ZA Dater Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I have established I have very real issues around females, I just become incredibly awkward, fidget and have no idea where to put my hands. None of this is particularly attractive and perhaps funny to those females I am unfortunate enough to meet, be they business people are just people in general. This problem becomes a hundred times worse if said female is deemed to be very attractive. This problem is also worse because I have now become aware of it. Anyone over come similar issues?
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Practice. Join a group like ToastMasters or if you have the money take a Dale Carnegie class. They teach you how to network & be more comfortable with people. Like anything else it's a skill.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Practice. Join a group like ToastMasters or if you have the money take a Dale Carnegie class. They teach you how to network & be more comfortable with people. Like anything else it's a skill. I am perfectly comfortable around guys, I don't have this issue at all them. Just around people I find attractive. I think I just need to try put it to the back of mind and try not be conscious of it. Its all probably about confidence at the end of the day.
Krieger Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I order to be good at anything you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable - Travis Robertson
Qboro90 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Use a mirror or video record yourself and role play the entire date or conversation out loud. Write down what you want to say first then say it until it flows and seems natural. Anticipate things she might ask or your replies and do it over and over again until you feel like you have it down pat. The more you date, the more you can add to your role play as far as topics and questions go. Spend 10-15 minutes writing what you'd say so it's clear and concise and flirtatious when needed. Then say it out loud and watch once you're done so you can see how you look/come across. Adjust and do it over until you can say it confidently.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 Use a mirror or video record yourself and role play the entire date or conversation out loud. Write down what you want to say first then say it until it flows and seems natural. Anticipate things she might ask or your replies and do it over and over again until you feel like you have it down pat. The more you date, the more you can add to your role play as far as topics and questions go. Spend 10-15 minutes writing what you'd say so it's clear and concise and flirtatious when needed. Then say it out loud and watch once you're done so you can see how you look/come across. Adjust and do it over until you can say it confidently. A good suggestion. The worry about that is I get back into the pattern of over thinking again, rather than being spontaneous.
Imported Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) I have established I have very real issues around females, I just become incredibly awkward, fidget and have no idea where to put my hands. If it's any comfort, what you have established is nothing particular to only you. It's pretty common stuff, most guys are like that. Talk with lots of girls, even the ones you're not attracted to. Don't try to anticipate what they say.....who the **** cares. You're thinking too hard and putting too much into it if you do **** like that, but that's me. I dunno, maybe some guys need to write things out and memorize/rehearse it all. If I am talking to a girl that I am interested in, I already am pretty sure she is interested in me before I ever went up to her. I am not trying to win her over, do anything to spark her interest, wow her with my BS stories that I didn't rehearse or think outloud in front of a mirror. I just moved recently. Next girl I go for, I will probably talk about where I am currently living at and roll with however that goes. It's not rocket science, you just need to not be nervous. I think thinking about it too much will not help. Just do it. edit: Talk about what interest you that you can easily talk about and is probably interesting to her....that is appropriate for the situation of course and that can probably lead off to many other topics. Like I said, I just moved and would love to hear about cool places and things around the area that she knows of. The best Mexican and Thai restaurant. My favorite food, her favorite food. Best gym or gym to avoid. Where can I go do some swimming because it is so freaking hot here!!! I have a genuine interest here and I will run out of time before I run out of things I can easily talk about. Edited September 27, 2015 by Imported
Author ZA Dater Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 If it's any comfort, what you have established is nothing particular to only you. It's pretty common stuff, most guys are like that. Talk with lots of girls, even the ones you're not attracted to. Don't try to anticipate what they say.....who the **** cares. You're thinking too hard and putting too much into it if you do **** like that, but that's me. I dunno, maybe some guys need to write things out and memorize/rehearse it all. If I am talking to a girl that I am interested in, I already am pretty sure she is interested in me before I ever went up to her. I am not trying to win her over, do anything to spark her interest, wow her with my BS stories that I didn't rehearse or think outloud in front of a mirror. I just moved recently. Next girl I go for, I will probably talk about where I am currently living at and roll with however that goes. It's not rocket science, you just need to not be nervous. I think thinking about it too much will not help. Just do it. edit: Talk about what interest you that you can easily talk about and is probably interesting to her....that is appropriate for the situation of course and that can probably lead off to many other topics. Like I said, I just moved and would love to hear about cool places and things around the area that she knows of. The best Mexican and Thai restaurant. My favorite food, her favorite food. Best gym or gym to avoid. Where can I go do some swimming because it is so freaking hot here!!! I have a genuine interest here and I will run out of time before I run out of things I can easily talk about. Great advice, thank you. I agree one needs to find common points of interest and those lead to other topics. Its quite nice when that happens and you can literally sit and talk for hours.
alphamale Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I have established I have very real issues around females, I just become incredibly awkward, fidget and have no idea where to put my hands. None of this is particularly attractive and perhaps funny to those females I am unfortunate enough to meet, be they business people are just people in general. This problem becomes a hundred times worse if said female is deemed to be very attractive. This problem is also worse because I have now become aware of it. Anyone over come similar issues? you act like this because you have little experience. once you get older you will be fine
Author ZA Dater Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 you act like this because you have little experience. once you get older you will be fine I am 31 so not exactly 17 but I do get your point.
thecrucible Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I think that's kind of cute. It's nice to think that a guy likes you enough to get nervous. You could try your best to invest less in the outcome and just know that you're putting your best self forward. Then you know there's nothing else you can do, and you let the chips fall where they may. If you're a little bit nervous, it shows you care so I don't think it's really as bad as you think.
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