Surfer Joe Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Just got out of a 12 year relationship (married for 9 of those years). I'm a 38-year-old male. I have two small children (5.5 year-old-boy and 3 year-old-girl). Decent job and so on. My ex initiated the divorce for reasons where "divorce" didn't seem like the appropriate response...but it is what it is. I went through some positive changes during the ordeal and I feel like I came out as a better person. There is, of course, emotional baggage. It was a relatively "painless" divorce as we didn't really fight it out. We went through it amicably and actually lived in the same house until everything was final (it's been about a month). How do I know when it's okay to date again? I know right now would be a big mistake. I have too many questions in my head? Am I actually over my ex or am I just looking for someone to replace her? Am I just looking for the "next thing"? Am I bored? Am I just trying the hole? I know I also need to make my kids my top priority right now. This has been rough on them. I need to be there as much as I can for them (we have 50/50 custody) and that means putting my needs on the back burner for now. In the past 20 years I haven't been single very long. I just had this 12 year relationship and before I met my ex there was only a 5-month gap between her and the girl I almost married (and that relationship went back a further 4-years) and then there were a handful of other relationships that kind of came and went. I feel the "itch" to start looking - I know I need to not think about that right now. I feel fairly confident that when the time is right I'll find someone... ...but I have no idea how long to wait? How do I know when my emotions are healthy enough to move on? Any advice would be appreciated!!
Author Surfer Joe Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 I have one female friend in particular who has become a "safe female friend" which I think is good. We casually flirt on a regular basis - but she knows my situation and it's clear that even if I wanted there to be something more - there can't be anything more right now...and I'm okay with that. Lord knows that if my situation were different I'd pursue her - the desire to pursue her is there - and it's a battle against what I know I should do and what part of me wants to do. I will do the right thing. I will wait until I'm ready...but waiting is tough!
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