broken25 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 It's been over a month since he returned all my gifts back to me. I put them away and never looked into it, as I already knew what to expect. I could see all the clothes I have bought him in one bag, but never opened the other box. I assumed the other box had all the watches, wallets and colognes I had gotten him. I opened the box today because the curiosity killed me, and I felt I had gained the strength to finally look at those things again. Not only did it have all the watches, colognes etc... but also every single card, note, letter, handmade item I had given him. He even returned all the notes I had made for him for his university classes. All the assignments I had done for him. And other cute things I made him. It just hurts so much. I mean, I could never IMAGINE returning those kind of things back to someone. Those letters, and cards and everything? Why would you go out of your way to throw those things back at someone? Anyways. Sorry, I just needed to vent.
Draper Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 That's rough Was it a bad breakup? By retuning that stuff it sounds like he's angry so I take it you were the dumper? When my ex left, I gave her back everything I had that was hers plus one thing, a keychain she had given me the month before with our initials and the date we started dating on it. I didn't do it to be cruel per say, more so to remind her of what we once were. 1
Author broken25 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 That's rough Was it a bad breakup? By retuning that stuff it sounds like he's angry so I take it you were the dumper? When my ex left, I gave her back everything I had that was hers plus one thing, a keychain she had given me the month before with our initials and the date we started dating on it. I didn't do it to be cruel per say, more so to remind her of what we once were. I wasn't really the dumper. It was a very weird break-up. He got upset over something silly, asked for time alone, I gave him time alone, he got upset that I left him alone and that I didn't inquire why he wanted to be alone. When I did inquire what was going on - he insulted me horribly, became extremely verbally abusive - causing me so much anxiety. Neither of us made the effort to contact each other after that - I know he was expecting me to continue to chase him, and beg him for forgiveness (for God knows what), but after all the advice I got on here and through fam/friends, I didn't think I had the mental or emotional strength to deal with his behavior anymore. About 2-3 weeks of NC between us, he called me to tell me "it was officially over, he was liberating himself from me (?), that I was a hypocrite etc etc." And I didn't fight it, I said I figured it was over the day you insulted me horribly. And he said I was a sensitive cry baby for not being able to tolerate that, I should have been grateful for all that he had done for me etc. The following day he came to return all my gifts, and in the moment I kind of chased him to talk to me at least one last time, but he pushed me away and left. So yes, it was messy. But I don't see myself as the dumper. In your case, did your ex dump you? I don't know, I just see gifts as so valuable. How can you return something that someone else put effort, time and love into at one point? Just comes off as horribly rude in my opinion (in reference to my ex). I guess it depends on how and why you return the gifts, and if your intent is to hurt the other person or not.
Draper Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Yeah she up and left, without any real warning. Told me how much she loved me one day, left a few days later, and about two weeks after that i'm pretty sure she is seeing someone else. That's when I returned her stuff and the keychain. I guess I was trying to show in a way that I wasn't chasing her.
