blackcat777 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Since this is my go-to resource for all interpersonal concerns now... My boyfriend moved into a house with three other guys. All of them are on the lease and equally responsible for everything. My boyfriend manages making all the payments. The utilities are also in his name and come out of his bank account. My boyfriend works hard and has a lot of money banked. Two of the guys live on hand-outs from their parents and work sporadically. Another doesn't work, but plays music in the street... All three of them take advantage of the fact that my boyfriend has the money to pay for everything up front. No one gave him anything for utilities this month, and he's pissed. The one that doesn't work also owes him two previous months' rent (and in the months he stayed without paying, indulged in various top-shelf liquors). I don't think any of them put much practical thought into what they were signing up for when they signed the lease together (I didn't either, with my first roommate). There were definitely NO boundaries or written agreements made between them about financial obligations. The whole situation is rife with life lessons... However, I had no idea what to tell my boyfriend, because I never put myself in a mutually-responsible leasing position with irresponsible people, and have always paid rent on time my whole life. I feel like my boyfriend is reticent to be too aggressive because they're his close friends. Obviously, my boyfriend needs to draw out some kind of clear boundaries with consequences. He's looking to me for suggestions. What are the most diplomatic ways to handle this situation, so my boyfriend can get his money on time (and demand the proper respect with that), without alienating his friends? Big thanks in advance.
GooseChaser Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Wow. How much more time is on the lease? Tough situation. But your boyfriend has no obligation to support his friends' lifestyle. If possible, I would pay my portion of the rent, and whatever you have to pay to keep the utilities going. Don't lend more than you are comfortable with. Whoever can't afford to live there might just have to get evicted. Fair enough.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 My boyfriend works hard and has a lot of money banked. Two of the guys live on hand-outs from their parents and work sporadically. Another doesn't work, but plays music in the street... Did your boyfriend know this before moving in with friends? If so, why is boyfriend even surprised or complaining about it? What are the most diplomatic ways to handle this situation, so my boyfriend can get his money on time (and demand the proper respect with that), without alienating his friends? Not sure how long they have been living together, but if it has been for at least six months, and it's a recurring theme, there isn't much your boyfriend can do because he allowed his friends to take him for granted. He could try having a "house meeting" and serious discussion on it, but I doubt he will get anywhere. Maybe for a month or two the problem will disappear, but it will return. Since you boyfriend works hard and has money saved up, why doesn't he move out, and live on his own or get new roommates? 1
Els Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 When I lived with roommates in college, we had a 'flat account' that we all deposited a fixed amount into every month. The next month, utilities automatically went out of that account. So there wasn't a situation where one person was paying utilities and needing to be 'paid back'. That being said, I don't think it will solve your bf's problem, especially if one of them is already defaulting on rent itself. IMO the simplest way to solve this is for him to move out and only share a house with people who have good previous references from landlords.
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Your BF made some poor choices when he picked these guys as roommates. He needs to have a house meeting & talk to them about their irresponsibility. He may simply need to get new roommates.
GooseChaser Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Yes, considering all of the extra costs he's taking on picking up the roommates' slack in apartment payments, while not ideal, it makes breaking the lease and finding a new place to live a better deal. I wouldn't want to repeatedly feel like I had to pay someone else's rent for them. Also, if there's a lot of time left on the lease, if you end up paying all of the utilities (when this wasn't the plan), the extra costs would add up considerably. And then there's the toll the whole thing with his friends is taking on his well-being....
Author blackcat777 Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 Thanks for everyone's input! He talked to everyone... worked it out to get the parents to include utilities with the rent... and set a deadline for the other guy who wasn't paying. If he can't make the deadline, he'll have to find another place to live. I also told him it might not be a bad idea to have a formal meeting and get something signed by everyone in writing... just so that expectations are crystal clear. He also has a bunch of ideas about how to handle the finances of a shared living situation for next year... Sometimes it's better to put your foot down than worry endlessly, I suppose. Thanks again for the suggestions
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