Terry8889 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 My boyfriend got mad at me for making him wait while I was ordering other food at the mall food court while he had already order something else. He said he didn't hear me telling him I was getting my food at this other place, and he couldnt find me where i was, even though I told him. I don't know why he made a huge deal out of it. Its not my fault he didn't hear. We had plans after the mall but he didn't want to anymore and just drop me off at my place. That was Friday, we talk everyday and he hasn't contact me since that day. I text him twice Monday and he ignored my texts. Then I sent an email saying I was sorry, that no relationship is perfect, and that if he decided to end it I understood. But still he never replied back. I thought he would say something but nothing. he is 30 y/o and we been dating for 2 years, thanks for any advice people. He has been upset and has ignored me before for other stupid things before like me looking at my cellphone while I am spending time with him (nothing suspicious I was chatting with my mom), etc. When he gets upset he usually replies back by the second text, but his time he ignored both. We met through a dating site, and since he is no longer talking to me I thought he would be back on the website, but his account is still inactive. Idk why he is ignoring my existence this long for something so silly. Will he ever talk to me again???
Gloria25 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If you've been with him for 2 years, I'm sure by now you would have figured out if this is the last straw for him or if he does this ignoring thing on the regular.
almond Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 This sounded like some early high school stuff - then I saw you say that he is 30 YEARS OLD! Such a ridiculous way for a grown man to behave. And for you to apologise for something so silly, and be ignored for multiple days? This is dysfunctional as hell, and I very much doubt it's getting better. I'd send an email telling him it's over, and to never contact you again. Block and delete. No contact. I wouldn't jump straight back on to the dating website either - some time to reflect, work out what you want, and also what you contributed to this unhealthy dynamic is a very good idea if you want a healthy relationship in the future. 2
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Move on. If he contacts you later, just say "I thought you dumped me because you stopped contacting me & ignored my messages." I assume he's still breathing & is not in jail or in a coma.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Why do you want this tool back? Is he 5? Sorry, but this is more about you than him, ie why you find such treatment tolerable. You have nothing to apologize for. And if he's shutting you out over something this ridiculous, he's just not that into you. 1
Author Terry8889 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 I am just very confused that he used to talk to me about having kids together, raising them, even what names we will call them. Etc he used to tell me that a person like me is very difficult to find. He talked to his coworkers and parents about me. why would he say those things if he wasn't into me it's just heart breaking
katiegrl Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I am just very confused that he used to talk to me about having kids together, raising them, even what names we will call them. Etc he used to tell me that a person like me is very difficult to find. He talked to his coworkers and parents about me. why would he say those things if he wasn't into me it's just heart breaking He *used* to say those things because he was most likely, at the time, infatuated. That was then, this is now. Right now he is irritated, so much so he won't even talk to you. Feelings change and just because a man *used to* say and do all these nice things that made you feel special, does not guaranty he will continue. Again, feelings change. Stop focusing on how he used to treat you, and focus on right now. Right now he doesn't want to talk to you, gets irritated with you about the silliest things, it's time to throw this one back, I'm sorry. Yes it's sad and it sucks.... but you live, and you learn. Pls know you deserve better. 2
sportygirl89 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 A break up is likely coming. If a guy goes quiet on you for a certain length of time. It looks like you smothered him with constant communication and nagging. Guys don't like lengthy texting.
sportygirl89 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Expect a break up is likely to come.
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Two weeks? What happened barely qualifies for him to be upset for 2 hours. At 30 years old to stop talking to you is incredibly immature. Especially since you apologized. Although you aren't much better. How could you say as part of your apology that you would understand if he was breaking up with you over such trivial nonsense? Why would that be the 1st place you go? Don't you have any faith that your relationship can survive what should have been a minor misunderstanding? What else is going on here? It must be something else. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I am just very confused that he used to talk to me about having kids together, raising them, even what names we will call them. Etc he used to tell me that a person like me is very difficult to find. He talked to his coworkers and parents about me. why would he say those things if he wasn't into me it's just heart breaking Notice these are all past tenses. Clearly, his feelings have changed. Actions speak louder than words and his actions are saying he doesn't want you around anymore. Look, if he actually loved you he wouldn't throw a hissy fit over something so trivial and then shut you out to punish you. These are the actions of a man who's on his way out.
