Samuel_22 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Hello everyone, I am just going through another nasty day here, like always specially in the morning, I am struggling here, as whether I have to do what I am going to do... just for your info and those who do not know my story, I was in a 6 month relationship with a girl, whom I really loved and wanted to marry, I was sure she was the one, until she dumped me to go back to her ex...I was literally a rebound....42 days have passed, and I deleted her phone number and everything that belonged to our rs from my life, I had her phone number written in a piece of paper, and I got rid of that yesterday, I just felt that piece of paper sort of held me back, there is one more thing, I seem to lack the courage to do.... It is our last way of contact...I have her account added to an app called ''Line'' I have hidden my posts from her in privacy setting, which means there is no way she can see my posts, the same applies to her, since she has done the same thing on her side, if I delete her account now, there is literally no way we can contact each other, since my account will be automatically deleted from her app...and I don't know if she still has my phone number or not...back to when we broke up she said she might come back, and even said we might be the right people to get married, a lot of people talked me about her claims, and they said she wanted to ease her guilt, and she will never come back... What should I do? pull the trigger, and get rid of the last means of communication? You may say c'mon Samuel what kind of dumb question is this? do what you want...but I am dying for what is right to do...yes I know she betrayed me, and I know you will tell me I shouldn't take her back, and I agree with you, and I am determined to do so...but I sort of miss her still... I am really confused... tell me what to do...I feel I need prescription for everything I do these days, I can't decide anymore...
casey.lives Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 you were dumped and betrayed .. the end 1
Blanco Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 You admit you were the rebound. Your time with this girl came and went. There is no future with this girl. And I don't think you were necessarily betrayed. Tons of people come to this site hoping for insight and confirmation that their ex is just rebounding with their new partner and that eventually, the ex will "snap out of it" and return to them. Well, that sounds like what happened in your situation, except you were the rebound.
sbk24 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Going to be honest IMO I think you should delete the last bit of contact as why should you be second best? You know you are the rebound guy so is there really any point in trying? (Sorry if that may seem harsh). If she truly did have feelings for you she would contact you by other means such as knocking on your door. 1
Author Samuel_22 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Going to be honest IMO I think you should delete the last bit of contact as why should you be second best? You know you are the rebound guy so is there really any point in trying? (Sorry if that may seem harsh). If she truly did have feelings for you she would contact you by other means such as knocking on your door. Well, yes it is harsh, and really really unfair,I still don't get it what was my fault in the whole story, and why should I be involved in this madness, why me? there are heartless people out there, who would have gone over this situation easily...if God wanted to help her, why did He choose me? I hate myself for being this sensitive, I have never done anything like this to anyone, what was the point? and now everyone is happy, living their own lives, but me....yes I agree my time had come, and I am going to delete that ****...I have no hope for her coming back anymore, so that wont make any difference, just that I know it is the end of the line... I wish I had never met her, I wish I had known what was coming... I have crossed the Rubicon already... I hope I don't have to live with this pain for the rest of my life, I hope this is not true at least
Blanco Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 You guys are way too impatient with this stuff. It's like you've bought into the stupid alpha male mindset that guys shouldn't feel ****ty after a breakup; that hooking up with someone else as soon as possible will fix everything. You'll be beating yourselves up a lot less if you just accept that losing a relationship is similar to experiencing a death. You don't just forget about it in a matter of weeks or even a couple of months. You must own your feelings and allow yourself to experience them. Otherwise, you'll either just delay the inevitable need to heal from the relationship or you'll become the emotionally detached sort of guy who makes for a crappy partner. 1
