Zambuk Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I went out with gf, my best friend and a girl friend of my gf. We stayed at a cafe, for 3 hours or so. Then this girl friend said she is in the mood to drive. My friend and my gf agreed. I said that I can't go, because it is late and I have a lot of work to do for tomorrow. I work in a lawyer office. He gave me stuff to do for tomorrow and I really had to do it. I didn't want to spend till 2 AM, like I do every night just to work. All 3 vent on me and got mad on me. We left. On the way home, my friend accused me of being selfish, unreasonable, liar and bitchy because I HAVE WORK to do and just wanted to leave. They all thought I lie. I felt so miserable. Because I really had things to do. Didn't expect my best friend to have this reaction. Then, my gf sent me a text that she wants to stay outside more and she is fed up with my bull**** and that I **** myself and that she wants to live the life. She started to act so rude. I felt more miserable. I told her I am sorry for ruining her night and that I love her even if we fight .. Didn't got a text back yet. I feel lonely. Just cause I have important thing to do. I went out with all 3, not because I wanted to, but because my gf, "invited" her friend and asked me to do so with my friend. I just wanted to have a little time with her and thats it. She made another plan, and instead of asking me what is my preference, she just throw it in my mouth and closed it. If I am against, she gets mad.If I want to spend time with HER only,she gets mad. I am fed up having to accept EVERYTIME to go out in groups and not having "US" TIME to not annoy her. It is so frustrating to see that in past 3 months, I had like 8 or 9 days where we spend it just the 2 of us. In the rest of days we argued and didn't talk, or she made plans with her friends and left me with only 30 minutes-1 hour to see her, after her going out, after that she is too tired and wants to go home because she has work in the morning. I remain unsatisfied, unhappy and lonely. That's my worth ???? 30 minutes ???? You can't imagine how **** I can feel being so neglected. I tried to communicate with her. From diplomacy to swearing, she didn't changed. She just said that she will change, but it remained only words ... Actions are the same. I love her and I still want her to be part of my life. I want to stop begging to get hours with her. I want to stop feeling scared to ask her if she wants the 2 of us to hangout. Fear of refusal. I just want her to listen to me and understand me. I don't ask for much.
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 How important is this job you have? What are your professional goals? How old are you, may I ask? 1
Author Zambuk Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) The lawyer I work for, assigned me to prepare some documents and studies for the upcoming trail he has. To ease up his work. He told me if I could solve them by tomorrow afternoon would be ok. I have a responsibility. In the morning I need to go to the Court to see a case. My time was limited but I still accepted to go out for 3 hours !! I want to be a lawyer. In one year I have my Bar exam. I am 22. Edited September 23, 2015 by Zambuk
Jules Dash Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 The lawyer I work for, assigned me to prepare some documents and studies for the upcoming trail he has. To ease up his work. He told me if I could solve them by tomorrow afternoon would be ok. I have a responsibility. In the morning I need to go to the Court to see a case. My time was limited but I still accepted to go out for 3 hours !! I want to be a lawyer. In one year I got my Bar exam. I am 22. Then you keep doing what you are doing. The ladies will come and go during the pursuit of your dreams and your hardworking, responsible attitude will pay off tremendously in the end. You sound like your might be a little too passive in this relationship. You shouldn't have to beg for someone to spend time with you. Focus on your work and exams. 5
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 The lawyer I work for, assigned me to prepare some documents and studies for the upcoming trail he has. To ease up his work. He told me if I could solve them by tomorrow afternoon would be ok. I have a responsibility. In the morning I need to go to the Court to see a case. My time was limited but I still accepted to go out for 3 hours !! I want to be a lawyer. In one year I have my Bar exam. I am 22. My advice: dump the girl. She is robbing you of the focus you need to do this job. Demote your friend to acquaintance and find friends who are serious about their work and responsibilities. You're in a job that can be overwhelming, but those who can do--and they rise to the top. It takes focus to do that. Finishing the work the lawyer gave you before meeting up with her and your friends should have been your bottom line tonight. Here's the thing: your best friend, your girlfriend and her friend are not going to be paying your rent and bills when you get fired for botching your responsibility. Never, ever allow anyone to get between you and your money--and that includes hot little chickies that you don't think you can do without. Yes you can. In fact, right now, you need to. If they want to act funky because you have a duty to perform, then let them. It shows you exactly where they are in maturity. Grown folks have to do things they don't like to do all the time, but needs must. Don't ever feel bad because you understand your duty and someone else doesn't. They don't have to. You just don't give those kinds of people access to your person. 6
