RedRobin Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I'd drop him like a hot rock. Or not so hot rock. I don't multidate and don't tolerate multidaters. If you want to keep this thing going... go find some other guy to date and sleep with also *shrug* My guess is that he told you to see if he could get 'permission' to sleep with both of you without commitment. Don't even think about chasing after him... Sheesh. Don't you have any more self respect than that? I've never chased after a guy. Never. If he wants to sleep with someone else, it's 'don't let the screen door hit you on the *ss on your way out" 1
angelcake Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 So you boned him and then he had sex with somebody the next day then you asked him out and he turned you down then you asked him out and he turned you down once again, this time claiming he'd broken his arm. Then you asked him to get a coffee with you and he didn't reply. It's not looking promising is it? I'm not sure why other members are encouraging you to continue to pursue this lost cause. I completely agree! OP, come to your senses. I am sorry to say, but it's glaringly obvious HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! Let him go, don't ask him out again, don't correspond. He used you and dropped you. Walk away before you get invested any deeper. 2
Krieger Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I'd drop him like a hot rock. Or not so hot rock. I don't multidate and don't tolerate multidaters. If you want to keep this thing going... go find some other guy to date and sleep with also *shrug* My guess is that he told you to see if he could get 'permission' to sleep with both of you without commitment. Don't even think about chasing after him... Sheesh. Don't you have any more self respect than that? I've never chased after a guy. Never. If he wants to sleep with someone else, it's 'don't let the screen door hit you on the *ss on your way out" I wounder if you woman would feel the same way if the OP was a man and a girl told a guy after the 2nd date she sleeping with someone and it is not him? 1
xcupid Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I'd drop him like a hot rock. Or not so hot rock. I don't multidate and don't tolerate multidaters. If you want to keep this thing going... go find some other guy to date and sleep with also *shrug* My guess is that he told you to see if he could get 'permission' to sleep with both of you without commitment. Don't even think about chasing after him... Sheesh. Don't you have any more self respect than that? I've never chased after a guy. Never. If he wants to sleep with someone else, it's 'don't let the screen door hit you on the *ss on your way out" Agree. He's a loser or a player or both. This is the best guy you can find to be in a relationship with?!? 1
blackcat777 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I'm sorry to say this, but it may save you hurt in the long run, if it's the case... It sounds like a classic case of he's just not that into you. A guy who doesn't pursue isn't motivated enough to make you his #1. No woman should ever settle for any less. Throwing yourself at him will only cause you pain and chip away at your self-esteem. Each time he ignores you, doesn't call back, flakes out, it's rejection. You lower your value by pursuing someone that rejects you. I understand the pain of it all, and I'm sorry. I was seriously led on by some guys back in the day and I wish someone had explained how I hurt myself by chasing sooner. Judge a man by his actions... not by his words. If he is taking no action to be with you, you deserve better. Cut ties and move on. 1
StellaGrace Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 He's not interested. Men who are interested pursue. If I were you, I'd let it go. You've done everything you can. 1
h0000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 So this is a story about how a guy lost interest after 2 dates and you want him back? Even though he quite possibly is interested in someone else? well ask him out and good luck.
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 One thing I'm missing from every one of your posts... You keep implying you are perfect for him and you want to show it. Why, if I may ask, is HE perfect for YOU? What did he do to earn that honor? Because so far this relationship seems one-sided. This is a really good point, I think it is because we have so much in common and I find what he does as a career so exciting and relateable to my own interests and hobbies. He comes from a good background, smart, well spoken and nice looking to boot. I know he has it in him to be a great guy and a good boyfriend and only meeting him twice I can't comment on our connection too much, but I know that I want to know more.
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 This guy figured you probably where doing the same and sleeping with another guy if he does not work out. Woman do that all the time it there nature to do so . When I go on dates I all ready know she has another guy lined up if the date does not go well. Um, this is not true at all. I hadn't dated a guy before that for 5 months and I probably only go on a few dates a year. Don't put every girl in a box.
