Ashley S Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Ok, what I mean by "hung up on his ex", is not in a lovey dovey way. Him and his ex went through a lot of crap. She put him through the court and everything. I am not saying it is true, and I am not saying it isn't true, but supposedly he punched her. I have been dating him since May, and he hasn't acted violent towards me at all, and we got into some arguments. He just walks away, but he doesn't raise his voice, or get violent. However, his recent court date with her was September 3rd. And he got fines and probation. However, he keeps talking about her saying he wants "closure", and he has "no love" for her, yet he wants an "apology" and "closure". I explained to him that sometimes in life unjustly things happen to us, and we don't get the answer we need, or want, so in a result of that I told him to move on, and just pay the fines, and be done with it. He's like "I'm not a woman beater. Gina can't think that she can get away with this. I have a criminal record, when I didn't do anything to her. I have no love for her, but what i at least want is an apology, and closure. I am appealing this, because I don't deserve to have a criminal record, when I didn't do anything to her." I said "Well, unfortunately a lot of things like that happen. What about people that are completely innocent that spend years in prison? It's unjustly, and wrong, but you can't dwell on things you can't control. All you can do is move on, and better yourself, and your well being. Why do you want closure form her anyways? She's not a good person (from what I know of her) and she is trashy, so with that said, why is she renting so much space in your head? Let it go. You should be more proud that you have something better." He was like "I am. I love you, but I am mad that Gina walks away free, and I have to pay like $5000 dollars, and I have to have a criminal record." I don't know. He talks about it a lot, and I am worried if he is too hung up on his ex, or if he actually wants to be with her. What should I do or say? I asked him if he would ever be with her, and he is adamant on his answer of "NO". But, I don't know how much more I can take of him always talking about how he needs closure, and him now appealing the case. If it was me, I wouldn't want to be around that person, and I would want to forget about all of this, so I would just pay the $5000, just because I would know then I am done with all of this BS and I could move on. I am mad he doesn't see it that way. What do you think?
Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 He was like "I am. I love you, but I am mad that Gina walks away free, and I have to pay like $5000 dollars, and I have to have a criminal record." What do you think? I think you need to walk away from the drama... Preferably before you get a black eye...
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Invite him on a snipe hunt. It will just as productive. Until he figures out that closure comes from inside himself & he will never get it from her, you are kind of screwed.
Author Ashley S Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Invite him on a snipe hunt. It will just as productive. Until he figures out that closure comes from inside himself & he will never get it from her, you are kind of screwed. What do you mean "Invite him on a snipe hunt"? I'm sorry lol, I am kinda dumb. I don't know what you mean by that. Thanks.
PegNosePete Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 There is one website that should always be searched when you don't understand a term on a forum. Urban Dictionary: snipe hunt
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 What do you mean "Invite him on a snipe hunt"? I'm sorry lol, I am kinda dumb. I don't know what you mean by that. Thanks. A snipe hunt is a joke. there are no such things as snipe. Gullible people who are searching for something they will never find are "on a snipe hunt."
PegNosePete Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 there are no such things as snipe. Actually..... The RSPB: Snipe
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Fine Pete . . .when & where are we going hunting? I'm not flying to the UK. We can bring Ashley & her BF with us. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I'm in. You know how much I love guns,.... 1
siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Go with your gut instinct. I had a similar 'relationship' a few years ago and it went on for years. He had been cheated on by his ex. They had a child together. I listened to all the things she did to him.... and it went on and on. When I asked him if he had feelings for her - no. Never she's a bitch..... Years later - it all came out - all those thought and doubts about him and his feelings were confirmed. Behind my back - we had an on off relationship - he was trying to get back with her! I had that feeling but he would insist he felt nothing for her. You know better than anybody what your situation is and what your gut is telling you... because it is telling you something!
PaperCrane Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 5 large is a large sum of money. I'd fight it too. However, I will echo a lot of sentiment in many of your threads that you once again need to walk away from this one as well. I'm not trying to judge but most of the guys you're dating have criminal records, drug/alcohol problems, anger issues, etc. Methinks a change of scenery would do you well. 2
Guyouthere Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 If you are lucky, it will work. I honestly have never heard of one that does. That is just me. Hung up on the ex…. Best advice….. to you…. leave. I went through this,,,, and I am the most patient person. I tried, hard, very, and it is too much and it does widdle down on you, and at the subconscious level, which is beyond our control of reasoning. You will resent it… that he is doing and feeling/saying, whatever concerning the ex. And it ail manifest itself in ugly ways…. because it builds up in you…. Eventually it will become an argument, whether or not you want it to. Ask me how I know. I am the most loving guy, but I got frustrated because I eventually felt that relationship was going no where. For me, giving her time,,, she outright told me several times that she might never stop loving him, and she likely won't. Regardless…. Even a statement like that, will and did cause me to wonder… why am I here at all for her? I already invested a lot…. you can go through some of my posts here and read just how much. 1
kendahke Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 No, he sounds like he's more hung up on having a criminal charge on his record that is going to follow him around for a good part of his young life than he is about his ex. She IS the reason why this charge is on his record and quite frankly he needs to be about getting the evidence to overturn that, not try to get an apology from her. It's meaningless, anyway, because saying "I'm sorry for lying" isn't going to get that charge taken off his record anytime soon. 1
casey.lives Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 If he feels strongly, go and do everything with him by his side while he sorts out what he wants to sort out. If you are able to participate and navigate it with him, it might be really good for you guys.
warshaw Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Seems to me that he's pissed off at his ex for filing a criminal charge against him and he understandably doesnt want it on his record. Whether he's actually guilty of punching her or not isn't even relevant. Doesn't mean he's "hung up on her" and like I said I totally get why he's going to appeal the charges. I suggest you stop arguing with him about it and let him take care of his own business, and keep a watchful eye on him for poor anger management. Sometimes ex's can trigger a person to do something that wouldn't normally happen. My ex used to trigger me into a blind rage of fury, although I never laid a hand on her I'd yell and scream. In my current relationship of almost 4 years we never, ever yell at one another, at the very worst we might get a bit.. uptight with one another during a disagreement which we quickly resolve. Sometimes it's all about personality conflicts.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 because saying "I'm sorry for lying" isn't going to get that charge taken off his record anytime soon. Along with proving perjury, I don't know if this is his intention or what, But I'm sure his appeal would be successful if he could record her saying such. I have never of snipe hunting, that's a new one for me, Seems like a malicious attempt at poking fun at vulnerability.
Diezel Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I think you need to walk away from the drama... Preferably before you get a black eye... Ashley loves to walk TOWARDS drama and STAY in it. Hence her attraction to this guy. Any other woman would be like "Um, you punched her? Courts? Fines? Probation?" BYE FELICIA. Not Ashley. 1
Author Ashley S Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Thanks for explaining what "snipe hunt" means lol. Thanks everyone for commenting. It is really hard for me because he seems very much in love with me, but I can't tell if he just angry about the charges? Or he's angry cause really he wants to be with her? Even though I keep saying to him, "Do you want to be with her?" He's always has a response of "NO". I even said to him that I wouldn't yell at him, or get angry. I will just know what to do if he ultimately wants her. I will just walk away. He still keeps saying he doesn't want her. When people rent space in my head it is because I care. If I don't care about the person, then I don't give a ****, I am not thinking of them, or letting them rent that much space. It is so hard to tell, all I can hope for is that he's being honest. He has been honest with me throughout this relationship, so hopefully he's being honest by saying he doesn't want her.
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