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Eh.. I would keep it. After a really long time passes and you've moved on it's sometimes nice to catch up and just see what the other person has been up to. Some people can simply hit the delete button with people but that's just not in my nature... A few months ago I started talking to an ex who I was with for many many years. During the break up I hated her guts but now that I have 0 emotions/feelings towards her I am somewhat glad we talk on rare occasions... Maybe I'm just wierd? 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 You guys are way too impatient with this stuff. It's like you've bought into the stupid alpha male mindset that guys shouldn't feel ****ty after a breakup; that hooking up with someone else as soon as possible will fix everything. You'll be beating yourselves up a lot less if you just accept that losing a relationship is similar to experiencing a death. You don't just forget about it in a matter of weeks or even a couple of months. You must own your feelings and allow yourself to experience them. Otherwise, you'll either just delay the inevitable need to heal from the relationship or you'll become the emotionally detached sort of guy who makes for a crappy partner. Quoted for Truth. In fact, absolutely nailed it. 1
Author Samuel_22 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 You guys are way too impatient with this stuff. It's like you've bought into the stupid alpha male mindset that guys shouldn't feel ****ty after a breakup; that hooking up with someone else as soon as possible will fix everything. You'll be beating yourselves up a lot less if you just accept that losing a relationship is similar to experiencing a death. You don't just forget about it in a matter of weeks or even a couple of months. You must own your feelings and allow yourself to experience them. Otherwise, you'll either just delay the inevitable need to heal from the relationship or you'll become the emotionally detached sort of guy who makes for a crappy partner. Blanco... I am tired of this situation, I don't see the reason why I should be here at all, this is my problem, that was not my pain, it was hers...She had to be more patient, she really needed to get over her ex before starting another relationship, she had to be a human being, that's all I am saying... But what can I do now? I am stranded here...it sucks!!! I am not an emotionally detached guy, honestly I have had the chance to move on...one was my own ex, the other one a new guy I met at work... but what's the point? I don't to prove anything to me or anyone else...I am just tired of it all...I love days when I get along well, smile and say finally it is over, but another day like today unfolds, and there we go again.... I am just hitting the absence grows heart fonder point, I never loved her this much when we were with each other at all....it is all creepy... sometimes it looks like a horror movie...lol
Author Samuel_22 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 You admit you were the rebound. Your time with this girl came and went. There is no future with this girl. And I don't think you were necessarily betrayed. Tons of people come to this site hoping for insight and confirmation that their ex is just rebounding with their new partner and that eventually, the ex will "snap out of it" and return to them. Well, that sounds like what happened in your situation, except you were the rebound. And this is not true at all, I am betrayed, if she had told me that I was a rebound, yeah that would mean something...not only didn't she tell me that, she told me it had been a long time she had not been in any relationship, and yeah she was the one who kept telling me she loved me, she was the one seeking approval, talking about marriage... I don't care, for those who go back to their exes the end result is almost always another break up.... but I am betrayed.... she could have had some honesty, she could have told me the whole story....and I would have helped her, and what's the point in going back to an ex? this is also true for me...
Blanco Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 And this is not true at all, I am betrayed, if she had told me that I was a rebound, yeah that would mean something...not only didn't she tell me that, she told me it had been a long time she had not been in any relationship, and yeah she was the one who kept telling me she loved me, she was the one seeking approval, talking about marriage... I don't care, for those who go back to their exes the end result is almost always another break up.... but I am betrayed.... she could have had some honesty, she could have told me the whole story....and I would have helped her, and what's the point in going back to an ex? this is also true for me... Talking about marriage and love and you guys were only together for six months? Those would've been red flags to me. You are only really getting to know someone in the first few months. At that stage, feeling like you love them or want to marry them is likely a result of infatuation, not genuine, actual love. She was wrong to fib about how long it had been since she was with the ex, but the rest of her behavior is classic future faking, which is often used by people on the rebound.
