Friends aren't considerate of me

[SpiralOut]

What does this have to do with anything else posted in this thread?

 

 

So what if she's dating the first guy to show interest in her? It's okay to have some fun, and this guy doesn't sound like a jerk from what you've described. I think it's very telling that you can't act happy for her. I don't think Kelly is the one who feels left out.

[casey.lives]

get new friends. done.

[amkxoxo]

Now Kelly and Lexi are not supporting Halloween. Now I stopped really celebrating Halloween in college. My senior year people dressed up and I could drink so I went to some parties. I'm 23 now and I figure why not go out and have fun while I can. Now I have a boyfriend and he and all his friends want to dress up and go out.

 

We got invited to go bar hopping in a group. Sounds really fun. We don't get crazy or drunk, just fun.

 

Kelly now says how she wants to have a bonfire Halloween night in her backyard. I was like Saturday? Halloween night? She wants to have a bonfire? No drinking, just sitting around the fire.

 

Last time Kelly had a fire, it was kind of boring. I never told her that, but some people told he to her face. Its her parents house so even though we were all 23 and older no one could drink, and there was nothing else to do but sit.

 

She thinks that a bunch of people want to do that on Halloween? I feel bad, but no one is going to go. Then Kelly goes on to say how she was invited bar hopping with the group too, but she doesn't feel like getting all dressed up and being around all drunk idiots.

 

That was rough. My boyfriend and I might be going out bar hopping. So we are the drunk idiots?

 

I don't know if its because her boyfriend is 27, so maybe he is over halloween. But Kelly is 23. Then Lexi pipes in to say how halloween is overrated.

 

I know for a fact Lexi has to work that night and cannot celebrate. I also know for a fact that if she wasn't working she and her boyfriend would be out dressed up and partying. Her boyfriend loves to drink and go to parties. No way they wouldn't be going out. I felt stupid then. I told them I was dressing up because we are only this young once. I told them how I might be out bar hopping. Lexi says how she has nothing against people who want to do that, she just isn't into it anymore.

 

She has nothing against people who are into that?

 

We're 23. I might not even drink that night. I just want to socialize and go out with my boyfriend and not sit around a fire and chat all night. Her saying that tells me she is clearly judging me. Its so annoying. How they just ban together.

 

I know for a fact that if Lexi didn't have work and she was going out to drink and party, and I was too, Kelly wouldn't be sitting around a fire. She would get a costume and drag her boyfriend out to bars with us.

 

We go to bars maybe once a month on the weekends. Is that what Kelly thinks when we all go out? We're all drunken idiots?

[preraph]

OP, you've got to just stop assuming people are like you or that they should be and stop assuming things or getting mad when they don't live up to your expectations. Obviously, they're more alike each other than they are you and so you're having trouble with it.

[amkxoxo]

I'm trying to be supportive of Kelly. I am happy for her if she is happy in her new relationship. I try and carve out time for my boyfriend and her in my life. Lately though, I can see things shifting, and its her fault. Kelly sees her boyfriend everyday. She acts like he is the best thing since sliced bread. She has only been in a relationship with him for one month. He's a nice guy, but I can see how she is slowly segregating them from us. We all went to an event the other night. Kelly invited one of her girlfriends to come. I went with my boyfriend and his friends, and we all met up in a big group. I felt bad for Kelly's friend since she was third wheel to them. I could see Kelly and her boyfriend were distant. Kelly's friend, who we all know, spent her whole time with us hanging out and not with Kelly who invited her.

 

Kelly and her boyfriend went out to dinner before the event. The rest of us did not. I told Kelly we planned on going out after for some food and drinks, but they went out anyway.

 

After the event we were having fun laughing and talking, so we all picked a local restaurant to grab some food and drinks. Kelly, her boyfriend, and Kelly's friend went off in one car and said they would meet us there.

