cbt123 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) Hi guys, im writing on here for some ideas on how to move on with my life after a 7 year relationship with my girlfriend ended suddenly last week. My girlfriend was my world and I loved her to pieces, and always will, we was often told by family members or friends that we was made for each other and that we would be together forever. She was my first proper relationship but I was her second, her previous she was cheated on. We happily lived in the same house for over 5 years and share a dog. In our 7 years there has been a lot of arguments mainly caused by her but she would always apologize and make it up to me, but for the past month she hasn't been herself, she has came across very cold and distant, her tone of voice has significantly changed, she used to be very quiet, soft and caring, to now its a kind of 'whatever, i dont care' kind of attitude. She has never shown any signs regarding cheating in the 7 years but the past month or so she has been very sly and secretive, disappearing for hours or days at a time without speaking to me, ignoring my phone calls and texts, goes out partying and socializing with people she wouldn't naturally socialize with. Previously to us breaking up, about 2 months before, she sat me down and explained to me she wanted a baby and to settle down to create a family, which i was so excited about, we both couldn't wait. What happened was then i confronted her as to why she has been so distant with me recently and she responded by saying she feels lonely and that she wants something new, something different to now because she isn't happy. She wants something more close and physical when we have that every single day, is she bored of me? is there somebody else? I just dont understand why she feels this way because we live happily together, spend every day with each other, i provide her with the most love and care she has ever been given yet she told me it isnt enough anymore. I was wondering whether she has found somebody else previous to breaking up with me, as she broke it all off in the space of one night, saying we are finished for good, she moved out and we havent spoken for over a week, theres been lots of photos of her out drinking and dancing with boys which isn't like her at all, she hates drinking and that behavior, she used to tell me all the time she hates girls who go out drinking and throw themselves onto blokes. The worst part is that i never gave her a reason to go, i never hurt her or treated her badly, in fact her parents would always comment how i treated her like a princess. If i treated her badly and she walked away I would understand but I feel hopeless as I have done nothing wrong yet im the one being punished whilst she is out having a great time forgetting the past 7 years. Is it natural for somebody to want to have children with you and to have a family only to then a few weeks later want nothing to do with you and pretend you dont exist?! Any help in regards to why she has done this and how I can accept this and move on would be greatly appreciated. I know she was 'the one' for me, and i would take her back in a heartbeat, that's why im finding it so difficult to move on with my life. She is probably happy with some other man but has left me behind, I didn't deserve this! 7 years is a long time for just one night out of the blue to throw it all away. Please guys you have to help me! is anybody here in a similar situation? Does the NC get easier? Im heartbroken. Edited September 24, 2015 by cbt123
mightycpa Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Is it natural for somebody to want to have children with you and to have a family only to then a few weeks later want nothing to do with you and pretend you dont exist?! It's classic... like textbook behavior. You wouldn't believe how common, how universal that is. NC is extremely difficult. Many people can't stick to it, and then feel awful when they don't, either from shame for being weak, or from what happened when they gave in to weakness. It does get better eventually. It is definitely worth the effort. But while it is happening, it is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. You have to learn how to be without her, not worry about what she's doing or thinking, and to envision a future that does not include her. It is simple, and extremely difficult. Get started today. Good luck 4
Grumpybutfun Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Someone who is easily swayed by her emotions wouldn't make a good wife or mother anyway. She needs to grow up and figure herself out first. You dodged a bullet. As Churchill stated...if you are going through hell, just keep going. Eventually you will make it out of the other side. This is a good thing, it just doesn't seem like it now. Wishy washy people make terrible partners in life. Good luck, Grumps 2
Author cbt123 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Thank you for your replies, she contacted me today and said she is beter off without me and having fun now and I should respect that if I love her, I should let her go. This girl for 7 years was completely and madly in love with me, we did everything and went everywhere possible together and had an amazing relationship. I never saw this coming, thats why it hurts so much.
sbk24 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Hi, I understand your pain, we have a similar story, as in long term relationship and out of the blue apart from the fact my ex did cheat and has moved on literally next day. If you do not mind me asking, how old are you and the ex? My ex literally changed in a period of a couple of weeks completely out of character but I am afraid that s*** happens. Even though we didn't do anything wrong or see a problem from our end of the relationship there could have been an issue from their side or with them in general. I have been in NC now for a couple of weeks, completely blocked her and her supposedly new friends from every social media platform that I have an account with. If you wish to move on do the same. Even if you are intrigued and want to know what the ex is up to, just don't as it is mostly likely to hurt. My ex and your ex might have done this as they just wanted a change. Sometimes they think the grass is greener. My ex's excuse was that she was too comfortable. However, that is no excuse for cheating. They probably had a taste of a different lifestyle and probably enjoyed it. I was thinking that my ex was 'the one' for me too, but in all honestly, how do you know if it was your first proper relationship. You could find the love of your life, who is better in every single way for you. Do not give me wrong, I love my ex still and she will always be a part of me. I cherish the memories that we have, however, we cannot dwell on would could have been and why otherwise you will never heal. NC does get easier. I do have my ups and downs but I am having more good days and less bad days. I do not think about her all the time like I used to, but you really do have to be strong with NC and stick at it. 2
EO422 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Same thing happened...my gf at one week was so in love with me..then a few weeks later she said she doesn't feel right..the for the next month it was just her growing distant slowly..BULL..I am upset..but we need to move on..I broke nc of 3 weeks because I wanted closure and wanted to know what happened. She did respond at least. Back to nc now. The good thing is that she responded, gave me a piece of mind she still had care enough to give me closure. Now how she responded allowed me to let go of all hope she will come back. I feel I can fully move on now. Which puts me at ease with this whole thing. I was so confused because of how things ended. She just blocked me and left me hanging..:but I'm getting to caught up in my story now.. All in all, yeah it can change so quick. It's so dumb. Maybe they found someone else, or maybe a big life event. Regardless we need to move on. The only way you should take them back is a few years later after you date more and learn more. I don't wanna take my ex back, not until she has figured everything out, and I will only take her back if I don't find someone else whom I'm sharing my love with. that is, if she even comes back! Highly unlikely. I'm just focusing on myself and getting excited for my next love!
Author cbt123 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Hi thanks for your reply, i'm glad you know how im feeling as it seems nobody else does. to your question about our ages we are both mid 20's. My ex just like yours changed within the last month, more so towards the last two weeks of the month, i didn't understand, she was so different! she turned me away and pushed me away in every aspect. She has gone now and by the looks of it, she is absolutely loving her new life without me, I feel such an idiot for feeling like this but when you have shared 7 years with somebody, through absolutely everything, thick and thin, it hurts, so so much, I just wish there was a more valid reason than 'im not happy, i want something new and exciting, you dont make me happy anymore' but i guess i'll never find out. Im glad your doing ok with the NC, i know im going to struggle so much, going from having her there everyday to absolutely nothing will kill me but i have to get through this. I hope you find somebody else who gives you everything you want and need in life, guys like us deserve that
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