Author whiteshadows Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Okay, I remember you now OP. I participated in your last thread. This is the same girl who previously dumped you because she thought you were too cold and aloof, correct? And you showed her that nothing has changed at all. She came back and you demonstrated to her that she was right the first time. You don't seem to get how being so distant can cause a woman to lose attraction. It also makes us more likely to spend time and energy with a guy who is actually ready for a commitment and communicates openly. We all cautioned you against being so closed-off. And now history is repeating itself. I did change i actually picked her up at her house and payed for the date whereas i didn't before.
EricaH329 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I did change i actually picked her up at her house and payed for the date whereas i didn't before. That's a start. I didn't realize this was a problem before. Can I ask why you took so long to ask her out?
Author whiteshadows Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Okay, I remember you now OP. I participated in your last thread. This is the same girl who previously dumped you because she thought you were too cold and aloof, correct? And you showed her that nothing has changed at all. She came back and you demonstrated to her that she was right the first time. You don't seem to get how being so distant can cause a woman to lose attraction. It also makes us more likely to spend time and energy with a guy who is actually ready for a commitment and communicates openly. We all cautioned you against being so closed-off. And now history is repeating itself. I did change i actually picked her up at her house and payed for the date whereas i didn't before.And yes i may be cold and aloof i take blame for that , but if is she wasn't so passive aggressive and actually communicated'' why havent you texted me'' it wwould fix alot.
Author whiteshadows Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 That's a start. I didn't realize this was a problem before. Can I ask why you took so long to ask her out? Honestly i was waiting for her to initiate
EricaH329 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Honestly i was waiting for her to initiate Fair enough. That happens. Honestly I would just take this situation as a learning experience. Going forward, I would try to just go with what feels right. If you like her, act on it. The waiting game can leave you waiting for a long time, if not forever.
Author whiteshadows Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Fair enough. That happens. Honestly I would just take this situation as a learning experience. Going forward, I would try to just go with what feels right. If you like her, act on it. The waiting game can leave you waiting for a long time, if not forever. The thing is with most girls it wouldnt piss them off that much, im guessing she personally needs more attemtion than others.
EricaH329 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 The thing is with most girls it wouldnt piss them off that much, im guessing she personally needs more attemtion than others. Well that's tough to say, since every girl is different. I tend to get a bit turned off when a guy takes a long time to ask me out. I've recently started initiating contact to avoid the waiting game. I don't care if I get turned down, because at least I showed that I cared. Some girls aren't like that though. They'll expect a quicker response to get another date. It all depends on the girl. As long as you are staying true to yourself, then the 'right' girl for you will eventually show herself.
Author whiteshadows Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Well that's tough to say, since every girl is different. I tend to get a bit turned off when a guy takes a long time to ask me out. I've recently started initiating contact to avoid the waiting game. I don't care if I get turned down, because at least I showed that I cared. Some girls aren't like that though. They'll expect a quicker response to get another date. It all depends on the girl. As long as you are staying true to yourself, then the 'right' girl for you will eventually show herself. Yeah i guess you have to adjust but this girl in particular seems to be a case of its own
MissBee Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 If she was interested she'd have told you when she IS free Ditto. She sounds disinterested. I don't blame her either. I would think a man did not like me or was trying to use me for sex if we went out on a date and he did not utter a word to me until a week later. 1
Versacehottie Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Nah shes gone cold, i asked her to do something on Monday and she gave the we'll see. At the same time she didnt text me during that week either, but shes the type that will never initiate contact. Im just pissed since i know shes gone cold because she thinks i dont care when in fact i do. But telling her will be like me chasing. Listen, all you have left now in your bag of tricks is YOUR HONESTY. Why are you afraid of looking like you are chasing her? You are just showing appropriate interest if you tell her that you are sorry you shouldn't have waited a week to be in touch; you don't want it to get messed up like it did last time and you really care about her or really like her. You'd be surprised how well that sh*t works! 2
Author whiteshadows Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Ditto. She sounds disinterested. I don't blame her either. I would think a man did not like me or was trying to use me for sex if we went out on a date and he did not utter a word to me until a week later. yeah it sucks she thinks that
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Ditto. She sounds disinterested. I don't blame her either. I would think a man did not like me or was trying to use me for sex if we went out on a date and he did not utter a word to me until a week later. Exactly. OP, it's becoming very clear that you two are just not compatible. You have very different communication styles and expectations. A relationship isn't possible when people don't communicate, wherever the fault may lie. Sounds like she's just lost interest. Start dating other people, but be aware that most women are not going to respond well to you being so closed-off. It' s not just this girl.
