Jaganath Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Well I’m on day 7 of No Contact after my girlfriend of 7 years dumped me for the second time in a year. I made a huge mistake and she can’t face standing by me through prison. She was my first love when we were kids and we reconnected 7 years ago after I left a long term relationship and she then left her husband and children to be with me, telling me she’d never stopped loving me and wished it was me she’d married. During the first years together things were very difficult as her ex husband made (and still does make) it very hard for her to see her children, and I was missing my family and ex partner a lot and there was a chance I’d go back home, which was very tough on her. Last year things were hard between us and we drifted apart for several months, but were still going out (at least I thought we were), only to find out that she’d quietly given up on us, slept with two other men (one whilst I was critically ill in hospital), and then had begun dating a 3rd guy without saying a word and refused to see me! If this wasn’t bad enough, I’d managed to get myself in serious trouble with the police, doing something to try and help her (something she told me explicitly not to do), but the stress of this situation and the impact it would have on us and our families was huge. She’d decided on her own to give up on us, despite agreeing that were are meant for each other, we’re soul mates and I’m the only guy she’s ever truly loved. After several months of absolute torture and feeling suicidal I’d had enough. I made all the begging/pleading mistakes and finally left town for a week between Boxing Day and New Years (I’d found where this guy she was seeing lived, and found her in bed with him on Boxing day – after she’d promised not to sleep at his house if I’d not date anyone so she could have time to think about our relationship…sucker I know…) On New years eve she contacted me saying we had to talk, so I rushed back to town, where she confessed to sleeping with these other men but said she loved me and wanted to try again and had just dumped this other guy. I said I could forgive her and that I loved her completely and agreed to with her again – I was in agony hearing what she’d done but she was mine again… The next morning she text me and told me she couldn’t be with anyone right now and wanted to just be there for her kids!!! (she only sees them once a week if she’s lucky)- I went straight into a furious/heartbroken no contact phase. After a couple of months we began talking again and she got back with me, saying she’d decided she wanted to be with me for good and we began planning our wedding (something she dreamed of since we were kids). The only downside was the looming police issue (they’d kept me on bail for 2 years at this point with no idea how bad the punishment might be). I noticed she wasn’t as close to me as she used to be, wouldn’t let me stay over as much, kept me at arm’s length more but all the time assuring me that she loved me completely. We had a short holiday in Barcelona and it was magical and I was on top of the world. So, we come to now – I’ve finally been to court once and it’s looking like I could get 3 years maximum (would serve 18 months) – I’ll find out in December. It could be suspended or a might lighter sentence too, just don't know yet. The court appearance was reported in the newspaper which her ex husband saw and went mental, accusing her of being an awful mother for letting her children near a criminal etc. (Her kids adore me and actually prefer me to their dad who's an angry bitter *********). The pressure of possibly being apart from me for 18 months and the crap she’s getting from her ex was enough for her to leave me again last week – I was devastated. My solicitor even wanted her to give evidence in my favour but she couldn’t face it, even though without it I might spend longer inside. This is the toughest time of my life and I need her more than I ever have, but she’s not being strong enough to stick it out with me, despite constantly telling me how much she loves me. The wedding plans are ruined, I have an engagement ring costing £800 which I can’t return. I’ve been forced to sell the house I had with my kids mother because I'm out of work now and can't afford the mortgage. Some of the money was going towards an incredible wedding/honeymoon... I miss her so much I’m suicidal again, so close to just ending it it’s not funny – all this on top of the prospect of prison, I can’t take it any more. I’m a good man, an excellent father and I've I hurt no one, just did something really stupid trying to help her and now I’ve lost her again. She said she can't see a future with me after this, even though thousands of couples go through crap like this all the time and stay together. I feel like without her to support me and be there when this is over I have no reason to even bother going through this nightmare – she was my whole world and now she’s taken everything from me – my happiness, my future, my hopes and dreams. I know how hard this is on her, but I can’t help feeling that if she truly loved me she’d stand by me even through this – isn’t that what true love is all about?? I'd walk through fire to be with her. So after a week of her refusing to see me but wanting to call and text every day to chat, I’d had enough – I stopped responding to her texts and she sent me one saying "Guess you don’t want to talk to me right now, I’ll wait for you to contact me. I love you xx" – I didn’t reply. Then last Saturday she text saying "Despite what you think of me I think about you all the time x. Just wanted you to know." – Again I didn’t reply. I've not heard from her since - this is the longest we've gone without talking in 7 years and it's killing me. Does anyone think I have a chance of getting her back?? The situation I’m going through right now is temporary - it will all be behind me in a couple of years tops, but what she’s doing to our love is permanent – We’d have decades of happy times together afterwards if only she’d stick with me :0( I'm praying the no contact makes her realise what she’s losing – I love her so much.
Chi townD Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Okay, I'm going to be blunt with you. You can't expect a girl to stay with you while you go to prison!!! I mean, that's a lot to ask of someone to suffer for your mistakes. Especially if you're only dating her. You need to let her go. Work on YOU! STAY OUT OF TROUBLE!!! You have a chance to turn your life around. Focus on the only thing you have control over and that's YOU. Start making positive changes in your life. Create a better you!
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Does anyone think I have a chance of getting her back?? I'm praying the no contact makes her realise what she’s losing – I love her so much. I honestly don't think this was a healthy relationship. You had already broken up once this year. You were previously apart for 7 years. You drifted apart for months. You also don't listen to her. What got you into your legal trouble you said was because you were doing something she expressly asked you not to do. Finally NC is not an absence makes the heart grow fonder sort of thing. It's a healing tool designed to help you get over her.
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