Bo34 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) So it's been 2 long hard months since my breakup. I guess some people move faster than others, but for others, like myself, the healing process takes a long time. I've been mourning this loss for some time now, while my ex has been posting pictures and adding friends left and right from what I hear through mutual friends of mine. All of which is, or shall I say was (since I don't even know her anymore) very veryyy unlike her. This is coming from a girl who rarely posted any picutres during out year long relationship. I was just going through some thoughts today, and it struck me as kind of odd, but for the first time since our break-up I started to remember detailed convo's we had during that last month we were still together and how she was being so distant with me. I know it sounds so pathetic, because I'm 2 months in, but my mind has been mostly centered on 3 different scenes and I've replayed these scenes over and over, every waking moment of every day. It's like groundhog day, every frigging day; 1) The breakup event. 2) All the good times we had with one another. 3) When/If she will contact me to reconcile. What's weird is that up until today I haven't given much, if any thought on how my ex was changing during the last month. Maybe it's my stupid mind who is living in fantasy land and can't wake up. Maybe it's cuz I'm weak, I really don't know........ I knew she had grown distant and disconnected with me as she admitted during our breakup, however, for the first time, I started vividly remembering scenarios whether it be phone conversations, texts, or outings we had on she was being so cold. I started remembering random stuff out of nowhere. What I said, what I talked about and how she didn't really seem too enthused about our convos like before, howe she was initiating calls/texts like before. Little stuff here and there but when I add all them up it's very clear that she was checked out. Anyways, I don't know if this will carry weight with reality and moving on but for right now, this has shed some new light into my thought process. I'm now, at this very moment, seriously doubting she will ever come back because she changed. The person that I've been mourning these past 2 months after the breakup, was longgggggg gone even during our relationship. When I think of her those last 3 - 4 weeks, I start not feeling as bad, because that was not the girl I fell in love with. Has anyone else gone through this??????? Edited September 24, 2015 by Bo34
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Has she really changed or was she that way when you met her? My ex changed once she got into a relationship with me. Once we broke up, her old ways returned.
sparkles_and_me Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 My ex was just like that. Throughout our relationship, he was the one who always told me things like never to leave him because he would get crazy, that he loved me so much, and did/said all those sweet stuff. But I always reciprocated everything, I showed and told him that he was an important part of my life and I felt the same way he did. But a few weeks to the day of the breakup, I've noticed that he had changed so much. Got so distant, he didn't act/talk to me like he's my bf, he barely ask how I am or did he care what I am doing or how/what I am feeling, if I am still breathing or whatnot. So now, I am realizing all these things which is actually helping me let go of him and the feelings I have for him. I am still on the process of moving forward and I can say that I already have gone a long way. But as what they say, it comes in waves but it can be dealt with. Just be strong. 2
Author Bo34 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Has she really changed or was she that way when you met her? My ex changed once she got into a relationship with me. Once we broke up, her old ways returned. No, not at all. She was never like that with me in any way... It was only the last month. It's quite funny because I claimed the breakup came out of nowhere, but looking back now, the signs we're all there. They were right in front of me and yet, I still couldn't see.
Author Bo34 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 My ex was just like that. Throughout our relationship, he was the one who always told me things like never to leave him because he would get crazy, that he loved me so much, and did/said all those sweet stuff. But I always reciprocated everything, I showed and told him that he was an important part of my life and I felt the same way he did. But a few weeks to the day of the breakup, I've noticed that he had changed so much. Got so distant, he didn't act/talk to me like he's my bf, he barely ask how I am or did he care what I am doing or how/what I am feeling, if I am still breathing or whatnot. So now, I am realizing all these things which is actually helping me let go of him and the feelings I have for him. I am still on the process of moving forward and I can say that I already have gone a long way. But as what they say, it comes in waves but it can be dealt with. Just be strong. I just feel pathetic because I've been in denial in many ways... I agree with you, it will prob come in waves and go back and forth but like you said, when you finally start concentrating on how things really changed, how they became so different towards the end, it becomes so much easier finally letting go. I just wish our minds would stop the selective memory and focus more on the end part because I did not fall in love with that person those last 4 weeks. The person who I fell in love with was a memory and is gone
casey.lives Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 breaking up can change a person.. if it was a vicious break up
Meli22 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Don't feel pathetic. My ex changed 4 months before we broke up. He became cold, distant, actually telling me he didn't have it in him to be a proper boyfriend anymore. He didn't want to go out anymore and he didn't do or even try to do anything to show he cared or loved me. He tried to turn the situation round to make him look like the victim and that it was so hard on him. I ended up leaving him (he was shocked, I have no idea why). But yeah.. It was all there in front of me first hand for a long time too. I didn't ignore it, I knew it was happening but I just tried because my esteem had been battered enough during our relationship as it was.
Seth0194 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 In an essence they all change. I mean if they did not change they would not be an ex (even if they are changing for the better, they still change, we change as well, change our lives pick up new hobbies, habits ) The whole thing is about change. I am not the same man I was 2 months ago, I was convinced I had found my happily ever after (sort to speak) so I have changed. As did she. All in all, I see what you mean but a break-up changes all.
Liono84 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 If there is a breakup involved, then the person who dumped the dumpee was changing for quite some time. No breakup is out of the blue. No ones going to wake up one morning and say they are breaking up with the other person. It's something that has been on the dumpers mind for weeks, or months. It's just that the person being dumped doesn't see it happening. Sometimes, the signs are all right in front of you and the dumpee can't see them and sometimes they're not as evident. Regardless of whether they fell out of love with you or had other external forces they had to put more priority on, the relationship in their eyes was not as important. They changed.
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