Author Terry8889 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 A break up is likely coming. If a guy goes quiet on you for a certain length of time. It looks like you smothered him with constant communication and nagging. Guys don't like lengthy texting. Actually it was him initiating the conversation 60 to 70 percent of the time, not because I didn't want to but I just dint want to seem clingy so I let him do the chasing. He had complained at one time that his ex was needy and clingy so I didn't want to be like her. And he was okay with it. This past week I have felt tempted to text him asking him if he wants to break up with me but I am afraid of him not respond in again and I will feel like an idiot. Should I just let him come around if he wants to? I feel like It was not an smart idea to tell him I understood if he decided to end things, I think I should have said a break up over this was silly and not worth it. Maybe he felt like I didn't care anyways. Idk I feel like I am in the limbo. Not sure what to do
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Oh for pete's sake. I see game playing & immaturity in here. Pick up the phone. Use the voice feature not a text. You cannot heal a relationship over a text or e-mail! Don't even try. When you get him on the phone ask to meet to talk. Really discuss what happened. Again say you are sorry for him not hearing you at the food court but do get him to explain the disappearing act. If you are both unwilling or unable to have such a conversation, you don't have a relationship to save. 3
Fleur de cactus Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Your bf is behaving like a kid , I don't understand why you want him back anyway! He is punishing you with silence . This not good nor normal for a 30 y old person! Just end the relationship. I would not take him back even if he comes back. Because waiting for him to come back is telling him that his behavior is normal No it is not normal. Imagine if you get married , living under the same roof and He would give that silent treatment! Call him and say good bye. Move on.
kendahke Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Not sure what to do you need to talk to him face to face. Why would he get upset because he didn't hear where you went? He can't use his cell phone to call you in the mall to find out where you're standing? That's some really easy stuff a 30 yr old man should know how to do. I could understand him being upset if he was 5. You both need to just clear the air between you two and quit all this passive-aggressive BS. If he continues to want to play these games, then you will know what is more important to him and you can decide if you want to keep on playing those games.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Actually it was him initiating the conversation 60 to 70 percent of the time, not because I didn't want to but I just dint want to seem clingy so I let him do the chasing. He had complained at one time that his ex was needy and clingy so I didn't want to be like her. And he was okay with it. This past week I have felt tempted to text him asking him if he wants to break up with me but I am afraid of him not respond in again and I will feel like an idiot. Should I just let him come around if he wants to? I feel like It was not an smart idea to tell him I understood if he decided to end things, I think I should have said a break up over this was silly and not worth it. Maybe he felt like I didn't care anyways. Idk I feel like I am in the limbo. Not sure what to do I wouldn't call this immature a*sshole at all. And I SURE as hell wouldn't let HIM decide if he 'wants to break up.' Where's your self respect? 1
Gaeta Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 He talked to his coworkers and parents about me. why would he say those things if he wasn't into me it's just heart breaking You have been dating for 2 YEARS and he only talked about you to his co-workers and parents?? At this point you should have MET THEM, several times and be part of his group of friends and family. How old are you? Your boyfriend is giving you the silent treatment. It's the highest form of manipulation and passive aggressiveness and also considered emotional abuse. Believe me, this is NOT the type of man you want to marry and have children with. Move on. 1
Strahatmak Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Assuming that you two didn't have other hidden issues or conflicts... Where is your dignity? Unless he's dead or is sent to a hospital. You've been backing off for him for 2 weeks. You've shown your caring to the relationship and niceness to him. You've given him enough time to throw his tantrum to you. And what's in return? A silence treatment for the silliest thing on the earth. Enough is enough. Send him a message, tell him stop being a high school kid and talk now, or you will break up with him after today. If he doesn't respond by today, stick to your guns, block him and move on, or get ready to be manipulated by an emotional control freak, if this is what you want. Hell I cannot stand people not acting his or her age. You gotta TEACH him on who you are AND how he should act, or else it's a goodbye. 1
Author Terry8889 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Last time I talked to him I told him I didn't deserve to be treated like this that I had been nothing but sweet and nice to him, that couldn't believe he was so upset over something so stupid. And that it seemed like he didn't really care about my feelings. I was very upset and starTed shedding tears even though I was trying to hold it. Never looked at his face when I left so I am not sure if he noticed. Once he left he said he was sorrytwice and that he felt bad. That he goes nuts when he can't listen to me. Then I didn't text back at all for the rest of the night, and two hours later he sent a text saying good night. The next morning I sent a msg saying the food from the mall last night had made me sick. He never said anything, then Monday texted twice and nothing. Then Thursday was the last time I contacted him. I know he is okay bc he is online on hangouts chat. For now I think I'm just gonna keep the no contact I don't want to ask him to meet and talk bc I'm afraid he will just ignore me and that would make me feel even worst. BTW he did something like this when we were just getting to know each other but that time there was not really a reason 2 months later he came back apologizing and told me reason. And that he was grateful for letting him talk to me again. At that time I didn't really care when he dissappeared bc I didn't even know him well. And I thought his apology was sincere. I am back to the dating site and met someone who I'm currently talking to I think it's helping to not think about him for now.