Blanco Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Helped her with what, though? She went back to the ex because she was never over him. I know you feel like this girl was someone you wanted to marry, but the truth is probably that she was confused during much of your relationship and WANTED to be over the ex, which she thought would happen if she could fall head over heels in love with someone else. That's you. Sorry, but I think the reason she was able to move on from you so quickly is because she was never really in love with you, even if she may have wanted to feel that way. She was always still into her ex and was just trying to find a distraction (i.e. another guy) to take away those feelings. When she realized it wasn't working, she dropped that plan/you. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Talking about marriage and love and you guys were only together for six months? Those would've been red flags to me. You are only really getting to know someone in the first few months. At that stage, feeling like you love them or want to marry them is likely a result of infatuation, not genuine, actual love. She was wrong to fib about how long it had been since she was with the ex, but the rest of her behavior is classic future faking, which is often used by people on the rebound. My H and I fell in love within days of meeting each other. (2004.) It was such a sure-run thing, it was impossible to deny our feelings for one another, and we knew - we just knew - we were together in this for the long haul. We didn't discuss marriage, or making it legal for over 2 years. (2007.) That WOULD have been way too hurried. We finally married in 2011. I think that was a suitable and appropriate engagement. Within 6 months...? Oh goodness. No. 1
Author Samuel_22 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 My H and I fell in love within days of meeting each other. (2004.) It was such a sure-run thing, it was impossible to deny our feelings for one another, and we knew - we just knew - we were together in this for the long haul. We didn't discuss marriage, or making it legal for over 2 years. (2007.) That WOULD have been way too hurried. We finally married in 2011. I think that was a suitable and appropriate engagement. Within 6 months...? Oh goodness. No. 6 months or more, I don't think the period of a relationship is ever important, people can click and fall in love fast, at least that was the case for me, the intensity of emotions is important..I really fell for this guy, and yes I made some mistakes along the way, showed her too much affection, because I thought she would not use this against me, well I was wrong.... anyhow... I have had 14 girlfriends in the past, with 3 of whom I was in LTR...but I never felt the same about them...I dunno maybe if I had stayed with her longer, I would lose interest in this one as well... funny I fell in love twice in the past, and both were 6 month old relationships yeah I know deep down, it was just the matter of time before I lose interest in her as well... anyhow I am realllllly fine today, it is one of those days I can shout to hell with her, and it was totally her loss, since her boyfriend has broken up with her again, I think, she can use her time, and analyze what she did was wrong.... I also met someone really really special today, she put forward the idea of a relationship, I said I needed some time to sort things out on my side, so we decided to be male/female friends for the time being, so that I can get over her completely, but hell she is much more attractive than my ex... But here is my concern Since my ex's boyfriend has dumped her again she might come back, one of her friends told me how she still loves me etc today...I am not going to rely on anything but her calling me/texting me directly.... And I know if this happened, I would feel weak, and go back to her, since I have never measured people on how attractive they are, I still have feelings for her...and I can't help it... I am gonna wait some time, before making any commitments with the new girl I have met... how long should I wait? I don't want to break any hearts, I have never done it in the past, so I won't make the final commitment until I am sure my ex wont come back....
Author Samuel_22 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Helped her with what, though? She went back to the ex because she was never over him. I know you feel like this girl was someone you wanted to marry, but the truth is probably that she was confused during much of your relationship and WANTED to be over the ex, which she thought would happen if she could fall head over heels in love with someone else. That's you. Sorry, but I think the reason she was able to move on from you so quickly is because she was never really in love with you, even if she may have wanted to feel that way. She was always still into her ex and was just trying to find a distraction (i.e. another guy) to take away those feelings. When she realized it wasn't working, she dropped that plan/you. Help her with what? what I am saying is that she had no right to do what she did to me...you think she is innocent? fine!!!! but if that's the case she had no right to talk about marriage again upon break up....you are talking to me as if I am the bad guy here, and whatever she did, she was a victim of circumstances.... Blanco I never get you...perhaps you are still angry at me...fine...
Author Samuel_22 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 This is how it happened, she was not over her ex, she thought it was over, we started a relationship, things were going pretty well, her ex showed up, she became confused, and because she had more bonds with the ex, and had not been with him for a long time, she went back to her ex, now the ex has dumped her again, her sister called me, I did not respond, so she told her friend about it (I presume) her friend came to talk to me today... and now they are all waiting for me to take the first step, that is not gonna happen... did she love me? I think she did, did she love her ex more? definitely, or maybe they had just more bonds, or absent grows heart fonder thing... Now the question is...if she comes back, should I consider another chance? I dunno...I have feelings for her, and I have kept someone else on hold for that...I have no doubt she will show up again, but I am not dying for such a moment either... Blanco what I am saying is that, so maybe she was confused when her ex showed up, she decided to be with him, but what justifies her talking about marriage, and the possibility of coming back? She seemed really frank and heartless when she broke up with me, she could easily ignore talking about these things... So I have no doubt I was the second best for her, the problem is that, I dunno if I want to be the second best a.... I am confused like hell... and all I am getting now from you is sarcasm... it is sarcastic, because I am being attacked and criticized here, for what I had no control over...as if you want to tell me, why do even think she betrayed you? or she was her ex's right and what happened was the right thing.... I am gonna wait...If she shows up in a matter of month...fine.... then we will have some serious conversation, to see how things can work this time....if she did not show up....again fine... I already have someone who is more attractive, so I will move on with her, I can get the closure I want in a matter of a month...either way I will be happy...I still prefer the first option though...maybe just because I am used to her.... by the way thank you... maybe I am mistaken, maybe you really did want to bring out the idea of reconciliation, and I misunderstood your point...
