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What is more painful.. your ex's death or your ex with someone else?

little princess

By little princess
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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little princess Member

little princess

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What would be more painful to you.. to hear that your ex died or to see your ex with someone else?

 

Nothing hurted me more than thinking about his death, but now I really wish if mine died, cause it would have been less painful for me knowing he is dead than seeing him with another girl. It kills me really to just think about it.

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Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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Um, wow.

 

An ex being with someone else probably means you two weren't really destined to be together. Assuming they didn't do you wrong in moving on, no harm no foul. It hurts, sure, but ultimately, they deserve to be happy, as do we. That is a pain that will fade, unlike knowing that they died, which never really leaves you.

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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I guess that all depends on how selfish you are.

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Hoosfoos Established Member

Hoosfoos

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I've said it before and I'll say it again. Although I would not wish it upon anyone, hypothetically it would have been easier if they had died. Death is non-negotiable and not something to take personally. To be replaced by someone else because they didn't see you as fit to be their partner with is ten times more personal and painful. Call me selfish if you want.

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mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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I've said it before and I'll say it again. Although I would not wish it upon anyone, hypothetically it would have been easier if they had died. Death is non-negotiable and not something to take personally. To be replaced by someone else because they didn't see you as fit to be their partner with is ten times more personal and painful. Call me selfish if you want.
What if they had dumped you, then died?
NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

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What if they had dumped you, then died?

 

What if she cut your penis while sleeping or killed you with a ceramic squirrel...umm

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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What if she cut your penis while sleeping or killed you with a ceramic squirrel...umm
Then I'd say it would be easier if they were dead.
foolinlove79 Established Member

foolinlove79

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My ex started a new rs a couple weeks after we split. I dreaded that happening but actually it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. Now months later i dont really care what he does or with who.

 

Something i think really helped me was thinking of all the crap times and all the things he did that pissed me off or just weren't nice. And id think well now someone else is putting up with that **** now..and i am freeeeeee.

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Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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My experience is that it was absolutely crushing when she moved on to the next guy within a couple months of us splitting. It continued to eat away at me, even though in some ways, it helped me accept that things were really over. Six months removed from this and I've been feeling really at peace with this whole thing. If she doesn't move on quickly, then there's a good chance I'm still not moving on with my own life, assuming we may give the relationship another shot.

 

In short, it appears I had to endure a couple months of sheer agony to get through to the other side of the healing process a LOT faster than if she had remained single.

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ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

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FYI - that ain't love

Poutrew Established Member

Poutrew

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What if she cut your penis while sleeping or killed you with a ceramic squirrel...umm

 

Well, that depends. Does she cut off my penis before or after she kills me with the ceramic squirrel? One way I'd feel pretty bad, the other way, I wouldn't feel anything at all...:(

casey.lives Established Member

casey.lives

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neither. you're ex harassing you WITH that someone else.

 

-i can care less if an ex moves on, that what happens.

-Death of an ex.. death is inevitable for all of us.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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My ex actually did die.

 

I guarantee that if you had experienced this, you would never ask such a question. Nothing compares to the type of pain that comes with death of a loved one, even an ex. Them with someone isn't in the same category at all.

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Meli22 Established Member

Meli22

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I'd say death would be worse. Both situations would bring different emotions. Them being with someone else would bring anger, sadness, jealousy, self doubt. Death would be purely sadness. I'd never want to experience an ex dying. If you're at the point where you'd rather your ex die than be with someone else then you have a long way to go.

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Dutchman1 Established Member

Dutchman1

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little princess,

 

 

Your question makes clear that you a hurt, and don't have a clue what you are typing about.

 

 

My ex wife won't make X-mas because the cancer is eating her alive.

I haven't seen or spoken to her in more than 30 years.

 

 

Her son of 14 contacted me on FB.

 

 

When she goes, she leaves 3 kids S21, S14 and D26 to be orphans.

3 kids from 3 dads who are not in the picture, and no other family around.

 

 

Please convey your hurt into some positive things for yourself, and look out for Nr 1.

 

 

Dutchman 1

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Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

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What would be more painful to you.. to hear that your ex died or to see your ex with someone else?

 

Nothing hurted me more than thinking about his death, but now I really wish if mine died, cause it would have been less painful for me knowing he is dead than seeing him with another girl. It kills me really to just think about it.

Well They are dead...

Those people calling this selfish... are those who prescribe, experiencing a break up is like experiencing death, and this is hypocritical at best... How come their breaking a heart is fair and not selfish? is it not like murdering someone's soul and heart?

as for the OP... sorry but your ex is dead...have the courage glance down and see the bastard in his miserable grave... grieve, let it out, it is gonna take some time... but eventually you are gonna be the better person, you are gonna be stronger, and one day, you will have the courage to go back and spit on their graves...

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Well They are dead...

Those people calling this selfish... are those who prescribe, experiencing a break up is like experiencing death, and this is hypocritical at best... How come their breaking a heart is fair and not selfish? is it not like murdering someone's soul and heart?

as for the OP... sorry but your ex is dead...have the courage glance down and see the bastard in his miserable grave... grieve, let it out, it is gonna take some time... but eventually you are gonna be the better person, you are gonna be stronger, and one day, you will have the courage to go back and spit on their graves...

