What is more painful.. your ex's death or your ex with someone else?

[USEDOW]

My long term relationship of 7 years of fake marriage makes me wish he was dead than living near me with his BS. I don't think I'll ever get over this betrayal whist I still see him. Freaks me how she does. Yeah I'd prefer if he was dead than killing me. Forgive me I'm so devasted...... I guess I'll feel different soon... Not

Edited September 25, 2015 by USEDOW

[BlueIris]

I wasn’t jealous when my ex remarried, but I was very scared that my kids would love her and their home better than me, such a boring mom, and my single-mom home. Although we’ve been divorced 18 years now, I think his death will be very sad. Despite flaws, conflicts and anything negative, he was my husband, best friend and is my children’s dad so it will be a far greater loss when he dies than his having loved someone else ever could be.

[lop98]

Death of loved ones has been easier for me if I compare it with the repercussions of all sorts that the breakup that brought me to this site had on me (physical, emotional, financial, let's just say I was never the same but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing..). The pain and probably the most traumatizing aspect of it was seeing him turn the page and start a new relationship a week later with a girl 10 years younger that he had just met. Huge blow to my ego and it took me a long time to recover.. that said.. since we are comparing big stuff here, even though at the time it really felt like being shot (chest tightness 24/7), later events like seeing him comeback, go back to her, come back to me, his general pattern in handling a crisis, his weaknesses and usual tools to 'fight back', I gained a broader perspective and even though I recovered on my own, understanding how little you know someone pre-breakup gave me some sort of peace on the matter... I guess I ultimately understood it was about values and the incompatibility was meant to backfire sooner or later.

 

Now if he had died in those days before dating the new girl.. I would have never gotten to know him as much as I do now. At the time I mostly blamed myself for how things ended (with the help of him of course!) and I thought he was a poor fragile guy and close to the man of my dreams (lol). I'm sure I'd be fine now and would have dated other people the way I have... but he'd probably keep some sacred spot in my mind, and I'd probably always think of him as the one that got away or something along the lines... whereas I can now see that BU as THE blessing in disguise of my life thus far.

[newmoon]

i think seeing the ex with someone else. death is going to happen to everyone, so no big deal there -everyone you were with at any point will die. but seeing yourself replaced hurts immediately.

[Craftydre]

Honestly. If you are at Stage where an ex being with someone else bothers you, I'd imagine their death confirming there is absolutely no chance back together would be more painful. Because atleast if they are with someone else you have hope until you completely move on.

[Blanco]

i think seeing the ex with someone else. death is going to happen to everyone, so no big deal there -everyone you were with at any point will die. but seeing yourself replaced hurts immediately.

 

Counterpoint: Virtually everyone you were with at any point will move on to someone else.

[Itspointless]

I have to conclude that some people really have no clue what love actually means.

[Mondmellonw]

Hmmm. I'll be completely honest here.

I think that if you're just recently out of the relationship and you really, really didn't wanted to break up and you still love and desire this person, too see him/her with someone else would hurt a lot.

Perhaps, if you screwed it up and you recognise it, it would hurt a lot as well.

 

 

And, if a lot of time has passed and you got over the anger stage and now you're able to admit that this certain person has a special place in your heart and you wish them well, etc, the second option would hurt a lot more.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Mondmellonw

[joseb]

Wow. I honestly am amazed anyone would even consider this question, and more amazed about the responses.

 

I was totally gutted by my last break up - I basically didn't leave the house for 3 months unless I had to. I was devastated. I mourned.

 

But now she is my ex.

Maybe I'm unusual here, but I would really not be bothered now (7 months later) to see her with someone else.

Actually a friend of mine told me he did see her having lunch with a guy recently. My thoughts? Cool, I'm glad she is moving on.

 

If I heard she had died? While it would not affect me like it would if we were together, I'd still be really really upset.

[guest569]

The rejection and unrequitedness is tough to cope with. Truly, you love and want them to be alive and well and happy.

[theredpill]

Someone dying obviously would be worse, I mean jeez... breaking up and seeing them with someone else doesn't even matter in the long run, 3 months, 6 months, 12 months or however long it takes.

 

 

Everyone can get over a breakup, man or woman, it just takes time and some work on yourself. Comparing this feeling of loss to death is beyond absurd, please seek help OP these aren't normal emotions.