manders_01 Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 There is a strong possibility that my current beau and I might be moving in together in the near future. This is a slight taboo in my extended family and a HUGE taboo to my parents because we are Catholic. I'm not exactly sure how to tell my parents (blurt it out, write a letter, send smoke signals). I wouldn't be too concerned about telling them but my older sister lived with her now husband before they were married (which they didn't approve of) and got pregnant (which they really didn't approve of). However, I don't want kids and continue to do everything in my power (including one, if not both of us getting fixed very soon) to make sure that doesn't happen. And even though they are both well aware that I don't want kids, I still think they will be concerned about it happening to me. I realize I'm an independent woman and can do what I like at anytime but I also have no desire to sever my relationship with my parents. Things between my sister and parents were not good at all for over 6 months. How have you told your parents you were moving in with your SO (those with a Catholic background esp encouraged to reply)? Just looking for some personal experiences that might help ease the tension that will come of the move.
faux Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 It might help to just tell your parents what you are doing. It might be safer not to mention anything to them until you have decided for certain. You live your own life; they can disapprove if they wish. If your moving in with a boyfriend causes your family to abandon you, I would worry more about what type of people you are related to.
ziggue Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 All you can do is just tell them. They might be more supportive then you think. If your parents like your boyfriend then you might just get lucky and they'll except it for sure. . Just because your sister got pregnant after she moved in with her boyfriend doesn't mean it's gonna happen to you. Just be real careful and safe when/if you guys do the deed. I don't want kids as well. Well not till I am around 28 to mid 30s. (More likely around my 30s). I am on the pill and we use condoms as well. Just to be on the safe side. I am from a Catholic Background and my parents were fine with the fact that I was moving out with my boyfriend. They could see that we could handle it, we both had good jobs and were in our early 20s. Both our parents were already giving us things for our place even before we heard that we got it. Lol. How old are you by the way?
Author manders_01 Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by ziggue How old are you by the way? I'm 27 - older than I should be to be worried about this but I still am.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by manders_01 I'm 27 - older than I should be to be worried about this but I still am. If you are, in the eyes of your parents, still an angel, then no your not too old. I think how your parents view you is very important. Are they going to think your a slut if you move in with him? Going against the catholic religion to some people is serious and if your parents are very religious then you might get some negative feedback. If they tell you that they don't want a daughter who lives with her BF before marriage and vow to never speak to you again, would you still move in with him? Are you going to defy your parents if they don't agree? If you care the way your parents think of you and how much respect they have for you then you would either think about the moving situation or think about the right way to approach it and deal with the consequences of their reactions. Good Luck
imjustagirl Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 My boyfriend and I finally got our own place...well, last week. I didn't tell my overly religious family (grandparents/aunts/uncles) until 2 days prior to the actual move (we had already signed the lease, put down the deposit and turned on all the utilities). I thought it over quite a bit, not because I don't love my boyfriend/fiance but because it was highly frowned upon by my family (even tho 5 of the 7 uncles/aunts lived w/ their significant other for a max of 5 years before getting married...including my own mother). I called my mom up a couple days after we looked at the place and filled out our renters application (we live a few hours away) and said, hey, we're looking at a place outside of town...it's really nice 3 bdrm, 1 3/4 bath...blah blah blah. We've talked about doing this for months (since before I got my promise ring), and now seemed to be the right time. We'll know tomorrow whether or not we got the place. Suprisingly it went well. She seemed cautious, but realized even though my boyfriend and I had some serious problems (including a not so great breakup) that we both have grown and learned to C O M M U N I C A T E each others needs in the relationship. I didn't even have to use my "but you did it when you were my age" argument. The only advice I have is...be sure you have a place already rented...you have worked out who pays what...what to do when you/him need space. Also a big plus (I noticed this with my grandparents)....remind them that they are welcome and that just because you're moving in with your significant other doesn't mean that you won't stop seeing them or loving them. Now his family....is catholic and they were the ones pushing for us to get our own place. "you've been seeing each other for over 2 years now....you spend 99% of your time together....JUST GET YOUR OWN PLACE ALREADY" (literally, this is what his mother said to us over dinner). The only thing we could say to her was, "we're looking for a place that has enough space for both households and we feel comfortable in"....that was all that was needed for her. To which her reply was "about time...let me know when you move, we'll come up and go shopping for curtains and things I think you need" (well, she did....$300 later). But anyways, now that I'm rambling...advice...be prepared...they may not like it...but have everything setup prior that way you two look and are prepared for the future. That's all I got for now. ~justa~
Author manders_01 Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 I am the youngest and most of the time branded (not point blank but in a roundabout way) the good child. So that doe come into play a bit. I know my father would not disown me but my mom might come close. It would definetly put a strain on our already somewhat shaky relationship. I think that if they were to be incredibly against the idea, to the point on possibly ruining our relationship, I would probably not do it. However, and part of this is growing up Catholic and part of it is me being old-fashioned, I have always seen myself moving in with my husband, not just a boyfriend. But I think the reason I'm contemplating this is because I see the possiblity of marriage in our future. If I didn't, this wouldn't even be an issue.
ziggue Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by manders_01 I'm 27 - older than I should be to be worried about this but I still am. I only moved out three months ago and I am 25 years old. That was because I couldn't really afford too. Had trouble finding work till the last year. Move out when you feel ready too. It doesn't even have to be with your boyfriend. Maybe with some friends if they and you can afford too. That's only if you really want too though. My parents aren't too strict with the whole catholic thing. My mum still goes to church every Sunday but my dad, sister and I don't. My sister and I went to a catholic school and also got coaxed into going along to church every Sunday when we were younger that's about as strict as it got for us.
Author manders_01 Posted May 19, 2005 Author Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by ziggue Move out when you feel ready too. I've been out of the house since I left for college at 18. Went back briefly once but have been out again for almost a year.
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