Blanco Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 My H and I fell in love within days of meeting each other. (2004.) It was such a sure-run thing, it was impossible to deny our feelings for one another, and we knew - we just knew - we were together in this for the long haul. We didn't discuss marriage, or making it legal for over 2 years. (2007.) That WOULD have been way too hurried. We finally married in 2011. I think that was a suitable and appropriate engagement. Within 6 months...? Oh goodness. No. I should've clarified. I don't think it's wrong to THINK or FEEL that a new relationship has the potential for marriage. But any talks about it that quickly? No way. Most new relationships feel amazing in the beginning. Depending on how often you're with this person, six months is when that new relationship energy begins to fade and you have to decide if you're ready to dig in a bit deeper with the real person you've partnered with or if you were more infatuated with the facade of that person you get early in most relationships. 1
Blanco Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 You said... and I would have helped her, and what's the point in going back to an ex? this is also true for me... And I asked, "Helped her with what?" I guess I don't get what you would've helped her with. That's what I meant. I never said she was innocent. All I was saying there is that she was looking to get over her ex by getting involved with someone (new) and when she realized that wasn't fixing things for her, she bailed out. That's not me saying she's innocent; that's me explaining what likely happened. You seem to think I have it out for you, when all I'm trying to do is offer some perspective here and possible insights as to why things happened the way they did.
Blanco Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) This is how it happened, she was not over her ex, she thought it was over, we started a relationship, things were going pretty well, her ex showed up, she became confused, and because she had more bonds with the ex, and had not been with him for a long time, she went back to her ex, now the ex has dumped her again, her sister called me, I did not respond, so she told her friend about it (I presume) her friend came to talk to me today... and now they are all waiting for me to take the first step, that is not gonna happen... did she love me? I think she did, did she love her ex more? definitely, or maybe they had just more bonds, or absent grows heart fonder thing... Now the question is...if she comes back, should I consider another chance? I dunno...I have feelings for her, and I have kept someone else on hold for that...I have no doubt she will show up again, but I am not dying for such a moment either... Blanco what I am saying is that, so maybe she was confused when her ex showed up, she decided to be with him, but what justifies her talking about marriage, and the possibility of coming back? She seemed really frank and heartless when she broke up with me, she could easily ignore talking about these things... So I have no doubt I was the second best for her, the problem is that, I dunno if I want to be the second best a.... I am confused like hell... and all I am getting now from you is sarcasm... it is sarcastic, because I am being attacked and criticized here, for what I had no control over...as if you want to tell me, why do even think she betrayed you? or she was her ex's right and what happened was the right thing.... I am gonna wait...If she shows up in a matter of month...fine.... then we will have some serious conversation, to see how things can work this time....if she did not show up....again fine... I already have someone who is more attractive, so I will move on with her, I can get the closure I want in a matter of a month...either way I will be happy...I still prefer the first option though...maybe just because I am used to her.... by the way thank you... maybe I am mistaken, maybe you really did want to bring out the idea of reconciliation, and I misunderstood your point... - I doubt she was ever over her ex. Some people don't like to be alone after a long relationship ends, so they move into new relationships very quickly as a means of avoiding the heartache. My guess is she was never over her ex and when he returned, she jumped ship, because that is what she wanted all along. - It was irresponsible to talk about marriage regardless if she was not over her ex or not. At less than six months, those are the kinds of talks that rational people aren't having, at least, not with any conviction. Six months is way too soon to even entertain such lifelong commitments. I don't know this girl, but again, I would guess she wasn't over her ex and really just wanted to feel like she was decisively moving on by "falling in love" with someone new. - You shouldn't wait. You were the rebound. She's not rebounding with this guy. She was rebounding with YOU! I'm sure she cares about you, but I don't think she was ever over her ex and always wanted to be with him deep down. That sucks for you, because it sounds like you went all in emotionally with her, but I would wager she won't be back. You were her transitional guy. Not someone she has any future with. And sarcasm? I haven't used any sarcasm in this thread. You seem to think I'm attacking you just because I'm not jumping in and yelling, "That stupid slut! How could she?... But you should totally wait around for her to come back." No, I'm just telling you what I think her mindset was and why I think she did what she did. That's not me justifying her actions, which seems to be how you're taking my posts. Edited September 25, 2015 by Blanco