Gaeta Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 That he goes nuts when he can't listen to me. What do you mean when he can't listen to you? You mean when you can't listen to him?
xcupid Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Actually it was him initiating the conversation 60 to 70 percent of the time, not because I didn't want to but I just dint want to seem clingy so I let him do the chasing. He had complained at one time that his ex was needy and clingy so I didn't want to be like her. And he was okay with it. This past week I have felt tempted to text him asking him if he wants to break up with me but I am afraid of him not respond in again and I will feel like an idiot. Should I just let him come around if he wants to? I feel like It was not an smart idea to tell him I understood if he decided to end things, I think I should have said a break up over this was silly and not worth it. Maybe he felt like I didn't care anyways. Idk I feel like I am in the limbo. Not sure what to do Should I just let him come around if he wants to? YES I feel like It was not an smart idea to tell him I understood if he decided to end things, I think I should have said a break up over this was silly and not worth it. It wasn't the smartest thing to say but it's said so don't worry about it. You're right it wouldn't be worth breaking up over but you're dealing with an immature man. He needs to grow up - a lot. I wouldn't contact him anymore. You've done enough and apologized. That's all you can do. You don't have to go crawling back to him because of something so infantile. He's the one who should be apologizing for being such a child. If he breaks up with you then he's done you a favor. You need an adult in your life, not a child. Good luck. 1
Author Terry8889 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) What do you mean when he can't listen to you? You mean when you can't listen to him? He said he went nuts bc he couldn't hear what I said. Edited September 25, 2015 by Terry8889
Frank2thepoint Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If all you are doing is just sending him text messages, with no phone call attempts, and jumping to conclusions, while he throws immature tantrums, then you two are definitely not compatible.
kendahke Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 He said he went nuts bc he couldn't hear what I said. What mature, 30 year old grown man "goes nuts" because he "cant' hear" something? If he cant' hear something, then either speak up and have it repeated or get over it. But to get stupid over it? He's stunted and silly. 2
Strahatmak Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Last time I talked to him I told him I didn't deserve to be treated like this that I had been nothing but sweet and nice to him, that couldn't believe he was so upset over something so stupid. And that it seemed like he didn't really care about my feelings. I was very upset and starTed shedding tears even though I was trying to hold it. Never looked at his face when I left so I am not sure if he noticed. Once he left he said he was sorrytwice and that he felt bad. That he goes nuts when he can't listen to me. Then I didn't text back at all for the rest of the night, and two hours later he sent a text saying good night. The next morning I sent a msg saying the food from the mall last night had made me sick. He never said anything, then Monday texted twice and nothing. Then Thursday was the last time I contacted him. I know he is okay bc he is online on hangouts chat. For now I think I'm just gonna keep the no contact I don't want to ask him to meet and talk bc I'm afraid he will just ignore me and that would make me feel even worst. BTW he did something like this when we were just getting to know each other but that time there was not really a reason 2 months later he came back apologizing and told me reason. And that he was grateful for letting him talk to me again. At that time I didn't really care when he dissappeared bc I didn't even know him well. And I thought his apology was sincere. I am back to the dating site and met someone who I'm currently talking to I think it's helping to not think about him for now. I was about to say maybe you two should talk. Now I'd say, save the talk. You started by a very low standard, or bottom line, whatever you call it. He's taking benefit of your kindness. stop being kind ot him. Leave your kindness and niceness to someone else. Don't ever read his text or answer his call (just leave your phone rings until he cuts the line) if he ever tries to contact you again. Just ignore. You are not responsible for his immaturity or selfishness or manipulative behavior or being a moody child.
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