savvy2008 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Let me first say that we have what I consider to be a good relationship, we both treat each other well. So this shocked me and I don't know if I'm being naïve to believe him. Yesterday he got off of work a couple hours before I did, so went to his mom's house to take a nap and wait for me to get off work and get ready so we could have dinner together. Well, on Facebook it said he was in a city I'd never even heard of. I had to Google it and found that it was an hour west of where his job, my place, and his mom's place are. His own place is half an hour east of mine. I asked him this morning if he ended up staying at his mom's and taking a nap, he said yes. I then asked him if he was in the area I saw the Facebook said he was in and he said no, I told you I was at my mom's. Am I stupid for giving him the benefit of the doubt? Would facebook glitch and post that he is 45 miles away from where he actually is? My best friend who I asked about this suggested maybe he is arranging a surprise but the fact is he would have had to pass a dozen decent sized malls and things to get to this town, not to mention we have no holidays coming up so it doesn't make sense. Am I blowing this out of proportion? What I take issue with is the possibility that he is blatantly lying. I have no interest in being with a sneaky, lying person and I want to find out if he is in fact a liar. I didn't question him until now. Does it sound like he was lying to me?
menyou Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Let me first say that we have what I consider to be a good relationship, we both treat each other well. So this shocked me and I don't know if I'm being naïve to believe him. Yesterday he got off of work a couple hours before I did, so went to his mom's house to take a nap and wait for me to get off work and get ready so we could have dinner together. Well, on Facebook it said he was in a city I'd never even heard of. I had to Google it and found that it was an hour west of where his job, my place, and his mom's place are. His own place is half an hour east of mine. I asked him this morning if he ended up staying at his mom's and taking a nap, he said yes. I then asked him if he was in the area I saw the Facebook said he was in and he said no, I told you I was at my mom's. Am I stupid for giving him the benefit of the doubt? Would facebook glitch and post that he is 45 miles away from where he actually is? My best friend who I asked about this suggested maybe he is arranging a surprise but the fact is he would have had to pass a dozen decent sized malls and things to get to this town, not to mention we have no holidays coming up so it doesn't make sense Am I blowing this out of proportion? What I take issue with is the possibility that he is blatantly lying. I have no interest in being with a sneaky, lying person and I want to find out if he is in fact a liar. I didn't question him until now. Does it sound like he was lying to me? I made a piston FB once that listed my location as Kuwait. I reside in the US. Don't believe the hype based solely on that.
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Maybe he was out ring shopping and he wanted to make sure no one saw him to keep it a secret.
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 BTW next time instead of passive aggressively quizzing what he was doing, just ask him straight out why he was GPS'd in another city of FB. trust me being straight with your partner goes a long way in keep proper communication with each other. Stop playing games.
empresario Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 He may be lying, he may not. In my experience phone GPS are pretty dang accurate these days, but anomalies do happen on occasion in blips. If he has his phone GPS on the it has been logging everywhere he's been. Would he let you see that log? Do you have any type of relationship with the mother where you could ask her? I know asking for proof can be risky. But unless you get it, I doubt you will ever be able to fully forget it. The trust issues are there and can either be resolved or not.
Author savvy2008 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I told him how I knew to ask him if he was there. I was pretty open with him even though it was an awkward thing to ask because he clearly told me where he was and what he was doing. Asking him further kind of told him I didn't necessarily believe him. He would probably see me asking him to show me his phone as a big relationship problem implying I don't trust him. I really am just confused as to how/why it would say he was there when he was somewhere an hour away. He saw that it bothered me and told me he felt like he had to defend himself even though he had nothing that needed defending. I don't want to jump to the worst conclusion but I also don't want to continue a relationship with a liar.
Author savvy2008 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I know his mother but I don't feel comfortable going to her house to ask her about it. Especially if she says he was there the whole time, she may never see me the same. I do think that from now on I will think of this in the back of my mind when he is off, I'll be wondering where he really is. I'm not the type to check up and he knows that. I wonder if that's my downfall in this situation.
empresario Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Well, eventually you're going to have to confront him about it. You don't seem like you're going to just drop the topic. Even if you try to ignore it, my guess is it will explode one day in a way you don't want. You have to communicate. We are not psychic. And even if I were a world class data engineer (oh wait, I am) and could help you, it still wouldn't solve the base problem of trusting him that's corrupting the foundation of your relationship. 1
Author savvy2008 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I would love to just tuck the information into the back of my mind and leave it there for now, and to start paying more attention to what he says and does. I just don't know if I'm capable of that. Confronting him again will be difficult. He already said he wasn't there so I don't know what else to say aside from "I can't shake the feeling that it wasn't just a facebook glitch".
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Am I stupid for giving him the benefit of the doubt? No. You have no solid proof of anything. I'd pay attention to the odometer in his car. If his mileage is excessive for his normal life and commutes, then that's something to be alarmed about. Would facebook glitch and post that he is 45 miles away from where he actually is? Perhaps. It's as reliable as the infrastructure. My location glitches from time to time, but I must say that it's never been a 45 mile difference--more like 10 miles. Next time it says he's in that location, call him and see if he's at his mom's sleeping.
Author savvy2008 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 The problem is I don't pay attention. I would never notice the odometer or gas or anything like that, as well as his location. I saw it by chance and looking back didn't see it any other time. I know my friend's will sometimes glitch saying she is one city (10 minutes) further north than she is. But this was an hour away.
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) I know his mother but I don't feel comfortable going to her house to ask her about it. Especially if she says he was there the whole time, she may never see me the same. That's because you don't go in and interrogate her about it. You let it go and allow the process of discovery to work out the situation so that one day, you will be all sweetness and light, talking to her about him crashing at home--and her initial reaction and response will tell you if he was there or not. Don't force this conversation--the time will present itself. She will blush and smile thinking of him and remembering him as a small boy if he was there. She will be perplexed if he wasn't. I do think that from now on I will think of this in the back of my mind when he is off, I'll be wondering where he really is. I'm not the type to check up and he knows that. I wonder if that's my downfall in this situation.That is a choice, for sure. Right now, you either have to trust him and adopt the motto video ex taceo (I see but say nothing) or you go in blazing and do a lot of preventable emotional damage. Edited September 23, 2015 by kendahke
Author savvy2008 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I think for now I am going to go the route of seeing all but saying nothing. I feel bad in a way for doing it like that because I think that through it I won't trust him more, but less, from constantly "watching" him. However I can't just drop it, at least not in the near future, and I don't want to explode on him and just end the relationship.
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Trust your gut. Trust your judgement. Trust yourself.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I'm in the UK. Nevertheless, my FB page has listed me as being in a completely different county to the one I'm actually in. Twice. Honestly? For goodness' sake.... 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 What does he do in his job????? Does he need to travel for it?
craw Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Did he check in somewhere or was it on his messages? Either way both can be glitchly.
aussietigerwolf Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 My location on fb is regularly completely screwed lol. Different countries, states, you name it. So if someone based my truthfulness off that then I'd be so screwed 1
Author savvy2008 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 He's a grocery manager, no travelling. They get transfers to different stores but that is a permanent thing, he wouldn't be going to a different location on short notice. I really have no reason to believe he did anything bad, but because this came up I'm questioning everything.
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I agree with the other posters, the FB GPS has it's glitches. I would let this one go.
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