h0000 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I didn't read the replies. So just judging by your first post, no text for a week and the text that came first was "when to get together". That was just a emotionless pure booty call. Her reply was to blow you off as well. I don't know what was your real intention. But she surely thinks you are only after sex. I know I do.
Author whiteshadows Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 I didn't read the replies. So just judging by your first post, no text for a week and the text that came first was "when to get together". That was just a emotionless pure booty call. Her reply was to blow you off as well. I don't know what was your real intention. But she surely thinks you are only after sex. I know I do. my intentions were not to just have sex, at the same time she didnt initiate but knowing this girl i think shes the type the never initiates.
Toodaloo Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Yeah its like she was hiding her needyness, but it showed in subtle ways. So this girl is getting on with her life, ignoring a guy who was being bit of a player who can't make his mind up if he wants her or her mate and your calling her needy??? I think you have behaved badly, you know you have and now you are shirking the responsibility and acceptance of your own bad behavior and trying to make this poor girl out to be something else so it makes you feel better. Erica helping you all along the way with silly remarks about how it is OK to treat others badly or expect others to play to your personal agenda. I read a lot of messed up stuff on these boards... Personally I think you have a lot of growing up to do so its probably best that you concentrate on your studies and leave this poor girl, and her mate, alone. They don't want you. They don't need you. You have messsed up. Learn your lesson, quit being a jerk and perhaps next time you will have better "luck". 3
StellaGrace Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 cripes - this blaming her and calling her "needy" because she didn't jump at the text that you sent a week after your meet-up, which she responded to fairly quickly in a way you didn't want to hear, is RIDICULOUS. you said you like the girl - you have no idea if she's needy yet. be a man! CALL her on the phone and tell her you like her and ask her on a date. this soft texting business with a bunch of projections about psychological dysfunction to assuage your deflated ego is absurd. 4
h0000 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 my intentions were not to just have sex, at the same time she didnt initiate but knowing this girl i think shes the type the never initiates. She didn't initiate because she was sure you were just after sex which she wasn't interested in. so what should she initiate anyway? Why did you make you sound like you were not serious? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 my intentions were not to just have sex, at the same time she didnt initiate but knowing this girl i think shes the type the never initiates. No. She is the type that will walk away when the guy she previously dumped for being aloof is still being aloof the second time around. She sees it's not going anywhere and knows better than to keep feeding into something that doesn't make her happy. 3
Toodaloo Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 No. She is the type that will walk away when the guy she previously dumped for being aloof is still being aloof the second time around. She sees it's not going anywhere and knows better than to keep feeding into something that doesn't make her happy. Thank God for some sense round here... 1
Author whiteshadows Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 So this girl is getting on with her life, ignoring a guy who was being bit of a player who can't make his mind up if he wants her or her mate and your calling her needy??? I think you have behaved badly, you know you have and now you are shirking the responsibility and acceptance of your own bad behavior and trying to make this poor girl out to be something else so it makes you feel better. Erica helping you all along the way with silly remarks about how it is OK to treat others badly or expect others to play to your personal agenda. I read a lot of messed up stuff on these boards... Personally I think you have a lot of growing up to do so its probably best that you concentrate on your studies and leave this poor girl, and her mate, alone. They don't want you. They don't need you. You have messsed up. Learn your lesson, quit being a jerk and perhaps next time you will have better "luck". How am i after her friend in anyway lol. And thé only thing i did bad i not contacting her for. À week yet she did thé same
Toodaloo Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 How am i after her friend in anyway lol. And thé only thing i did bad i not contacting her for. À week yet she did thé same Yeah she would probably be really needy down the road, on the date i asked how her bestfriend was doing who is a female and she lied about her having a bf, as if i was gonna go after her friend. This girl has had enough of you. You have played too many games. According to you this girl is a lier (see above), needy (see countless posts) and your not even bothered until you can't have her anyway... Actually you know what. I am fed up with trying to explain. I have better things to do with my time than prat about with someone with an attitude like this.