thunder777 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) throw it all out immediately not in your bin either, a bin far far away or a charity bin your future must have no evidence of that person anywhere except in your memory any items associated to that past relationship will only bring u pain, erase everything Edited September 23, 2015 by thunder777 1
Jaganath Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I don't know if this will help, but my gf broke up with me a couple of weeks back, utterly broke my heart and I'm thinking of doing what your boyfriend did - that is returning every last little thing she ever gave me, the cards, the cute gifts, the clothes and jewellery etc - all of it. But the reason for this isn't because I hate her or want to hurt her, it's just that having this stuff around kills me and I can't face destroying it or giving it away. Part of me hopes that when she sees all the things she gave me, all the kind thoughts and love she put into them, then she might reconsider what she's doing to me?! I don't know if you were dumped or you dumped him, but it might not be him just being mean, there might me more to it. 1
Author broken25 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I don't know if this will help, but my gf broke up with me a couple of weeks back, utterly broke my heart and I'm thinking of doing what your boyfriend did - that is returning every last little thing she ever gave me, the cards, the cute gifts, the clothes and jewellery etc - all of it. But the reason for this isn't because I hate her or want to hurt her, it's just that having this stuff around kills me and I can't face destroying it or giving it away. Part of me hopes that when she sees all the things she gave me, all the kind thoughts and love she put into them, then she might reconsider what she's doing to me?! I don't know if you were dumped or you dumped him, but it might not be him just being mean, there might me more to it. I don't know. I mean, if I was your ex-gf, I would find this to be extremely disrespectful. If you can't throw it away or trash it, you can certainly put everything away in a box, UNTIL one day you reach the point where you can pick it all up and throw it away, or feel indifferent about it. I just feel like an act like this is done more out of spite/hatred...to hurt the other person. And if anything, it isn't going to make your gf realize what she's doing/done - it might just make her dislike you more, just the way it has made me feel about my ex. Regardless of who dumped who, I just think returning gifts in any situation is extremely immature. Sure, return any items that you have that might be HERS, but gifts were made//given with love at some point. They hold value. The thing with my ex was that, he had also returned gifts in fight we had in the past. And I CLEARLY told him how much it hurt me when he threw my gifts back at me, and he said he felt ashamed. So he knew very well what I felt about returning gifts... and he did exactly that! So there's no way I can think he's doing anything other than being mean.
Draper Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I should clarify that when I said above "I gave her back everything that was hers', I just meant the stuff that was actually hers. (i.e. clothes). I kept the stuff she gave me like clothes and other gifts, and likewise she kept all the gifts I gave her. The only thing I returned was the keychain she gave me, and only because she had just given it to me a few weeks prior. So it was kind of like a 'how the hell did things change so fast?' I would be careful returning everything. I think it could send the wrong message. Look at the OP, she's hurt by it. He probably didn't intent to hurt her, but nonetheless.
Seth0194 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Shortly after she moved out I gathered the things she gave me over the years. Cards, letters, pictures etc and boxed them. I still have photos in my phone that I want to download (memories and all) the only things left are the colognes she bought me, a couple shirts and some oddities that we got together. I took her items she forgotten or left and put them in another box, I am not going out of my way to get them to her and I would never send her gifts back, no matter how mad she made me. Those were given to me when we were in love and I see them as good times, though I do not want to remember those any time soon. Very mean thing he did. He could destroyed them if he did not want them. He is rubbing it in your face, he wants nothing to do with you.
Draper Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Shortly after she moved out I gathered the things she gave me over the years. Cards, letters, pictures etc and boxed them. I still have photos in my phone that I want to download (memories and all) the only things left are the colognes she bought me, a couple shirts and some oddities that we got together. I took her items she forgotten or left and put them in another box, I am not going out of my way to get them to her and I would never send her gifts back, no matter how mad she made me. Those were given to me when we were in love and I see them as good times, though I do not want to remember those any time soon. Very mean thing he did. He could destroyed them if he did not want them. He is rubbing it in your face, he wants nothing to do with you. Yeah, there's some good points here. I definitely wouldn't destroy them, you might come to regret that down the line when you calm down about the whole thing. I had like 700 pictures on my phone because my ex loved taking them. I almost deleted them but then I thought of all the memories held in the pictures. They were taken when the love was pure and honest. I couldn't get rid of them. Besides, you never know, someday reconciliation might come and it would be nice to have the old memories. I downloaded the pictures to my computer, zipped them in a file called 'do-not-open' and stashed them on my backup hard drive. Someday I'll have the strength to either open them or get rid of them. 1
quattrob Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 The only reason anyone would return these things back to their ex is to send a message because why not just throw it all in the trash if you just wanted to get rid of it for good? Why send it back to your ex, that's so much more work. From my experience my ex broke up with me earlier this year and I wanted to do the same, return the stuff she bought and made me because I wanted to send her a message that 1. I can move on no problem 2. Hoping that by having her see the stuff that that would remind her the good times and perhaps want me back. 3. Anger/resentment. But I never did it because ultimately the things I listed wouldn't change the outcome. In fact it's really childish and immature to do that to begin with. Either stash these things away (if you have self control) or throw it in the garbage bin. Don't ever send these things back to the ex. It's pointless.
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