She likes me as a friend

[greenday41]

Been some time since I made a thread here. Anyways, to my story:

 

Last year, around October, I sent a cute mutual friend of mine, a friend request on Facebook. Let's call her X. Her male friend who was beside me at that time, told her that I would send her a friend request. She seemed quite friendly on chat, and eventually, in a day or so, we literally chatted till 3 or 4 in the night, exchanging drawings of random stuff that we challenged each other to draw, etc. A week later, she asked for my number, and a couple of days later, I realized that I had a crush on her. Later, I came to know that she already had a boyfriend, and felt quite low for a day or so. Eventually, I cut contact for several weeks and moved on, until this month. I was supposed to hangout with her in December last year, but I decided it was better not to meet her, so as to move on completely.

 

In these 10/11 months, I had a crush or two, though it ended in the girl(s) liking me only as a friend, because of my own fault; not making a move on her/them. In this period, I used to chat with X, say, like thrice or four times per month. Anyway, I put up a decent enough of picture of myself as my profile picture(I rarely put up my pictures), and she complimented me, saying she loved my lips. I just thanked her for that and complimented her in return, and we had a short convo. I told her that I would like to hangout with her sometime, since we never had a chance to meet in real life.

 

She agreed, and didn't mention bringing any friends along. So, we met on 12th of this month, for a beer or two, and I groomed myself quite a lot, trying to look my best, since this was the first time I was to meet her. And, she did the same; she wore a stunning dress and applied quite some makeup. I've been only in two relationships, so I don't know if I perceived it right, but the 'hangout' felt like a date due to the following reasons:

 

1) She casually touched my arm thrice, leaned towards me, played with her hair quite a lot, complimented me(called me cute, handsome and hot) several times, and said, "that's so sweet" for nearly every thing I told her, went to the restroom thrice to reapply her makeup, laughed and giggled at almost everything I told her, her pupils dilated whenever I looked at her, she stared at me and almost smiled all the while, stuttered in between talking in a nervous tone, and at one moment, said, "Omg wow why am I blushing so much?!" loudly. Also, she made it clear that she was single, and didn't talk at all about any exes, and when her best friend called her, she just cut the call and put the phone back in her purse, etc.

 

2) Instead of not making a move unlike the last time, I flirted back by being somewhat sarcastic, complimenting her, returning the arm touches, and touched her on the back, our legs touched(and she didn't move her leg away when it happened); later she placed her legs diagonally on my lower legs, etc. I felt very comfortable around her, and I was my most confident self(I'm usually a nervous wreck around girls). We clicked well, and it seemed that I had a good connection with her.

 

After the 'hangout', I walked her back to her place, after which she initiated the hug and held the hug for quite some while(yeah, in my country we don't have sex or go straight for the kiss in the first hangout/date).

 

I asked for another hangout, and she agreed to it. Later, I invited her to my place to teach her guitar and drawing, and we talked about hanging out at different places at a later time, as she was free for a couple of months.

 

Fast forward to 4/5 days later of good chatting through text, she told me on Whatsapp, that if she achieved good grades(I told her I would help her with her studies), she would take me out to a 'dinner date'. I told her that was great of her and agreed to it. Later on, I asked her playfully, if the 'dinner date' was her way of asking me out. She said yes and said, "Will you go out on a dinner date with me?". I said yes and she gave me a healthy reaction. I joked that she asked me out before I could(I originally planned to officially ask her out after the second hangout), and she told me she was relationship phobic, because of the terrible heartbreaks in the past. I assured her that it was quite alright and I wouldn't rush things. Then, she said if I planned to seriously ask her out(as boyfriend-girlfriend). I told her that asking her out to a date officially was a way to get to know her even more, and a relationship was a much later thing. Being a ****ing idiot, I told her that I had romantic feelings for her. She suddenly told me that she misunderstood stuff and that she only liked me as a friend. To clarify, I asked her if she liked me romantically and saw me as someone she would date. Her answer was, "Dudeeee we've only hungout once. I don't like you romantically; NOT AS OF NOW"

 

I felt quite shocked hearing this, cursing myself and felt as if I came crashing down. Nevertheless, I didn't let in show on text and she asked whether I would cut all ties with her and not teach her guitar and other stuff. I told her that wasn't the case, but that I needed some days to get over her and thus would cut contact with her for a short while. She agreed to that, and thus I cut contact for a week, until a day or two before, until I just had a small casual chat with her.

