katiegrl Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Good point. I've just never understood how "Whip me...beat me...make me write bad checks!!!" isn't "abuse", no matter how much one person begs it of another. But, then again, I prefer vanilla pudding over the other flavors, too...so WTF do I know about kosher pickles, anyhoo? From what I am reading, there is no whipping or beating happening...as that would be considered abuse. We are talking SEX here, not violence!
jen1447 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If she feels uncomfortable at any time she can stop you and you have to execute yourself immediately. I hope not! There's a distinction between general submissiveness and sub-dom/me play in BDSM. In BDSM, the sub is very much in control in a practical sense bc they have to set limits and boundaries to avoid potential injuries. The dom/me, no matter how assertive, isn't at liberty to beat them half to death (in most cases anyway) bc the fetish is being done most often to satisfy the sub's kink specifically. In the general sense where one partner 'runs the show' in a more holistic way, the dominant one (not a dom/me so much in that case) is indeed dominant, so the passive one isn't writing the rules of the bedroom in general. There are always exceptions but these are the basics. I'm dominant in the second way (with some sexual kink thrown in at times where I become 'domme'), so I know firsthand how it goes. I think there are some true BDSM ppl on here who could probably elaborate more on that side of things. 3
Gaeta Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 From what I am reading, there is no whipping or beating happening...as that would be considered abuse. We are talking SEX here, not violence! Dominant-submissive play does include whipping - slapping - spitting - hurting.
mrldii Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 From what I am reading, there is no whipping or beating happening...as that would be considered abuse. We are talking SEX here, not violence! I'm referring to where the topic has suddenly veered off to...BDSM. I'm pretty sure BDSM catalogs feature a whip or two. I assume they're NOT being used to keep the llama in the corner under control until he's introduced in Act II, yanno? 1
katiegrl Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) You're old fashioned and like traditional gender roles? I never got that impression from you. Not sure who this is meant for, but *sexually*, yes I like the man to be dominant.... Outside the bedroom .... we're equal. I am not a feminist! Lol Edited September 26, 2015 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 FF is gonna have to come back and clarify if he's BDSM or if he just likes it a little rough. BUT when you make statements like I am true dominant in the bedroom a lot of people are gonna think you're into whips and leather. 1
katiegrl Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Dominant-submissive play does include whipping - slapping - spitting - hurting. Yeah that sounds like BDSM ..... have not read about that yet.
Popsicle Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Not sure who this is meant for, but *sexually*, yes I like the man to be dominant.... Outside the bedroom .... we're equal. I am not a feminist! Lol It was meant for FitnessFan, sorry. 1
kilgore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I'm referring to where the topic has suddenly veered off to...BDSM. I'm pretty sure BDSM catalogs feature a whip or two. I assume they're NOT being used to keep the llama in the corner under control until he's introduced in Act II, yanno? Why is pain a fun thing?
katiegrl Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 FF is gonna have to come back and clarify if he's BDSM or if he just likes it a little rough. BUT when you make statements like I am true dominant in the bedroom a lot of people are gonna think you're into whips and leather. Agreed. Spanking, some hair pulling, crawling on all fours toward his c*ck .... calling him *sir*, asking permission, dirty talk (you're such a good little slut) .... these are the things I was referring to while engaging in SEX ....NOT whipping and beating or other firms of violence. I will keep reading..... 1
WonderKid Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Well I am a switch! Not only physically dominant but also mentally dominant. I love getting into your head! I can be submissive quite subtly. But in regards to the OP, I would've stood yards away from here and pulled the Master Chief Billy Sunday on her ass! If you can get to me in 10 steps! I'll bow to you. But if you can't, then you'd better shut the hell up and bend over and take it up the tailpipe!
