Long distance relationship with my boyfriend of nine months.

[mguevara209]

My boyfriend is moving 3 hours away to start his MA program. We both graduate next year and start grad school, but I'm staying at the same university to do get my MA. We've only been dating for 9 months now. I know it's too soon for it to be a serious relationship, but considering the fact that he's going to move away, should I break up with him? I love him very much; we have so much in common, and we even have similar life goals, except the fact that he's moving for a few years to grad school. I love him, but if we are going to do a LDR, I'd rather break up with him now then later when it's harder. In short, I'd like to end it on good terms and not when we have more on our plate. What do you guys think? BTW, I'm 24 and he 26.

[d0nnivain]

Are you kidding? It's only 3 hours! Find a motel in the middle & meet on weekends. MA programs aren't that long 18-24 months. Sounds like a dumb reason throw away an otherwise good relationship.

[TMichaels]

We've only been dating for 9 months now.I know it's too soon for it to be a serious relationship, but considering the fact that he's going to move away, should I break up with him?

 

What's he want to do? Why are *you* the one making the decision unilaterally?

 

I love him very much; we have so much in common, and we even have similar life goals, except the fact that he's moving for a few years to grad school.

 

Huh? Since when is someone attending a different grad school a "different life goal?" Unless he's planning on spending the rest of his life going to grad school, this makes no sense.

 

How do *you* define a life goal? That may be part of your problem as if you think you share similar "life goals" with this guy, because you define the term uniquely, you may have little in common with each other at all.

 

I love him, but if we are going to do a LDR, I'd rather break up with him now then later when it's harder. In short, I'd like to end it on good terms and not when we have more on our plate. What do you guys think?

 

Doesn't sound to me that you're all that into this guy. Further, it sounds like it's important to you to pull the plug, before he does. Neither are a good foundation for any relationship. Do everyone a favor, and just throw in the towel, now.

 

BTW, I'm 24 and he 26.

 

I would have never guessed that, except for the fact you were talking about grad school as from what you wrote you come off as much younger, or at the very least very inexperienced when it comes to relationships and life. Sorry, but that's the impression you give.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[mguevara209]

You're part right. I am inexperienced when it comes to long distance relationships. I've never been in one. I didn't post my question for you to be rude. I posted my question to ask for some advice. Thank you for taking the time to give me yours.

[TMichaels]

I didn't post my question for you to be rude. I posted my question to ask for some advice. Thank you for taking the time to give me yours.

 

And, I posted my response not to be rude, but to give you advice. You're welcome.

 

Best of luck,

TMichaels

[okc85]

And, I posted my response not to be rude, but to give you advice. You're welcome.

 

Best of luck,

TMichaels

 

 

I think she meant d0nnivan was rude, and she's right.

 

3 hours is a long commute. Not everyone can handle it. There is no reason to be rude and tell her to suck it up and get motels in the middle. you paying for her motels? Give me a break.

[okc85]

OP, you need to do what's right for you, and not take toxic advice from people who live on loveshack.org. Please don't let bitter people warp your judgment. You know what's best for you.

[madjac74]

OP, you need to do what's right for you, and not take toxic advice from people who live on loveshack.org. Please don't let bitter people warp your judgment. You know what's best for you.

 

You ask for advice anywhere (not just loveshack) you have to be prepared for harsh words. You wanna hear nice things...go talk to your mom.

 

"You need to do whats right for you or you know whats best for you" IS NOT ADVICE!!!

[craw]

If you are strong willed, I would break up with him. Doing a masters is time consuming and hard work.

 

However, maybe you would still want a "stress relief".

[okc85]

You ask for advice anywhere (not just loveshack) you have to be prepared for harsh words. You wanna hear nice things...go talk to your mom.

 

"You need to do whats right for you or you know whats best for you" IS NOT ADVICE!!!

 

 

Actually, it is. you have NO idea who this woman is, or what she's emotionally capable of. So telling her she should just be able to handle a 3 hour LDR and pay for MOTELS every weekend (WTF?) isn't very helpful.

 

At the end of the day, only she knows what she's capable of, so sure, give your 'advice' but there's no need to get snippy or mean.

 

and for what it's worth, my mom doesn't just sugarcoat and tell me what I want to hear. she's also respectful and doesn't just foist her own opinions on me- which seems common on this message board.

 

I'm wary of anyone who has over 5K posts here.

[d0nnivain]

My advice may have been blunt but it is still more constructive then dump him.

 

The OP said she loves her BF very much & cited all that they have in common. In the face of what she characterizes as a strong bond, 3 hours for a fixed relatively short period of time is not insurmountable. Between social media, cell phones, Skype and the ability for each of them to drive 1.5 hours periodically to spend time together, this scenario is hardly tragic. Using things like airbnb, priceline & hotwire, they can probably even find workable accommodations for an affordable price.

 

She's also talking about dumping this guy now because next year they will be at different schools. That alone is a bit extreme. It also belies her claim to "love him very much."

 

In the end she has to do what is right for her. Mine is only one potential solution that allows them to stay together & still see each other. I have yet to read a constructive alternative to ending the relationship.

[lolablue17]

Isn't ther any option for you to grad at a university near him, or the opposite?

Did you do all it takes to figure it out?

[justwhoiam]

Posters engaging in arguments with each other is really silly. I couldn't read a single rude message. Everyone offers their point of view and the aim is the same for everyone: helping.

 

So, it looks like he will be starting his MA program at 27, so a bit behind schedule. Could that be an indication that also his master's will take longer to complete? That's possible. Will he be studying until age 29 or 30? Possible. Will he be working in the meantime?

Also, has he already applied for this MA program? Has he been accepted? Or is it too early now and he will only know later on?

 

I too think that if the person is worth it, if the relationship is great, if you're really in love and he is too, then it would be stupid to throw everything away because he's being 3 hours away for some time. Also, did you mean 3 hours by car?

 

I sense his move makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, beyond the mere distance. 3 hours wouldn't be considered LONG distance anyway, by today's standards. So, if I were you, I would also explore what else makes you doubt about going on with him. Because something else seems to be there.

[hippychick3]

My boyfriend and I are 3 hours driving distance apart and are making it work. He moved away due to a job transfer 3 months into our dating. I really didn't think we would stay together, but for some reason our feelings grew stronger once he moved away and really missed me. We had spent so much time together when he was here that he didn't have a chance to really and truly miss me. I have kids and only am able to see him every other weekend. We have spent every other weekend together plus vacations and longer periods of time in the summer (I'm in education) for more than 2 years (long distance part has lasted 1 year and 10 months). I would say we have a very strong relationship, and the distance has not weakened the bond.

 

However, if either one of us were not in love and crazy about each other, it would not work. If you both want it to work, 3 hours is very doable!