 

We get there and instead of getting a table, we politely wait for them to come. We wait and wait and wait. Finally I get a message from Kelly. She says how her boyfriend is tired and wants to go home. And she has to be up early so they decided not to go. Then she tells me how her friend really wanted to go so they dropped her at her house so she could drive herself to meet us.

 

Some members of my group were mad that we waited and Kelly told us so late. We could have already ordered and gotten drinks. Kelly's friend showed up and we all laughed and had a good time. Mind you, it was only 10:30 at night. Not super late for Grandma Kelly and her new Grandpa.

 

Segregating themselves more from the group. And how they are not going out on Halloween. Everyone else is going out in a group and having fun. We're 23. Its fun. Kelly wants to sit home with her boyfriend and hand out candy to little kids.

 

I just can't take her relationship seriously. I think her boyfriend is continually trying to impress her, so he says what she wants to hear. The night we met him we were at a bar. He was drunk, and he told us he frequented that bar a lot.

 

Kelly now claims he doesn't like to go out and drink. He would rather stay in and chill. That's such a lie. Whether he is telling her or she is making it up because that is what she likes to do.

 

Or she says how his family is infatuated with her and tells him how much thy love her and gush about her. They have been dating for one month. No family is that over the moon after one month. No way. Its all fake. My boyfriend treats me well, but we're real. He calls me out on my stuff. We are genuine. He tries to impress me, but he doesn't lose himself in the process.

 

She was even gushing to me how there's all these little ironies with her and her boyfriend. One of them being her grandma and his mother being in hospital rooms right near each other last week.

 

Really?

 

I've had that happen a ton of times. My grandmother ended up in the same nursing home room as my grandfather before he died. It happens.

 

I told her how when my boyfriend first asked me out, it was the middle of the night and we were outside. He was begging me and begging me. I kept saying No and denying him. When I finally gave in and said yes, suddenly fireworks went off over out heads. It made no sense. It was 2 in the morning. Why would fireworks go off. Even my boyfriend still talks about it, because it was way too ironic.

 

Kelly just shook her head and went along telling me all about the ironies in her relationship. Which weren't ironies at all. She pretty much disregarded my story. My guy asked me to be his girlfriend in a super romantic way. Hers did not. She makes hers sound like she was cinderella and he fit the glass slipper to her foot. Again, just shakes her head approvingly to my story.

 

I love Kelly, I just think she is forcing her whole relationship. My boyfriend thinks so too. I didn't even mention any of this to him, and he told me similar things about what he thought of Kelly and her boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn't really like Kelly. He likes her because she is my best friend. She is a good person, I just wish she was more real.

 

This is the first guy who has taken a general interest in her and she just jumps for it all. Kelly is one of those people who doesn't have a lot going on in her life, hobby wise, so she tries to gain attention for things that people don't care about, like her being a vegetarian, though I know she cheats. She likes to say how we both were ballerinas, though she quit over ten years ago when she was a little kid, and I still practice the art, as I have for 20 years. I teach little girls, suddenly she claims she used to teach too. I teach my own class. She used to assist an instructor on lining the girls up and walking them to the bathroom. I used to take singling lessons. Kelly has never mentioned ever taking lessons, and suddenly a few months ago she talks like she took all these singing lessons.

 

I love Kelly, but she needs to own her own life, and not mine or Lexi's. That is her big problem. She doesn't own her own life. She is not that interesting of a person, so she takes from others. Just be yourself. That is why I think when we make plans, she jumps on the bandwagon with Lexi.

[La Trese]

Oh god I used to be you haha. But then I realized....most people don't really care and/or look too much into who is going and kind of have a if they come they come if they don't im going anyways attitude and likewise for them. I started adopting that attitude and it made friendships a lot less frustrating.

 

edit: also side note I read more of what you posted and this attitude only works if the people are self aware and okay with you doing the same. Its okay to have that attitude but what irked me was the hypocrisy of when they got mad at you for doing the same thing to them they did to you.

Edited October 21, 2015 by La Trese