siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Just curious if anybody had a few dates with someone and then that person disappeared..... which is cowardly and annoying as far as I am concerned. Did you have this happen and feel the need to vent? If so - what happened? Did you feel better?
Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Never felt the need. Like you say its cowardly and a bit pathetic. Those people are not for me so why would I bother getting in touch with them? I just forget about them to be honest. Never felt the need to vent or have a go at them. I just don't think about them at all. I am not going to get on with everyone and there is no rule stating that every person on this planet has to adore me so why should I worry about it? Far better to worry about the people that do not do this to you. 2
Zippy2000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 The "fade away" or "ghosting". Yes, it happens. I dated a girl and after a couple of dates she disappeared. No reply on the dating site, phone call or texts. I think some people think its better to fade then reject you. Its bad manners and leaves the person high and drying thinking if it was something you said or done to make them disappear. Its better to be rejected than ignored. 1
Author siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 yeah.. it was a bad bad bad idea. Your post kind of made me laugh (and I've not laughed all day).... I am very curious what happened? (If you feel like sharing - if not - I understand).
Author siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 The "fade away" or "ghosting". Yes, it happens. I dated a girl and after a couple of dates she disappeared. No reply on the dating site, phone call or texts. I think some people think its better to fade then reject you. Its bad manners and leaves the person high and drying thinking if it was something you said or done to make them disappear. Its better to be rejected than ignored. Fading away might be - as in bit by bit - it gives you time to realise it at least - but the sudden silence after intense contact - from one day to the next - this I find horrible and completely unacceptable. I will never understand it and find it so weak and cowardly.
Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Its better to be rejected than ignored. When I have ghosted its because I have that niggly feeling that they are going to go bats at me. It has happened far too many times to me now. Its really nasty when they do. If I think that they are sane and have their feet on the ground I tell them. One guy I told about 9 times but he just would not listen. Even asked how my music lessons were going? What music lessons? I am tone deaf and couldn't play an instrument to save my life! Not worth the bother. So I ghost on those.
Zippy2000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 When I have ghosted its because I have that niggly feeling that they are going to go bats at me. It has happened far too many times to me now. Its really nasty when they do. If I think that they are sane and have their feet on the ground I tell them. One guy I told about 9 times but he just would not listen. Even asked how my music lessons were going? What music lessons? I am tone deaf and couldn't play an instrument to save my life! Not worth the bother. So I ghost on those. Told a guy 9 times? I think we need to work on your commication more. lol 2
Author siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Yes. I understand disappearing on those that look like they are crazy.... but I have read over the last conversation with the guy and it was HIM coming on strong. Why do this if you are going to disappear the next day?! He spent all day asking me for every possible way to contact me... and then silence. wtf?! I have blocked him now but I still get angry when I think that people find this behavior anywhere near acceptable.
Gaeta Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I did it twice. Man #1: We had 3 fun dates. He even told his daughter (10) about me. He called each day, he seemed totally into me. After our 3rd date I contacted him he never got back to me. A week later I send him a text I said obviously he did not want to see me again and it was ok but I'd like to know if it was something I had done or said. Never had a reply. Man#2: We had 5 dates, he spent the night over twice. The last morning I saw him he was talking about going away for a weekend, how I was amazing blahblahblah. I never heard from him again. I contacted him a week later, he never replied.
Zippy2000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Its not just to do with rejection though. Its also to do with the level of interest. A person wholikes you will pursue up to a point. I read on another thread that there are two points in dating when you meet "First meet" Point A to the point where you have sex. Point B. Its how a person interacts with you from these two points which should determine how he gets to Point B. Its like a game of tennis. Without constant training and going to matches and playing hard.......you arent going to go to the championships are you? Think of it as going to Wimbledon. So why let a man disappear and be absent from "training". If he`s not investing and putting in time for you then its time to let go.
Author siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 I did it twice. Man #1: We had 3 fun dates. He even told his daughter (10) about me. He called each day, he seemed totally into me. After our 3rd date I contacted him he never got back to me. A week later I send him a text I said obviously he did not want to see me again and it was ok but I'd like to know if it was something I had done or said. Never had a reply. Man#2: We had 5 dates, he spent the night over twice. The last morning I saw him he was talking about going away for a weekend, how I was amazing blahblahblah. I never heard from him again. I contacted him a week later, he never replied. OMG!!! I've only had this happen once (and that was recent) and I just can't understand it. I think to myself - that they have absolutely no manners. Total cowards. I would never dream of doing that to someone even if I hated them! Mainly because I do not want to behave like a piece of S***! What are they thinking? I will tell this woman how wonderful I find her and make plans on her and then just not bother telling her I changed my mind. Just leave her wondering...... grrr!
