teacherman Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 To start off, I am an 8th grade history teacher and coach in my 20s. I have been dating my current girlfriend for about 2.5 years. We met in college (Greek life) and hit it off. The relationship lasted past graduation, but we got jobs 2 hours away. We saw each other on weekends during the school year and then I got a job in her city for this current school year. We moved in together about 2 months ago and everything started great. Then, I started school. There's another teacher at the school who I met that has been on my mind a lot. She's a couple years older than me, but is drop dead beautiful and sexy at the same time (I mean, she is a sight to see...breathtaking), and has a great personality. She seems to beam every time she sees me (which may very well be how she looks at everyone). Our classrooms are not super close, so we don't see each other often. Maybe once or twice a day in passing. We do cross paths in the mornings a lot and after school (we both coach fall sports), and when I see her coming I start to get nervous and my heart beats just a bit faster. She's great with the kids and has a wonderful smile that she flashes at me all the time. She's intoxicating and I feel a strong pull to her. One weekend recently a couple of the younger teachers (including us two) went out for drinks on a Friday, and I brought my girlfriend with me. My girlfriend and this girl met and chatted for a bit and made some connections (both from the same city). So this teacher is aware that I have a girlfriend. However, being with her in a social setting made these feelings worse. She's fun, likes beer, likes sports, etc. We have a lot in common. Every time we talk I get a little excited. Lately I've been thinking a lot about her, fantasizing at times, and trying to figure things out. She has shown no obvious signs of reciprocating these feelings besides being nice and sweet to me. Is this a passing crush based on physical attraction? Probably. But the chance that it could be something substantial has me second guessing myself. Right now, my girlfriend and I seem to be a bit stagnant. Probably the phase of living together when we're just too used to seeing each other. I love my girlfriend and she's great to me, but I've just been a bit bored lately. Our sex life is not the best it's ever been. It seems like a chore most of the time, and we're in our 20s. What do I do? I've been telling myself to see how things play out for a little bit. If these feelings do not go away, what do I do?
Buddhist Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 What do I do? I've been telling myself to see how things play out for a little bit. If these feelings do not go away, what do I do? You realise that this is one of many moments in your future where you will have to make a decision. Is this other woman worth sacrificing a relationship for, on the off chance that she will offer you a better one? Is there really something there beyond hormones? Every partnered person will at some point be hit with a hormonal rush for someone else. Not every one of them pursues the new option though. If you choose not to do that then I would suggest giving this other teacher a wide berth professionally and socially would be a great idea until the hormones work their way out of your body. 4
empresario Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I agree with the above and will elaborate. And please try to pardon my "French". As guys, there will always be something to 'new p****'. It's new, it's exciting, it has allure. Our genes are telling us to explore it, to spread out into new territory. But, don't forget 'old p****'. It may have lost the new car smell, but you know it's reliable and you know all the little intricacies. It's familiar and it's stable. The thing is, you will almost assuredly always see other women you find attractive. You have to ask yourself...would I be OK if my current girlfriend were no longer in my life? If the answer is yes, dump her. You're not ready for a long-term relationship. The rest doesn't matter. Trust me. You can separate your stuff and move out. You can get over the stigma of your family and friends questioning the decision. It's trivial in the long run. If the answer is no, then control yourself. It's not wrong to have those thoughts, but it is most certainly wrong to dwell on them. Cheating starts with the mind. 3
WonderKid Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You have to think. Let's say you get that new girl and **** her BUT she then get's bored or something and moves on to something else? You barely knew her. Now you may have gotten 2 or 3 ****s out of the girl but you lost a girl you can get many ****s from. What Shao Kahn says in Mortal Kombat: "Choose your destiny!"
ExpatInItaly Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Talk to your girlfriend about how you'd like to add some zest back into the relationship. Organize some new activities together, perhaps try out a couple new things in bed. But make sure she understands you love her, you'd just like to have some new adventures with her too. See if that helps to re-ignite things. Relationships go through ebbs and flows. You could just be experiencing the former right now and this other woman is representing excitement and intrique. If after trying this you still feel bored...you might want to reconsider whether this relationship has simply run its course. 1
casey.lives Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 you don't have kids, your not married.. move on 1
almond Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 What would you want your girlfriend to do if she felt like this about a man at her workplace? Think hard about the answer to this question...then do that. 1
h0000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Yeah, if your gf had a crush, would you want her to tell you? Would you want her to nib it? Would you want her to try to resist and wait it out? You should do the same. You may not end up being with that teacher, but that should not be the point. The point is do you still love your gf and eventually want to marry her. If you don't think so, you should probably end it sooner rather than later. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You do not love your gf. If you did, you would not entertain anything that would cause her pain. You are in like. I have seen many beautiful women who have shown me interest in the twenty one years I have been married, but I have never entertained the idea of doing anything other than being pleasant to them....my wife has never ceased to amaze and intoxicate me. If you are tempted and bored after a few years together, you aren't in the right relationship with the right person. I still rush home everyday to see my wife because she is still the warmest, sexiest, loveliest, smartest woman I know. Move on, Grumps 3
Yummm Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 It's not good that you're questioning your love for your current GF, have a real think what you are getting out of this R/S. If it's not enough, move on and let find someone who makes her #1. I didn't set eyes on another woman when I was with my ex. If I did I felt horribly guilty. 1
kendahke Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 If your girlfriend wrote what you wrote, what would you want us to tell her?
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You only recently started living with your GF This should be a honeymoon phase of sorts where you can't think about anyone but each other. The fact that your eye is already roving is a bad, bad sign. Get out of your present relationship now before any other parts of you rove. Until you are free from your present relationship avoid being alone with the other teacher. Don't cheat. Be a better guy then that. Also start looking for other living arrangements now & figure out how you are going to disentangle yourself from the lease.
Author teacherman Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 We were in the honeymoon phase for awhile. We live in downtown of a bigger city and we're always doing something together, and I really enjoy her company. I think this other teacher is just provoking hormonal feelings and physical attraction. If she was a bitch I wouldn't feel this way, but she's nice and pretty. I'm pretty sure it's just superficial. I did some thinking about it.
CarrieT Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Tell your girlfriend. Once you get it out in the open and can be discussed frankly (before it escalates!), it will diffuse the situation. It will also show your girlfriend that you trust her to be able to be honest about common urges and will dictate that she could/should also do the same when it happens to her - because it will. These things happen to EVERYBODY within the confines of a relationship. The sooner couples deal with it and are able to discuss them, they disappear - usually - shortly thereafter.
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