 

I take it you have never experienced an ex dying. As previously-stated, I have. And I have also experienced a terrible break-up.

 

Trust me when I say that death is an infinitely more painful experience than a bad breakup. I believe only those who have never actually lived through an ex dying can even put a death and a break-up in the same category.

 

I would not wish that experience on any of you, regardless of how awful you feel your exes are.

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little princess Member

little princess

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little princess,

 

 

Your question makes clear that you a hurt, and don't have a clue what you are typing about.

 

 

My ex wife won't make X-mas because the cancer is eating her alive.

I haven't seen or spoken to her in more than 30 years.

 

 

Her son of 14 contacted me on FB.

 

 

When she goes, she leaves 3 kids S21, S14 and D26 to be orphans.

3 kids from 3 dads who are not in the picture, and no other family around.

 

 

Please convey your hurt into some positive things for yourself, and look out for Nr 1.

 

 

Dutchman 1

 

I am sorry to hear about that and I hope she will get better.

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little princess Member

little princess

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Well They are dead...

Those people calling this selfish... are those who prescribe, experiencing a break up is like experiencing death, and this is hypocritical at best... How come their breaking a heart is fair and not selfish? is it not like murdering someone's soul and heart?

as for the OP... sorry but your ex is dead...have the courage glance down and see the bastard in his miserable grave... grieve, let it out, it is gonna take some time... but eventually you are gonna be the better person, you are gonna be stronger, and one day, you will have the courage to go back and spit on their graves...

 

Exactly.. actually experiencing a break up in my case feels worse than death. Murdering someone's soul and heart is worse than killing the person in my opinion and experience.

 

I don't wish bad for him and I can't think bad of him. He never ever gave me a reason to ever being able to think bad of him.. and that make it more difficult.

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little princess Member

little princess

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For all you who think I am being selfish, I am not. The reason why I am saying this is because this person sometimes wished to die becuase of certain reasons, but whenever he said it, it hurted me deep down in my heart.

It is not like I wish bad for this person or anything.. it hurts me to even think bad of him.. if I know he will be in pain, I will be in more pain.. cause we shared a soul connection and I can feel him. I just want him to be happy, but unanswered questions makes it worse to digest it.

 

This person knew that leaving me in the middle of nowhere would turn me into a living corpse and I told him several time that it would be better that if he killed me than to do this to me. And I would forgive him for killing me.

 

The reason it would have been easier to accept his death is because if I knew he died, I could keep praying for this person with same passion, and atleast I would know he did not betray me, it would have been easier to move on and I would be able to keep a good picture of him forever.. becuase I really don't want to think bad of him.. he never gave me a reason to do so.

 

If everything is going good, and a person suddenly leaves you without an explanation or reason.. and then you find out something else going on.. it's like the earth beneath your feet is taken away..

 

Said that, of course it depends on the type of relation and connection the both of you shared.. and that is what would make it easier for me to accept his death (which of course would be extremely painful to me) than accepting what he did to me (which surpasses my limits of pain).. I still don't know the reasons behind.. and therefore I don't want to judge him.

It's not about being selfish, it's about how much you loved the person.. it's the depth of love that makes it more difficult to accept him with someone else.. and if loving a person like this is selfish, yes then I am selfish.

Edited by little princess
misspersian New Member

misspersian

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Little princess: you know? dont need to disapointed abt it. Let Karma finish it. Get well soon.

  • Like 1
Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

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Well They are dead...

Those people calling this selfish... are those who prescribe, experiencing a break up is like experiencing death, and this is hypocritical at best... How come their breaking a heart is fair and not selfish? is it not like murdering someone's soul and heart?

as for the OP... sorry but your ex is dead...have the courage glance down and see the bastard in his miserable grave... grieve, let it out, it is gonna take some time... but eventually you are gonna be the better person, you are gonna be stronger, and one day, you will have the courage to go back and spit on their graves...

I never had an ex die, but my mother died when I was 19, she was ill for more than five years: ALS.

 

The pain of breakups does not compare to what I experienced then. Although I have to say that with every break-up I go back to that moment, it taps from the same well. But perhaps that is because I am still working on it (mind you, it is 17 years ago).

Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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Losing a relationship is similar to experiencing a death, but not the same thing. In almost all cases, we can look back on former relationships and conclude that it was probably for the best that they didn't work out. Most deaths aren't like that.

 

With relationships, time heals the wounds, but also provides perspective that we are likely better off. With deaths, time eases the wounds, but never fully heals them. We are rarely better off for the death of a loved one. We just eventually find a way to move on with our lives, but the wounds never completely heal.

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Based on my own experience, and if I was able to make a determination based solely on self interest (which we can't of course), I'd rather re-live the death of a loved one than the disaster breakup. :/

Jc396 Member

Jc396

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Both are equally traumatizing experiences but you are really comparing apples to oranges. They each have a very different feeling of hurt. One makes you feel replaced and feel sorry for yourself and the other makes you feel regret and sorry for everyone he/she knew. Both are very different and I wouldn't want any to experience either feeling.

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