kilgore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Agreed. Spanking, some hair pulling, crawling on all fours toward his c*ck .... calling him *sir*, asking permission, dirty talk (you're such a good little slut) .... these are the things I was referring to while engaging in SEX ....NOT whipping and beating or other firms of violence. I will keep reading..... All of those things seem so foreign to me
kilgore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I hope not! There's a distinction between general submissiveness and sub-dom/me play in BDSM. In BDSM, the sub is very much in control in a practical sense bc they have to set limits and boundaries to avoid potential injuries. The dom/me, no matter how assertive, isn't at liberty to beat them half to death (in most cases anyway) bc the fetish is being done most often to satisfy the sub's kink specifically. In the general sense where one partner 'runs the show' in a more holistic way, the dominant one (not a dom/me so much in that case) is indeed dominant, so the passive one isn't writing the rules of the bedroom in general. There are always exceptions but these are the basics. I'm dominant in the second way (with some sexual kink thrown in at times where I become 'domme'), so I know firsthand how it goes. I think there are some true BDSM ppl on here who could probably elaborate more on that side of things. Which is the second way?
mrldii Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Why is pain a fun thing? Sooooooo the wrong person to ask that of. I like vanilla pudding, white chocolate, and pure-white snow. Start a thread about it, over in the 'Sex' forum. If there's one thing I, as an online discussion board veteran, know for a fact it's that you'll have plenty of responses as to what BDSM - and the thrills it brings - is all about. 4
kilgore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Sooooooo the wrong person to ask that of. I like vanilla pudding, white chocolate, and pure-white snow. Start a thread about it, over in the 'Sex' forum. If there's one thing I, as an online discussion board veteran, know for a fact it's that you'll have plenty of responses as to what BDSM - and the thrills it brings - is all about. Sorry I didn't realize I was off topic
mrldii Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Sorry I didn't realize I was off topic Oh, I don't know that you are off-topic...at least not where the topic's gone (like conversations have a tendency to do). I only said that - and suggested over in the 'Sex' forum - because by doing so, I am 100%, without-a-doubt, uber- and even overly-confident you'll get all the answers you're looking for...and then some. 1
kilgore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Oh, I don't know that you are off-topic...at least not where the topic's gone (like conversations have a tendency to do). I only said that - and suggested over in the 'Sex' forum - because by doing so, I am 100%, without-a-doubt, uber- and even overly-confident you'll get all the answers you're looking for...and then some. I wasn't looking to start a thread, just engage in this one
Grumpybutfun Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) Well as I've said multiple times now, there's never been any issues w/her behavior at all until the trip. So there was never a need for another thread. Also, we've always clicked really well because she's feisty/blunt, and I'm a smart ass that playfully keeps her in line when she contradicts herself. That's why there's always been a lot of passion/sexual energy between us. Finally, I already did discuss it w/her directly and it was squashed when I started the thread. But it was designed to be more of a rant than anything else. As I've said before, I tend to have a hard time letting things go right away. So even though me and her talked about it in depth and got things settled, I still had a bit of it in my system. If that makes any sense. May I be direct? Can I give you some real advice on how to be a team if you want to be a team? Stop seeing her as a label or putting feminist fears you have on her.... I know a lot about life. I know a lot about nuclear fusion. I know a lot about horses, fitness, mechanics, and fishing and hunting...but after 21 years of marriage I am in awe of the mind of a woman. You won't control a woman with a mind you respect and you won't find answers to handle her. I find that so naive I smiled when I read it. Not to be condescending because I'm on your side...the blessing of having a good relationship, that is why I post here. I have a good marriage and this place is lacking that so I try to impart what I know...which, when it comes to women, I admit it isn't much. They are the enigma...the beautiful or the broken and sometimes blended. It is ok if she came from less than stellar beginnings but you better know how to deal with figuring it out and you have to know how to be kind even when she is reacting in her triggered position. Trust me....I know...I am happily married but we both came from odd situations. My point is that she is a human being, a girl really, and she is fallible and so are you...you seem to want to fight for something so I will just say this...ask and if she needs to recoil, ask yourself why and fix it with compassion and kindness. I see this situation better...and I can honestly say this....we fight for what is important to us. I was a beast at getting laid....I didn't find that a challenge but I am proud of becoming kind for my girl because she needed me to be that way. She was broken, and I gave her the love to help her while she was working her butt off to become whole. We saved each other. Honestly....sometimes life is about being the rock someone needs to build on, Grumps Edited September 26, 2015 by Grumpybutfun 7