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 So you boned him and then he had sex with somebody the next day then you asked him out and he turned you down then you asked him out and he turned you down once again, this time claiming he'd broken his arm. Then you asked him to get a coffee with you and he didn't reply. It's not looking promising is it? I'm not sure why other members are encouraging you to continue to pursue this lost cause. You're probably right to be fair. It's a likely lost cause and one that is thoroughly unfair! 2
PaperCrane Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 The whole exclusivity thing always blows my mind, personally. If you're seeing one or many people at one time, I'd find it utterly disrespectful to have sex with someone while trying to feel out a relationship potential with another. Sex clouds your judgement with all those hormones and other strings that come into play and doesn't give that fair play to everyone involved. Unless of course that action means you're going to cut the others loose and not string them along. /ramble However, he was honest with you. He had the thought to let you decide. This is the type of person he is and he's showing that to you. It's your call if you feel this kind of behavior is okay or not. If it is, continue the chase. If not, pack up and go home. I had a girl do this to me once. I'd spent a month of two nights a week on dates. We had been physical, and she understood that I don't do that unless my emotions are involved. I was still feeling out of I wanted a serious relationship or not but I was putting in the time and effort to see. She felt that because we hadn't had an exclusive talk that she was free to go have unprotected sex with someone else and not tell me about it until I had a gut feeling and asked. Right at that moment I knew that she lacked the respect needed to create a relationship. Again, at least the guy told you so you can decide. 3
Karimikui Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Agree. He's a loser or a player or both. This is the best guy you can find to be in a relationship with?!? Right. What qualities does this guy even have? Inability to keep the D in his pants? 2
Karimikui Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Were you having unprotected sex with her too? The whole exclusivity thing always blows my mind, personally. If you're seeing one or many people at one time, I'd find it utterly disrespectful to have sex with someone while trying to feel out a relationship potential with another. Sex clouds your judgement with all those hormones and other strings that come into play and doesn't give that fair play to everyone involved. Unless of course that action means you're going to cut the others loose and not string them along. /ramble However, he was honest with you. He had the thought to let you decide. This is the type of person he is and he's showing that to you. It's your call if you feel this kind of behavior is okay or not. If it is, continue the chase. If not, pack up and go home. I had a girl do this to me once. I'd spent a month of two nights a week on dates. We had been physical, and she understood that I don't do that unless my emotions are involved. I was still feeling out of I wanted a serious relationship or not but I was putting in the time and effort to see. She felt that because we hadn't had an exclusive talk that she was free to go have unprotected sex with someone else and not tell me about it until I had a gut feeling and asked. Right at that moment I knew that she lacked the respect needed to create a relationship. Again, at least the guy told you so you can decide.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I don't understand why LS is so conservative in regards to "multi-dating" (definitely a stupid term, but I wouldn't know what else to call it either). Fact is, your date is probably doing it as well. Going on dates with different people. Did you expect them to drop everything, focus on you - someone they do not know - and see if that pans out, which it probably won't, before they move on to the next one? The smarter plan in to meet up with several different people. See what qualities you like; see how person A is different than person C. When one of these dates seems like it's going somewhere, you stop making new first dates with brand new people. If multiple people are going well, then yes, you will have to make a choice who you want to have a r/s with. So will your date - who again, is doing the same thing you are. If you cannot beat em, join em. Dating nowadays is a bunch of people not really giving a f*ck about each other - sad, yes, but true - and if you want to be successful at it, you cannot put too much hope into any one person early on. Because they will probably hurt you. 1
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Agree. He's a loser or a player or both. This is the best guy you can find to be in a relationship with?!? In my area at nearly 30 with stocks dwindling, yes sadly!
katiegrl Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 This is a really good point, I think it is because we have so much in common and I find what he does as a career so exciting and relateable to my own interests and hobbies. He comes from a good background, smart, well spoken and nice looking to boot. I know he has it in him to be a great guy and a good boyfriend and only meeting him twice I can't comment on our connection too much, but I know that I want to know more. This is called "falling in love with a man's potential," and unless you are psychic you have NO idea how great he is ... OR if he would make a great boyfriend. And I disagree that because you have so much in common, his career is exciting and relatable to yours, blah blah, that makes him "perfect" for you. Notwithstanding that no one is "perfect" for anyone.... the one thing you left out of that scenario was whether or not he is INTO you. It sure does NOT appear that he is... so therefore, no he is not "perfect" for you. IMO you should move on.... this ship has sailed! Sorry. 1
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 I'm sorry to say this, but it may save you hurt in the long run, if it's the case... It sounds like a classic case of he's just not that into you. A guy who doesn't pursue isn't motivated enough to make you his #1. No woman should ever settle for any less. Throwing yourself at him will only cause you pain and chip away at your self-esteem. Each time he ignores you, doesn't call back, flakes out, it's rejection. You lower your value by pursuing someone that rejects you. I understand the pain of it all, and I'm sorry. I was seriously led on by some guys back in the day and I wish someone had explained how I hurt myself by chasing sooner. Judge a man by his actions... not by his words. If he is taking no action to be with you, you deserve better. Cut ties and move on. Great advice, thank you. I think its obvious from the amount of feedback i've had on here, that i've been a fool. At the time I had been given some bad advice to pursue and pursue to get what I want, like some sort of sales tactic. It's such a shame that I couldn't be the right girl for him. After endless rejection this is just the cheery on the cake!
