Popsicle Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) Well, this forum does not allow measured polls so I guess I can only do this by asking for those who are BS's to share whether they stayed or divorced their spouse for good after finding out you had been betrayed? If you stayed at first and later divorced your spouse (forever), please state how long stayed and at what point after the A you divorced. And, why if you feel inclined to share. This inquiry came about from the suggestion of Mrs. John Adams in another thread and I think it will be interesting. Thank you. Edited September 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Mrs. John Adams Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 We stayed...still together 32 years later. 4
BetrayedH Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I tried to stay. One final round of trickle truth pushed me over the edge at about 9 months into reconciliation. I would say that continued lying was my eventual dealbreaker. 4
Author Popsicle Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 I tried to stay. One final round of trickle truth pushed me over the edge at about 9 months into reconciliation. I would say that continued lying was my eventual dealbreaker. I am curious, did she ever come back later after you divorced and express acknowledgement and remorse for the lying?
lovinDKT3 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 We divorced mainly because I never really gave him the option of R. He hung around for 14 months but there was no effort on my part to be open and honest about what went on. I thought that if I gave it some time we would get to a place where I felt safe to be open and honest (fear that he would accept it and be willing to stay), I ran out of time and he left. Im so happy that after time he has given me a second chance. It isnt R in the classic sense because we did divorce but its really the same process. We are getting married in November even if the experts say are chances are slim. 1
Author Popsicle Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 We divorced mainly because I never really gave him the option of R. He hung around for 14 months but there was no effort on my part to be open and honest about what went on. I thought that if I gave it some time we would get to a place where I felt safe to be open and honest (fear that he would accept it and be willing to stay), I ran out of time and he left. Im so happy that after time he has given me a second chance. It isnt R in the classic sense because we did divorce but its really the same process. We are getting married in November even if the experts say are chances are slim. DKT3 may not like this, but on the contrary, I think that you two will stay married forever. 1
Welsh15 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Stayed together. 2 years since DDay. Wife has shown true remorse in every sense. But still a struggle for me at times. Married 31 years
Red123 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Stayed. Two years(almost in 2 months) since the real Dday.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I tried to stay. One final round of trickle truth pushed me over the edge at about 9 months into reconciliation. I would say that continued lying was my eventual dealbreaker. Ditto in every detail except I'm not as smart as BH, took me 3 years to leave... Mr. Lucky
betrayedandhurting Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 15 months from D-day. I have stayed. She had total NC from day 1, quit job without ever going back, threw herself into the marriage 200% instantly, never blamed, IC and MC the entire time etc. BUT... Major trickle truth to diminish, diminish, diminish the scope of her LTA for nearly a year and I'll never know if I have the whole truth. She is the "dream" wife now but the problem is the past is a nightmare I can't forget. I'm happy for my kids and I desperately want to be proud of myself and my marriage again but having real difficulty. 1
Cymbeline Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I stayed. (15 months out now). I stayed because I love him, we have a very long relationship and I felt his affair was part of a larger mid life crisis and came in the middle of a perfect storm of challenges for us as a couple and opportunity in the shape of a very pretty secretary for him. Another reason I stayed was because it seemed obvious that the age gap and her issues meant the relationship could never have survived and though he was very attached to her I felt that time would make him feel that it had been a fantasy . I am not sure he is totally there yet though.
Dutchman1 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 My first marriage was 4 years. I unexpected came home early to find my wife being the burger in a sandwich. I was gone in 45 seconds. Never seen or spoke to her again. I should be in the Guinness book of records haha Dutchman 1 3
pheonixrisen Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Initially asked him to leave and asked for divorce ..but ended up in R ...almost 4 years In R now...
minimariah Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 divorced. while he wanted to talk & keep it together -- i honestly never even thought about reconciliation, it was just never an option for me. 1
gettingstronger Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Cut and paste from the "other thread" 2.5 years from dday- still in reconciliation- its rough- mainly because living with someone so full of regret that they were unable to live up to their own expectations can be draining- the first year or so was about my healing- the last year has really been about him coming to terms with himself- the self loathing, the regret, the knowledge that he did not do what he set out to do has been really hard on him- Add our kids to the mix and its tough sledding- my husband had a troubled relationship with his own Dad, so now that he has strained the relationship with his own boys, its tough- they don't know details-but they saw our lives change overnight- they don't want to talk about it but there have been instances where my husband has talked with them about responsibility and or character and either by word or body language they have rejected him- I feel like those tough things are the things that eventually lead to divorce-its a lot to deal with and its not for the faint of heart- 1
BetrayedH Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I am curious, did she ever come back later after you divorced and express acknowledgement and remorse for the lying? No, she pulled a 180 and filed for divorce. I believe the discovery I made that day (combined with my reaction) was the final nail in the coffin and we both knew it. It's been three years since the divorce finalized and we remain detached but cooperative co-parents. 2
BetrayedH Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Ditto in every detail except I'm not as smart as BH, took me 3 years to leave... Mr. Lucky Not as smart, huh? I think you have come into your own just fine, my friend. The forum is lucky to have your wisdom. 3
William Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If you stayed at first and later divorced your spouse (forever), please state how long stayed and at what point after the A you divorced. And, why if you feel inclined to share Please feel free to share your experiences relevant to this topic and save meta-discussions of your own affairs or that of your partners for separate threads on those affairs this is merely a compilation of experience. Thank you
readynow Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Divorced after 4yrs from his first affair. Divorced him because of other reasons though and not because of the affairs.
Mrs. John Adams Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 so far it looks like divorce 8 reconciliation 7 that's pretty amazing that it is so even...I truly figured more folks divorced 1
nightmare01 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Stayed and reconciled. 14 years after Dday now. The marriage is different. Good - but in my view not as good as it could have been. Trust will never be 100% again, and I will always hold a part of myself in reserve to keep it safe.
Author Popsicle Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 so far it looks like divorce 8 reconciliation 7 that's pretty amazing that it is so even...I truly figured more folks divorced Not quite. I have 5 Divorced and 9 Reconcilled.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 so far it looks like divorce 8 reconciliation 7 that's pretty amazing that it is so even...I truly figured more folks divorced I think this forum is slanted towards those willing to at least entertain R. In some cases, researching that topic brought them here... Mr. Lucky 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) I would agree with that..and i do think lots of folks try to reconcile and then divorce. So I am not sure how you count them if they tried reconciliation first. The same with some folks divorce but then get back together....how do you count that? It isn't my poll....and i wish there was a true poll feature here...but in the end...the only reconciliation i am concerned with is my own. i come up with 8 divorce and 7 reconciliation Edited September 25, 2015 by Mrs. John Adams 2
Giggle Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Had it been up to me, it would have been reconciliation. He was the one who chose divorce, probably at her insistence, because they were gonna be together. 3 months is a relatively short affair. And despite me getting pregnant in the middle of it. He had papers drawn up within a couple weeks of dday - which was him telling me. I had discovered 6 weeks earlier, but I was of the illusion it was a physical fling and I was reconciling. I'm not sure how helpful that was
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