Fleur de cactus Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Sorry to hear what you are going through. I would feel frustrated and discouraged by your gf's attitude if I was you. I remember I used to take some work home me too to get ready for the next day otherwise I could not sleep as I would be thinking of some undone tasks. Friends or relatives would invited me, and I told them that I had some works to finish up. I did not appreciated anyone who could try to put some pressure on me when I did not have any choice. some people wait for 5 o'clock to exit the office and some don't depending of what they do. If a person loves you he/she should understand that work is important too and respect you staying late at work or bringing some work home. if she really loves you, I dont think she can encourage you to make mistakes, or neglect you job just to hang out. I know love is important in our life but if you always have to defend yourself, or if you are worried that she will get mad due to your work related reasons, this is not a good relationship. I don;t think you want to mess up with your profession, just do what you are supposed to do. If she loves you she should understand you. 3
Author Zambuk Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Thank you all for replies. Even now, I still feel down because I couldn't imagine that people I trust, people I love, could go over me like a bulldozer. And no understanding from no one. They even started to question what I have to do. Like I was in an interrogation room. I am not a soft person, emotional one, but I never felt so "bullied" in my entire life like now. I had fights with my girlfriend, but I have never seen such attitude in her like now. Raging towards me cause I "broke" their night. What the ? Seeing my friend raging so hard because I refused to stay more outside, left me speechless. In my country, we have a saying "when you are too good/soft, people take you for granted/stupid". I need to stop having problems, issues, responsibilities because people get mad on me and swear and send me to **** off ? Unimaginable.
craw Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 This gf should be supporting you and your goals. Understand your needs of just wanting to stay in on busy working days. You can then compromise and go with her friends and you. She should consider herself lucky. 1
Jules Dash Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Thank you all for replies. Even now, I still feel down because I couldn't imagine that people I trust, people I love, could go over me like a bulldozer. And no understanding from no one. They even started to question what I have to do. Like I was in an interrogation room. I am not a soft person, emotional one, but I never felt so "bullied" in my entire life like now. I had fights with my girlfriend, but I have never seen such attitude in her like now. Raging towards me cause I "broke" their night. What the ? Seeing my friend raging so hard because I refused to stay more outside, left me speechless. In my country, we have a saying "when you are too good/soft, people take you for granted/stupid". I need to stop having problems, issues, responsibilities because people get mad on me and swear and send me to **** off ? Unimaginable. Some people used to have a lot to say to me too whenever I chose my work over staying out late and partying. Now I get to party like they can only ever dream of and they are blown away when they step inside of my home. Stick with your work and studies. 2
Maggie4 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Why was your best friend so angry with you? That's the part I cannot understand.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Your girlfriend wants to party it up, and doesn't seem to respect the adult responsibilities that you're taking seriously. I suggest you stop pleading with her for her time, stop approaching her with fear and tension. Your time is also valuable, and you are worthy of respect. If she doesn't appreciate your good qualities, you don't need her. I suggest you let her go party it up and find a girlfriend more like yourself, someone who respects your values and work ethic, someone who appreciates you and makes time for you. 1
IronZ Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Why was your best friend so angry with you? That's the part I cannot understand. This is what I'm wondering too. Maybe he wanted to spend more time with your gf's friend? If so he needs to stop mooching off you and just be a man and ask her out himself. Anyway in all honesty I thought from reading your first post that your gf sounded very immature and rude to you. You don't treat someone you're in a relationship with like that especially for such a stupid reason. Something seems troubling about this. Like she's trying to push your buttons on purpose. Just move on is my advice. 1
StellaGrace Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You need new friends... and a new girlfriend. Stand up for yourself. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Why was your best friend so angry with you? That's the part I cannot understand. I didn't get that, either. Can you explain in further detail, OP?