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 This is called "falling in love with a man's potential," and unless you are psychic you have NO idea how great he is ... OR if he would make a great boyfriend. And I disagree that because you have so much in common, his career is exciting and relatable to yours, blah blah, that makes him "perfect" for you. Notwithstanding that no one is "perfect" for anyone.... the one thing you left out of that scenario was whether or not he is INTO you. It sure does NOT appear that he is... so therefore, no he is not "perfect" for you. IMO you should move on.... this ship has sailed! Sorry. Quite right, I absolutely did fall in love with his potential. It just feels so horrible to be rejected like that, tossed to the side like you don't matter because someone 'better' came along. Despite the fact you know you are the cooler girl, the outdoors fun girl. All the while I barely had the chance to shine myself! (Though of course this girl certainly did in 2 days). My heart screaming wait! I'm not done yet, this isn't fair, it wasn't meant to end this soon. In that moment all self-respect gets buried and your eye is on the prize...
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 I just realised I had some serious red flags on this guy, isn't it funny what you remember once the rose tinted glasses come off? Anyway, this is more for my purpose to get it written down but if it helps someone else in the same situation awesome! My red flags on douche guy: We met on Tinder. Late on first date and then tried it on with me later in the evening. Postponed second date. Late on second date, tried it on again. That evening we planned to meet up, his friend had a crisis and he didn't know what time he'd be home. He sorted it out and I still came over even though it was late. He slept with another girl the next day and phoned me to tell me 2 days later. WHAT WAS I THINKING!?
GunslingerRoland Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 So remember boys and girls... don't give more honesty than necessary when dating. Sounds like this guy did nothing wrong, and is done for over it.
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 So remember boys and girls... don't give more honesty than necessary when dating. Sounds like this guy did nothing wrong, and is done for over it. He did nothing wrong!? I take it your one of these *********s in the dating world that treats girls like crap and thinks it is okay. Do one.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 So remember boys and girls... don't give more honesty than necessary when dating. Sounds like this guy did nothing wrong, and is done for over it. Not quite. Apparently, once he'd gotten what he wanted from the OP, he made sure to let her know he'd banged someone else and then ignored her attempts to set up another date. So. You know. There's that. He's just your average class-A douche bag opportunist. 2
guest569 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 He wasn't really up front about his intentions before having sex with OP. I dont see why he deserves praise for being "honest". I am sick of seeing this attitude all over these forums that "he owes you nothing until you have a discussion about exclusivity" I agree with another poster that says this rule is for children. And you certainly cant discuss his on a 2nd date unless things are moving very quickly. But at least he could have said "I'm screwing other people, not looking for a committed relationship". Why is the onus all on the person that assumes the best of people? Why should we all have this attitude that everyone is lacking in morals and goes around screwing everyone unless stated otherwise during a formal discussion? I think these are sad times for dating. You dont always know what you're in for with dating and getting hurt is unavoidable in my opinion, but you have to put yourself out there. So dont dwell on it too much OP, forget about this guy, you deserve better. 1
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 He wasn't really up front about his intentions before having sex with OP. I dont see why he deserves praise for being "honest". I am sick of seeing this attitude all over these forums that "he owes you nothing until you have a discussion about exclusivity" I agree with another poster that says this rule is for children. And you certainly cant discuss his on a 2nd date unless things are moving very quickly. But at least he could have said "I'm screwing other people, not looking for a committed relationship". Why is the onus all on the person that assumes the best of people? Why should we all have this attitude that everyone is lacking in morals and goes around screwing everyone unless stated otherwise during a formal discussion? I think these are sad times for dating. You dont always know what you're in for with dating and getting hurt is unavoidable in my opinion, but you have to put yourself out there. So dont dwell on it too much OP, forget about this guy, you deserve better. Very well said! My sentiments exactly. Best reply on here!
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