Had an ugly argument with my girlfriend and best friend. Why ?

[Zambuk]

Thank you all for the replies. I will see what I will do next. Its kinda hard to remove my girlfriend from my life. We've been together for one year, and at first we had some months of honeymoon. Her attitude changing started few months ago because she had too much stress with exams, studying, final year of college, starting the work, and drifted bit by bit from me.

 

I start to think that we are kinda too different. I want a more lovely-affection type of relationship .. Where I and my partner, can have time with friends, separately and together, time for ourselves and time for us as couple. I see that she wants a more of going out as couple but only with group of friends to have fun. A lot of times I told her that I want some "we time" and she answered that we have that time when we go out with group. For her, "we time" means us 2 plus other people. This is what makes me angry. Her lack of understanding that a relationship doesn't mean doing things only with friends along. Sometimes I just want to be alone with her and have a deep conversation or just have a walk, or cuddle. But what can I do in 30 minutes ? The time she gives me for "we". Our communication is so worse at the moment. She doesn't want to tell me things because she thinks I would start to get upset. I always have to find out last about things that happen in her life.

 

Why is so hard for her to understand me ? I didn't tell her to get me the Moon. I just want once a week, for example, to be in a evening only with her. To do things only with her. As a couple. Our couple time. To bond better. To get close better. I ask for too much ? Or I ask for something impossible ?

 

Sadly, I invested a lot of feelings and I love her. So I feel so bad thinking to leave her ...

Edited September 24, 2015 by Zambuk

[h0000]

Thank you all for the replies. I will see what I will do next. Its kinda hard to remove my girlfriend from my life. We've been together for one year, and at first we had some months of honeymoon. Her attitude changing started few months ago because she had too much stress with exams, studying, final year of college, starting the work, and drifted bit by bit from me.

 

I start to think that we are kinda too different. I want a more lovely-affection type of relationship .. Where I and my partner, can have time with friends, separately and together, time for ourselves and time for us as couple. I see that she wants a more of going out as couple but only with group of friends to have fun. A lot of times I told her that I want some "we time" and she answered that we have that time when we go out with group. For her, "we time" means us 2 plus other people. This is what makes me angry. Her lack of understanding that a relationship doesn't mean doing things only with friends along. Sometimes I just want to be alone with her and have a deep conversation or just have a walk, or cuddle. But what can I do in 30 minutes ? The time she gives me for "we". Our communication is so worse at the moment. She doesn't want to tell me things because she thinks I would start to get upset. I always have to find out last about things that happen in her life.

 

Why is so hard for her to understand me ? I didn't tell her to get me the Moon. I just want once a week, for example, to be in a evening only with her. To do things only with her. As a couple. Our couple time. To bond better. To get close better. I ask for too much ? Or I ask for something impossible ?

 

Sadly, I invested a lot of feelings and I love her. So I feel so bad thinking to leave her ...

Why is so hard for her to understand you ?Because she is not the right one for you. Sooner you let her go, sooner the right one will come. Rather than being sad and thinking about "all the time and effort I invested on her gone wasted", you should try harder on your career and finding a better gf. By then you will realise how wonder life is being a successful lawyer and having a caring loving gf. Not being depressed and keep wondering about why this relationship cant work out. (Hint: wrong gf )

[Zambuk]

You have some valid points. But you know, its that feeling of guilt, of sadness, of regrets that things must come to a finish. I mean, I really was thinking of future, like moving together, building a stronger relationship, building an "empire" with her. We had talks and she was eager of all of this. We had these talks when she was "normal", that caring and lovable girl I knew she was in our first months. After her distancing bit by bit, it was like a cat and mouse game. In a moment she was love, the next I "annoy" her with something and she hates me and throw me away. And now all of sudden, everything collapses in a harsh manner, leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth and soul. Its that feeling that you wont find someone better or that the world ends.

 

In my past, I had breakups, and now I am like "Not another one again. Why can't I just be happy?" Damn ..

[kendahke]

You have some valid points. But you know, its that feeling of guilt, of sadness, of regrets that things must come to a finish. I mean, I really was thinking of future, like moving together, building a stronger relationship, building an "empire" with her.

 

She would be there to spend your money--you'll never accumulate anything with someone stuck in party365 mode. You'll always be working and she would always be out spending your money.

 

We had talks and she was eager of all of this. We had these talks when she was "normal", that caring and lovable girl I knew she was in our first months. After her distancing bit by bit, it was like a cat and mouse game. In a moment she was love, the next I "annoy" her with something and she hates me and throw me away. And now all of sudden, everything collapses in a harsh manner, leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth and soul. Its that feeling that you wont find someone better or that the world ends.

 

In my past, I had breakups, and now I am like "Not another one again. Why can't I just be happy?" Damn ..

 

You can. You have to be with the right person.

 

Your girlfriend in the beginning? That was her representative. That is who we all send out to make a good first impression when meeting someone we think we like. The representative says the right thing, does the right thing, looks good, isn't sick or stressed out, does worry about bills and jobs. But after a while, once you two agree to be with one another, the "real you"--the person that you can't help being--has to come out. This is who they are. Any incompatibility issues are going to arise--just as you have seen--once this level of familiarity has been reached.

 

Her thing is to be verbally and emotionally abusive when she can't have her way. That may be cute when you're aimless and really don't have a plan for your life, but it's not a cute look when you've got responsibilities and assignments and your ability to eat depends upon you meeting your obligation.

 

Same goes for your boy.

 

I can understand that you're young and you're sad because you want what (who) you want, but sometimes you have to grow up and see that what you think you want is in fact very bad for you in the long run. She may have seemed like the marrying kind when it was her representative you were dealing with, but take a look at the real her because that IS her. It'll be who she is the older she gets. Let her take that to some other guy and be his problem. Staying with her means you will have to give up 50 lbs of flesh to get her out of your life. Avoid that pain and set her adrift now.