Author fitnessfan365 Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) FF is gonna have to come back and clarify if he's BDSM or if he just likes it a little rough. BUT when you make statements like I am true dominant in the bedroom a lot of people are gonna think you're into whips and leather. Definitely not into BDSM. I like rough/aggressive sex and what Katie wrote below is how it goes. Agreed. Spanking, some hair pulling, crawling on all fours toward his c*ck .... calling him *sir*, asking permission, dirty talk (you're such a good little slut) .... these are the things I was referring to while engaging in SEX ....NOT whipping and beating or other firms of violence. This is SPOT ON. Almost as if you've been a fly on the wall watching how women act w/me in private. Edited September 26, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Fun fact: Many Doms and subs (yes, even male Doms and female subs) who engage in BDSM are actually feminists. A big part of the thrill of D/s is the sub choosing to submit, i.e. to relinquish her power to a particular person of her choice. If a woman does not have equal rights, there is no true D/s because she does not have the freedom of choice to do that. 2
Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 From what I am reading a true sub has no boundaries. Her goal is to please her "master" ....again nothing is off limits. If anything, SHE is looking for ways to be more submissively outrageous! I have read four articles so far written by true subs ...and their doms. So while I don't doubt what you say is true, would that be considered a true sub/dom relationship? Even in my own sexual relationship with my boyfriend (and we are not sub/dom by any stretch), I don't have many boundaries, if any.. I trust him, I know he has my best interests at heart, would never hurt me, so anything goes!!! Errr no. This is completely untrue. The vast majority of the BDSM community believes that everyone is entitled to hard limits. Genuine Doms and Dommes are always expected to respect their subs' hard limits. Here are some more articles for you to read: Hard and Soft Limits | Submissive Guide What Part of ?NO? Don?t You Undertstand? Renegotiating Hard Limits Calls for CAUTION Submissive Training: Setting Limits & Safe Words https://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_limits.html In Master/slave relationships this might be iffy, but that is a far more hardcore concept than standard D/s, and even then some M/s relationships have hard limits. 1
Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I hope not! There's a distinction between general submissiveness and sub-dom/me play in BDSM. In BDSM, the sub is very much in control in a practical sense bc they have to set limits and boundaries to avoid potential injuries. The dom/me, no matter how assertive, isn't at liberty to beat them half to death (in most cases anyway) bc the fetish is being done most often to satisfy the sub's kink specifically. Ooof. My last post is under moderation because I probably put too many external links in it... But anyway, this is very true. A real D/s relationship is definitely NOT about the Dom being able to do whatever the hell he wants without regard for his submissive, while a true submissivedefinitely is not expected to do whatever the hell a Dom wants without regard for her boundaries. People who do that are called 'domineering' (or *******s), not 'Dominant'. Not saying that FF is such a person though, just responding to the posters who have misconceptions about what Dominants are and do. True D/s relationships can potentially involve whipping, caning etc, or they can also involve no pain at all and just pure D/s. The important defining factor of D/s Rs vs abusive Rs is not the level of pain or implements used, but rather (1) consent and (2) respect of boundaries. As for pleasure, it's usually a mutual desire to give pleasure to the other person, just in different ways. IMO Dominants who are in tune with their sub and highly value their sub's pleasure are the best there is. I am truly lucky to have found such a one. 2
Author fitnessfan365 Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 I really liked Els' posts. Especially what she said about it being a thrill when the sub chooses to submit and also that a Dom in tune w/his sub that highly values her pleasure are the best there is. For me, the choice a woman makes to surrender is one of my favorite aspects, and I've always liked being a Dom sexually b/c I'm a giver and enjoy being in tune w/her needs and taking care of them. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) I really liked Els' posts. Especially what she said about it being a thrill when the sub chooses to submit and also that a Dom in tune w/his sub that highly values her pleasure are the best there is. For me, the choice a woman makes to surrender is one of my favorite aspects, and I've always liked being a Dom sexually b/c I'm a giver and enjoy being in tune w/her needs and taking care of them. Is this about sex? G Edited September 26, 2015 by Grumpybutfun
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