LostOnes05 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Yea, I've had it happen to me multiple times. However, the last time it happened the person got in touch months later to apologize. By then I didn't really care and accepted the apology for what it was worth.
Author siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 I am so curious about this. I can understand having a ONS and not having contact again but when someone pretends to like you and be interested and goes missing - I'd not come across this before. I am beginning to think that is is acceptable in our society for men to lie and mislead women as long as they feel ok about themselves. No regard. No consideration. I feel disgusted by it...
Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I am beginning to think that is is acceptable in our society for men to lie and mislead women as long as they feel ok about themselves. No regard. No consideration. I feel disgusted by it... Try not to think of it that way as the only person who ultimately is hurt by that way of thinking is you. It will make you bitter in the long term while they carry on regardless? Thats not really on. So just forget about them and be done with it. Told a guy 9 times? I think we need to work on your commication more. lol Mmm. I guess F*** off and slamming down the phone on him is not really subtle enough... That was the last time I spoke to him... I have been ignoring him since. I have done nice, I have done blunt, I have done plain rude but still he comes back... Its a bit embarrassing really.
Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Yes. I understand disappearing on those that look like they are crazy.... but I have read over the last conversation with the guy and it was HIM coming on strong. Why do this if you are going to disappear the next day?! I think sometimes guys frighten themselves to be honest and rush into things. Hence they come on strong, realise that they are rushing then back right off because they get a bit stuck and don't know what to do about it... basically they are emotional wrecks so need to be steered clear of when it comes to dating anyway.
katiegrl Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I think sometimes guys frighten themselves to be honest and rush into things. Hence they come on strong, realise that they are rushing then back right off because they get a bit stuck and don't know what to do about it... basically they are emotional wrecks so need to be steered clear of when it comes to dating anyway. This may be the best and most accurate explanation I have heard to date, to explain why men who come on fast (and strong) disappear just as fast.... and why women should be VERY wary of such guy. Women have been wracking their brains for years trying to figure this out, and here comes Toodles, who very simply, knocks it out of the park.
lino Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I have a few times and wish I hadn't each time. Waste of time. I think sometimes guys frighten themselves to be honest and rush into things. Hence they come on strong, realise that they are rushing then back right off because they get a bit stuck and don't know what to do about it... basically they are emotional wrecks so need to be steered clear of when it comes to dating anyway. No, they meet someone else who they perceive is better and go with that. Nothing more. It's the same reason why women do it, has nothing to do with being an emotional wreck. Most of those types eventually settle when they feel like it and lead a very happy life. I know many like that. 1
Author siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) I have a few times and wish I hadn't each time. Waste of time. No, they meet someone else who they perceive is better and go with that. Nothing more. It's the same reason why women do it, has nothing to do with being an emotional wreck. Most of those types eventually settle when they feel like it and lead a very happy life. I know many like that. So you know plenty of guys that tell women how much they miss them, how they want to see them, make plans for the future, text all day and the next day completely ignore them? And this is normal?? I would never make plans with someone and tell them that I miss them - then completely ignore them the next day. It wouldn't enter my head. I can't imagine how anybody would consider that normal or acceptable. If you are involved with someone and you meet someone more interesting - have the decency to let them know.... it is a very basic thing. I believe anybody that behaves like this is nothing more than a coward. Edited September 24, 2015 by siriusp
jam.over.jelly Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Why bother with those guys anyway? They are losers and they don't deserve any more seconds of us trying to figure out the reason of their behavior. Whatever that reason might be, all I know is that they chose the easy way out; and that speaks volume about their character. 1
Author siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Why bother with those guys anyway? They are losers and they don't deserve any more seconds of us trying to figure out the reason of their behavior. Whatever that reason might be, all I know is that they chose the easy way out; and that speaks volume about their character. Yes. Very true. I am just completely baffled - and mainly with myself. He seemed so well mannered and kind. I would never have imagined him to do something like this. It seems so out of character - not that I know him well - but normally I do not misjudge people so badly. I am angry with myself for believing him when he made plans with me - that I couldn't tell it was all lies and that I fell for it. I am so hurt. I have never been made such a fool of in my life. Why would anybody do what he did - I really don't know. He must be a really sick person if he has nothing better to do with his time than play stupid games with someones emotions.