Author whiteshadows Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 This girl has had enough of you. You have played too many games. According to you this girl is a lier (see above), needy (see countless posts) and your not even bothered until you can't have her anyway... Actually you know what. I am fed up with trying to explain. I have better things to do with my time than prat about with someone with an attitude like this.ii I didnt play any games lols
EricaH329 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 So this girl is getting on with her life, ignoring a guy who was being bit of a player who can't make his mind up if he wants her or her mate and your calling her needy??? I think you have behaved badly, you know you have and now you are shirking the responsibility and acceptance of your own bad behavior and trying to make this poor girl out to be something else so it makes you feel better. Erica helping you all along the way with silly remarks about how it is OK to treat others badly or expect others to play to your personal agenda. I read a lot of messed up stuff on these boards... Personally I think you have a lot of growing up to do so its probably best that you concentrate on your studies and leave this poor girl, and her mate, alone. They don't want you. They don't need you. You have messsed up. Learn your lesson, quit being a jerk and perhaps next time you will have better "luck". That's a little harsh. Granted, I did not realize this was an on-going problem, I think calling my remarks 'silly' after i've clearly stated that every girl is different, is a little backwards. The lovely part about posting on these forums is hearing different peoples opinions. Personally, if a guy waited a week to contact me, I wouldn't have been waiting around like i'm helpless. I would have reached out to him. So, in my opinion, I think it's 'silly' for her to expect him to go after her, and then get upset (or put-off) when he doesn't. Knowing that this has been a problem in the past, i've clearly stated that since he is trying to make progress, that this should be thought of as a 'lesson'. I think he gets the point that most girls wouldn't have wanted to wait. After all, there are only 4 pages of people telling him this. It's one thing to give constructive criticism, and it's a completely different thing to just mean downright mean.
Author whiteshadows Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 That's a little harsh. Granted, I did not realize this was an on-going problem, I think calling my remarks 'silly' after i've clearly stated that every girl is different, is a little backwards. The lovely part about posting on these forums is hearing different peoples opinions. Personally, if a guy waited a week to contact me, I wouldn't have been waiting around like i'm helpless. I would have reached out to him. So, in my opinion, I think it's 'silly' for her to expect him to go after her, and then get upset (or put-off) when he doesn't. Knowing that this has been a problem in the past, i've clearly stated that since he is trying to make progress, that this should be thought of as a 'lesson'. I think he gets the point that most girls wouldn't have wanted to wait. After all, there are only 4 pages of people telling him this. It's one thing to give constructive criticism, and it's a completely different thing to just mean downright mean. Yeah very uncalled.for
kendahke Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 So this girl is getting on with her life, ignoring a guy who was being bit of a player who can't make his mind up if he wants her or her mate and your calling her needy??? I think you have behaved badly, you know you have and now you are shirking the responsibility and acceptance of your own bad behavior and trying to make this poor girl out to be something else so it makes you feel better. Erica helping you all along the way with silly remarks about how it is OK to treat others badly or expect others to play to your personal agenda. I read a lot of messed up stuff on these boards... Personally I think you have a lot of growing up to do so its probably best that you concentrate on your studies and leave this poor girl, and her mate, alone. They don't want you. They don't need you. You have messsed up. Learn your lesson, quit being a jerk and perhaps next time you will have better "luck". ^^^this right here. OP, your other thread kind of dashes your intent here, sorry to have to say. Hey, if you dont' want to chase her, etc., then don't. Find someone else. Problem solved.
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