Author Zambuk Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) Exactly this I am wondering too. I didn't ask him why he got so mad, but talking about this situation with another friend, he said that he maybe wanted to "hit" on the other girl, and I blew it off for him, wanting to leave. Its not like the world ends tomorrow and he wouldn't have time for this. Or they couldn't stay outside longer and let me do my job. That's immature, in my opinion. And for lying, I really don't know why. Maybe all the frustration people got, made them to throw unreasonable accusations towards me. But still, it is not normal to happen like this. Now I have to say I am sorry to them, because I "ruined" the night. My girlfriend didn't even ask me "How do I do" or what I have to do, all the evening. You know what she did instead ? She planned to go tonight to ride bicycles with her girl. Because her friend said she would like this. Do you know how I found out ??? Hearing their low voice conversation while at the cafe. Do you know how I felt ??? She didn't even care of asking me if I want too, or if I want to do something with her instead or such. I sat there and listened like I was nonexistent. My "best" friend accused me, after I told him this, that I am an idiot cause I got upset of her doing so. Like I was a third wheel, that's how I felt. A third wheel in my own relationship. You know how frustrating it can be, to have ideas or plan surprises, to plan sweet dates for your girl, and she not even care about me, my opinion, my saying, and push me to late hours, where I can't do almost nothing with her, while she goes out with her friends at reasonable hours ... While I have to be the one to shut up and swallow my plans, my ideas or opinions because I would make her mad and we would go in a fight, being accused of being selfish and unreasonable by everyone ??? She plays with my nerves being so ignorant, and sometimes I snap out in frustration and we get in a fight. I tried to communicate diplomatically and normal with her, so many times, that this attitude hurts me, but she does the same, like ignoring me and pushes my nerves to the limit. She acts all love love till the evening comes, where she plans things, then forget about me. After her plans work out, she reminds of having a boyfriend. If they were isolated cases, I wouldn't mind, but almost every night is like this. Even if we talk about a certain hour, she postpones me afterwards to late hours cause she needs to see her girl friends. And I need to shut up everytime and accept this !! I think I felt in love with the wrong person. Sorry for the long post, but please understand me, I packed up so much frustration and sadness in me, that is just killing my vibes, my concentration. Edited September 24, 2015 by Zambuk
h0000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Well no you didn't "have" to say sorry . You don't even "have" to be with her anymore . So , obviously you are not in the wrong and she is immature or maybe just doesn't even really love you, what are you going to do?
Author Zambuk Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 I really don't know what to do. Just like most of you said, I really don't want to **** up my responsibility and faith this man has in me, just because the people I care, mocked me and bulldozed me. What my excuse would be, that I didn't have time for his assignments because I had to what others want, not to upset them ? So if he gets mad on me and starts to treat me like ****, would my "friends" come to argue with him ... or even care ?? I always have to be good with others, girlfriend, friends etc, to accept their wishes, boundaries, to understand them .. But when it comes to me, I should just shut up.