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 I feel bad for what I have done, that was the hardest decision I made since my break up 2 months ago, and I am going to break down and cry like a baby again... My ex left me for an ex, and I have been hopeful for her coming back, since she told me things upon break up, some said she had said those things to ease her guilt. I had left the doors open anyhow. I had deleted her phone number on day 1 of BU, today I had one of those bad days and I decided to delete her ''line'' account on my cellphone, well she had blocked me anyhow, this was the last way of communication, since I don't know whether she still has my phone number or not. I did it anyhow and now I feel I have closed the door I once ;eft open... Did I make a mistake? or do you think if someone wants you, that person will find the way to contact you regardlss... I feel really bad now...
Blanco Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Nope, because as I said before, you were the rebound. Most people don't go back to a rebound. 3
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 Nope, because as I said before, you were the rebound. Most people don't go back to a rebound. Yeah you are right, and besides, even if she came back, I would not be able to trust her anymore, it was so hard a decision I made last night and while it hurt me a lot, I had every reason to do so... The harm is done, I have been in this **** hole for almost 2 months now,her coming back won't help either, because the idea of her leaving me for another guy will still be around... Besides, she still knows where I teach, she still knows mutual friends who have my phone number, so if she wants it, nothing can stop her from doing so, I just need to continue my life, I have paid my share in this RS, and while it was the expensive one, I can't do anything about it now. If someone had told me where my life was headed 6 months ago, I'd have ordered a double of what they were drinking, drunk it, and blown my head out. But to me there are two types of people, those who try to build the past, and those who try to build the future. I have to keep going, by the way thanks Blanco that helped a lot
Christos Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I know it hurts, but you should try dating other women. You don't need to do anything serious, you don't even need to have sex. You don't even need to like them very much, or thinking they could be "the one". Just go out on dates, to meet new women, feel the excitement of getting prepared and having fun with women etc. This will help you feel better. It did make ME feel better. I still love my ex unconditionally, but i am not in pain anymore, because i am experiencing the company of other women. Try it. Just be careful to not lead on anyone, and be open about your situation. 1
ManyDissapoint Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Being used as a rebound by someone who goes back to the ex that they used you to help get over, is just about one of the most ultimate forms of disrespect a person can do to another. She doesn't want you mate. She only used you. Never, ever entertain the idea of getting back with her. Even if she came back to you, she would never respect you for taking her back. Because it says that you don't respect or value yourself that you shrug off such a massive disrespect. At any rate, she will not be back. Ever. Move on with your life. Similar thing happened to me and she's married with children with her ex. On the outside looks like an angel but really she did something absolutely horrible to me. 3
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 Being used as a rebound by someone who goes back to the ex that they used you to help get over, is just about one of the most ultimate forms of disrespect a person can do to another. She doesn't want you mate. She only used you. Never, ever entertain the idea of getting back with her. Even if she came back to you, she would never respect you for taking her back. Because it says that you don't respect or value yourself that you shrug off such a massive disrespect. At any rate, she will not be back. Ever. Move on with your life. Similar thing happened to me and she's married with children with her ex. On the outside looks like an angel but really she did something absolutely horrible to me. Well said, She also was wearing the same mask... she was religious and I thought religious people would not do such horrible things well haply I was mistaken, I will never ever date another religious person, ''No wonder, for even Evil disguises himself as the angel of light.'' says Bible. yeah I will move on as soon as I feel a little better Christos, but as you said ,I am gonna tell the person everything she should know about my current situation, the decision will be hers... I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, that really sucks...
Recommended Posts