jam.over.jelly Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Yes. Very true. I am just completely baffled - and mainly with myself. He seemed so well mannered and kind. I would never have imagined him to do something like this. It seems so out of character - not that I know him well - but normally I do not misjudge people so badly. I am angry with myself for believing him when he made plans with me - that I couldn't tell it was all lies and that I fell for it. I am so hurt. I have never been made such a fool of in my life. Why would anybody do what he did - I really don't know. He must be a really sick person if he has nothing better to do with his time than play stupid games with someones emotions. Ahhh girl I know the feeling. Hell I ve been there so many times, every single time they never show me any signs! They always make future plans and lead me on! They all seem so genuine I completely forget the fact that I barely know them at all! With that said, I know now to take my time before jumping the gun and think so highly of someone without giving it much time. One or two months isn't enough. We have to see a consistency in their behavior. And plus I need to trust my gut instinct more, if I sense a little uneasy, chances are the guy is fishy and will vanish at some point. I always sense it, I just never listen to myself, and always give those guys the benefit of the doubt when clearly they don't deserve it. And guess what, those guys, they will resurface at some point, I can't help but questioning how in the world can people have such thick skin, coming back like nothing ever happened. 1
katiegrl Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I have a few times and wish I hadn't each time. Waste of time. No, they meet someone else who they perceive is better and go with that. ** Nothing more.*** It's the same reason why women do it, has nothing to do with being an emotional wreck. Most of those types eventually settle when they feel like it and lead a very happy life. I know many like that. Sometimes it IS more though. I am sure your scenario is very true too though ...but to say it's "nothing more" in every single case is missing the mark. My own brother is a perfect example. Has flat out disappeared on many great women, immediately after nearly telling them he was in love with them! And no there was NO *other* woman waiting in the wings or to whom he was even attracted. He fell hard and fast, pulled them in, and once they starting expecting more (even when HE himself pushed for more) ...he would pull disappearing act. People have issues.
Trane Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I did it twice. Man #1: We had 3 fun dates. He even told his daughter (10) about me. He called each day, he seemed totally into me. After our 3rd date I contacted him he never got back to me. A week later I send him a text I said obviously he did not want to see me again and it was ok but I'd like to know if it was something I had done or said. Never had a reply. Man#2: We had 5 dates, he spent the night over twice. The last morning I saw him he was talking about going away for a weekend, how I was amazing blahblahblah. I never heard from him again. I contacted him a week later, he never replied. I'm like a cat who hates abandonment. Woman #1 - Took me almost half a year of seeing her on the street during my work commute to muster up the courage to introduce myself. She takes my number, we meet up at lunch, have a nice time and I never see her again. Even tried walking the same path to work to get a glance. Nada. Woman #2 - Exchanged numbers, texted and called each other for a couple of weeks, went out on a couple of dates and never heard from her again. Tried reaching out to her and never got a response. Nada. Woman #3 - Met up at a concert and exchanged numbers. I tell her about my own concert and she comes to the show with a male friend who she told me she has no relationship with. We talk two days later, planned to meet up for dinner. She disappears without an explanation. Nada. No explanation for any of them behaving like this but nowadays women don't surprise me with their actions. Some women are about as worthy as a box of cornflakes. Others are too scared of hurting a guys feelings or telling it how it really is so they leave without a trace. It's only when I see these women in public again weeks or months later and they try to make random conversation with me or give me excuses to why they backed out. This is when I get nasty and a little bit mean, ONLY BECAUSE I CARED. Most of the time I just don't say a word and walk away leaving them wondering why I won't engage them. A girl who disappeared on me once asked me months later why I was being an a-hole and wasn't talking to her. My response? Why did you behave like a douche and vanish?
shet Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Never done it, had it done to me enough times. Only guys I know who've done it did so because of genuinely scary behaviour on a womans part, requiring up to and including Facebook deletion and phone number changes.
Recommended Posts