kendahke Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) I always have to be good with others, girlfriend, friends etc, to accept their wishes, boundaries, to understand them .. But when it comes to me, I should just shut up. Continue to be good to others, but be especially good to yourself first. You must do what you need to do so that you have peace reigning in your heart, your mind and your home. If that means you get rid of the drag that your friends and their baggage bring, then get rid of that drag. True friends understand and support you. Fake friends are jealous and they envy what you're doing because they don't have the drive and smarts to do it themselves--and that is their problem, not yours. and your girlfriend needs to go. Edited September 24, 2015 by kendahke 1
h0000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I always have to be good with others, girlfriend, friends etc, to accept their wishes, boundaries, to understand them .. But when it comes to me, I should just shut up. Why aren't your friends and girlfriend supporting you? Thought that's what makes them "friends"? Why do you surround yourself with toxic people who simply don't care and drag you down in life? Why is it so hard for you to stand up and speak up for yourself? What do they do for living? 1
Author Zambuk Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) Well, I really don't know why they reacted like this. I am still wondering what is their problem. My girlfriend works at her fathers driving school. It is a stressful job, but with a good time managing , it can be done. Plus, she doesn't have "homeworks" that take her precious free time, so after work she can relax, or focus on herself, her problems, her friends. I am at very bottom on the list. My friend doesn't have a job or something close to it. He got some problems at college but thats kinda it. He has so much free time, I wish I had. I started this work almost one month ago. Till then I had a lot of free time and didn't know how to be responsible. Now, most of my day focus on doing studies, searching, writing, going in places and re-learning all the courses from the important subjects from law school .. like civil law. Because he made a plan to "listen" to what I learned at the end of the week, to prepare me for future. Its time consuming and sometimes I fall asleep on my keyboard because eyes hurt. No one believes me and all act like I do **** or nothing. I can't beg people to understand me .. Even if I know I have work to do, I ask them if they want to go out, for a laugh or so, or I accept to go, to keep my friendships alive, my relationship alive. Nobody asks me how much work I need to do or even care. I don't want to "cry", as my gf says I do, so I keep inside me and manage to do it by sacrificing my nerves, my sleep, my health. And I still am getting "bullied" when I express my opinion. Edited September 24, 2015 by Zambuk
kendahke Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 That's just it, Zambuk---you don't have to sacrifice anything but toxic people whose goals are not in alignment with yours. These people are not bringing you peace of mind. They are attempting to mess you up so that you can go bum around with them all day and night because that's all they got--they aspire to not much more at this time in their lives. So let them. You don't have to be a part of that. And I wouldn't tolerate anyone trying to bully me because I have a duty to my employer. I'd leave them where they stood and never deal with them again. Please believe me--there are better people out there than those you seem to have a problem with getting rid of. 2
Teraskas Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Your "girlfriend" is acting like a single woman while wanting all the benefits of a relationship without having to do all the effort whilst being in one. As others posters have stated, if you think it's bad now...just image what it will be in 5 / 10 or more years. Generally I've always been the dumpee as opposed to the dumper, but even I have to admit that this looks like a dead end situation. Clearly, this woman doesn't deserve you, nor have a clue how stressful and intensive law school actually is. Contrary to a driving school, it's a field where you have to prove yourself time and again. As for your friend's reaction...I honestly don't know. To me, it seems as if he's having too much fun in the party scene and cannot begin to fathom the amount of energy which a stressful job entails. Furthermore, you shouldn't be apologising. It is THEY who should have. 1
Jules Dash Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I really don't know what to do. Just like most of you said, I really don't want to **** up my responsibility and faith this man has in me, just because the people I care, mocked me and bulldozed me. What my excuse would be, that I didn't have time for his assignments because I had to what others want, not to upset them ? So if he gets mad on me and starts to treat me like ****, would my "friends" come to argue with him ... or even care ?? I always have to be good with others, girlfriend, friends etc, to accept their wishes, boundaries, to understand them .. But when it comes to me, I should just shut up. You should really become more aggressive in your life, especially if you plan on becoming a lawyer. Just getting a law degree and passing the Bar exam won't mean much without the attitude. There are many lawyers not practicing law. Put your work and studies first. Your law degree will be with you until you die. That girlfriend of yours won't be. 1
Diezel Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You can easily replace all of these people in your life. Keep the career over ANY person who tells you that you choosing your life goals over their short term goals is a reason to go "**** yourself". Those people aren't worth it. 1
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