 

My questions are; should I move on? Or should I try to get out of the friendzone gradually? If so, how? Did I misconstrue her flirtation as her liking me romantically? Did I blow my chances forever by confessing my feelings for her?

 

Sure, I can go and hangout with other girls(which I am doing currently), and I'm not like, "she's the only one for me", etc, but I feel a weird and strong attraction to her that I haven't felt for any other girl, even the girls I've been in a relationship with.

Edited September 23, 2015 by greenday41

[PegNosePete]

should I move on? Or should I try to get out of the friendzone gradually?

Yes, you should move on. Her "not as of now" was just a way of letting you down gently. She is not interested in a relationship with you and more than likely, never will be. If you can't handle being friends and never more then you need more time apart.

[ChicagoSparty]

Hmmmmmm. This one is interesting.

 

I don't know that I would write this one off yet. It seems like she's playing games a little. You divulged too much, she reacted by pushing away. But I would be willing to bet there is interest there.

 

If I were you, I would distance myself a bit. Don't completely ignore her, but don't initiate much (if any) contact. You guys are FB friends, and I bet she's kinda keeping an eye on you via. Use FB to your advantage here. Hey...I think social media sucks, but it does have its usefulness as a tool to maintain very loose contact with somebody. You just have to know how to use it.

 

Hang out with other chicks, but keep a feeler on this girl. She's not gone yet.

[greenday41]

Yes, you should move on. Her "not as of now" was just a way of letting you down gently. She is not interested in a relationship with you and more than likely, never will be. If you can't handle being friends and never more then you need more time apart.

 

Hmmmmmm. This one is interesting.

 

I don't know that I would write this one off yet. It seems like she's playing games a little. You divulged too much, she reacted by pushing away. But I would be willing to bet there is interest there.

 

If I were you, I would distance myself a bit. Don't completely ignore her, but don't initiate much (if any) contact. You guys are FB friends, and I bet she's kinda keeping an eye on you via. Use FB to your advantage here. Hey...I think social media sucks, but it does have its usefulness as a tool to maintain very loose contact with somebody. You just have to know how to use it.

 

Hang out with other chicks, but keep a feeler on this girl. She's not gone yet.

 

I thought I was the only one who found this weird and interesting.

Alright then. I've planned to hangout with other girls, and not initiate contact with her whatsoever. Thanks for the replies.

[Zippy2000]

"NOT AS OF NOW"

 

Brilliant! Reminds me of a girl I once dated and she replied "Can we be friends just now as I ve got a lot of personal problems".

 

That was last year and never did become boyfriend/girlfriend but just friends. She is now dating someone else.

 

If a girl wants to be with you she will not want to lose you to someone else and would jump to be your girlfriend. Think about it.

 

There is no such thing as just now as just now she isnt interested. Now and into the future. Shes given you reasons too and its in her language calling you "dude".

[Guyouthere]

"NOT AS OF NOW"

 

Brilliant! Reminds me of a girl I once dated and she replied "Can we be friends just now as I ve got a lot of personal problems".

 

That was last year and never did become boyfriend/girlfriend but just friends. She is now dating someone else.

 

If a girl wants to be with you she will not want to lose you to someone else and would jump to be your girlfriend. Think about it.

 

There is no such thing as just now as just now she isnt interested. Now and into the future. Shes given you reasons too and its in her language calling you "dude".

 

Do a search on my posts… I seriously think you need to read them, as they apply to your situation as well.

[fitnessfan365]

When a girl doesn't return your interest, it's best just to move on. In romance, "friends" is usually just a formality of rejection. The only time I'd ever recommend friendship is if it's a woman you've been friends with for a long time that you try dating and it doesn't work. Then you can go back since you were already friends IMO.

 

But w/women you just met, your only interest was romance and when it fails you just date other women.