unbeknown Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Hey all just looking for some general advice really. Basically was messaging a girl last year and she flaked on more than one occasion so I told her straight it's not working so goodbye (along those lines). Then on a night out recently having not spoke for over a year I bumped in to her for the first time. I kept it very brief and showed no interest in her. She didn't have my number but managed to find me on facebook and sent me a message saying it was nice to finally meet, apologised about the past and asked if I'd like to hand out again. I gave her 1 more chance (stupid of me I know) and we hung out, went well, kissed etc. Now she's flaked twice on a second date with non legit excuses in my opinion (telling me she's too tired a few hours before etc) but continues to text me really boring pointless things. Asking me what I had for dinner for example. I don't want to pointlessly text someone meaningless rubbish. My problem in the past is I would text too much so now I only use text to set up a date. How do I tell this girl in the nicest way, look, either date me or don't, don't mess me around or continue to text all day. I don't want a pen pal. Do I just not respond? Any tips? Cheers all
Diezel Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Stop responding to her. Silence speaks volumes. 1
empresario Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 At least you're not falling into the assumption that there's something wrong with you. But, you need to know that there may be something wrong with her. What? I don't know. Prior abuse? Issues she's working through? Insecurity? It could be anything. She seems interested in you...and I've spoken to a few women in the past that refuse to hang out because of something unrelated to me. One time I was talking to a girl that flaked on me multiple times. Eventually I asked her, "what are you going through, or why are you so nervous about all of this". She opened up and explained she was on the recovery from a chronic eating disorder and decided she jumped the gun a bit getting into the dating scene...but still wanted to talk to me and get comfortable enough to give it a shot. I made the decision for myself not to pursue that, as that was the type of baggage I'm unequipped to handle emotionally. But at least there was a reason. Have you straight up asked?
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 perhaps the time has come for you to talk to her about her flakiness and tell her that if this is the way she's going to operate that you'd prefer to not deal with her. And quit dealing with her.
LilaMarie Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I know people are against ghosting but you've only gone on one date and she's just playing games with you, just poof, disappear bc you might be too weak to say no to her when she changes her mind again and keeps playing those games. Or maybe if you give her ultimatum she will change...she will respect you.
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 She's a flake. If she shows up & practically plops herself in your lap, by all means have fun with her but do not pursue. She's not worth it.
cessna Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Be blunt with her. Girls like this need to be called out. I wouldn't tolerate that sort of behaviour and to be honest I'd be put off by it in the first place. She sounds like your typical time waster who enjoys the attention of blokes.
SawtoothMars Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I tell this girl in the nicest way, look, either date me or don't, don't mess me around or continue to text all day. I don't want a pen pal. I would say this almost verbatim. You have nothing to lose so you can be a bit of a bastard.
Author unbeknown Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Cheers all. Looks like I'm going to have to be upfront and honest with this one. I'm mature enough not to do a fade out so can't ignore. I did just message back saying "No probs, hit me up when you're less busy". Put th eball in her court and she replies saying "thanks for being so understanding, what are you up to this weekend then" 1. I thought she was too tired to hang this eve and yet she can message me. 2. Does she not get the point I don't want to talk if we're not going to meet. Just going to tell her straight now. Wish me luck 1
Maggie4 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 hey good luck. Even if she "changes", enough bad feelings have happened that she will never win you over anyway. So you guys should just be upfront and say goodbye.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 This is pathetic. The girl doesn't want to meet up with you. You should be way too busy and have too many options to deal with a game-playing flake. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Eesh.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 "thanks for being so understanding, what are you up to this weekend then" Reply an hour later, something along this line: "There's one way to find out, but you have to be free on Saturday at 9." Will it work? I have no idea, but that's what I would say, Hopefully it peaks her interest, and you can get a date that way. Flirt a bit more, be a bit less serious, Be the fun guy she wants, not a big ball of weariness. Antagonize that itch she wants scratched, playfully tease her a bit. Don't be so serious, it's a game, and you have to use your wit. 1
Author unbeknown Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Reply an hour later, something along this line: "There's one way to find out, but you have to be free on Saturday at 9." Will it work? I have no idea, but that's what I would say, Hopefully it peaks her interest, and you can get a date that way. Flirt a bit more, be a bit less serious, Be the fun guy she wants, not a big ball of weariness. Antagonize that itch she wants scratched, playfully tease her a bit. Don't be so serious, it's a game, and you have to use your wit. That's playing right in to her hands though. I'm not in to playing games. I date girls who want to date me for me being myself. Simple as
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 That's playing right in to her hands though. I'm not in to playing games. I date girls who want to date me for me being myself. Simple as If your mind is made up, why seek advice for the other choice? I'm simply giving you an option, to speak from another voice, If you feel she's playing games with you, and isn't worthy of your time, Then by all means, soldier on, and don't waste any more of your dime!
LilaMarie Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Do I just not respond? Any tips? My advice was to not respond. I'm mature enough not to do a fade out so can't ignore. Okayyyyy.
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Cheers all. Looks like I'm going to have to be upfront and honest with this one. I'm mature enough not to do a fade out so can't ignore. I did just message back saying "No probs, hit me up when you're less busy". Put th eball in her court and she replies saying "thanks for being so understanding, what are you up to this weekend then" 1. I thought she was too tired to hang this eve and yet she can message me. 2. Does she not get the point I don't want to talk if we're not going to meet. Just going to tell her straight now. Wish me luck I'd just put her on block. That way, she's going to have to break a sweat to get in touch with you. She's under the impression that she is entitled to know what is going on in your life--but if you keep telling her and keep communicating with her, she's going to keep doing this. Takes no effort on her part, really.
Buddhist Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 look, either date me or don't, don't mess me around or continue to text all day. I don't want a pen pal. You cut and paste this sentence into your phone and send it. Nothing wrong with being straight up and calling her out.
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