press Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 so i am seeing this guy for 4 months almost and we been meeting every week. Recently we had conversation that we take it slow as there's still to find out about eachother since we are not offically in relationship yet. He said there is bond between us and that to be patient and not rush to not get burned and i think he is right. On Saturday he stayed over and when went to toilet found condom in my bin. Problem is i use toys and when i m on my period i use condoms wiith them or if i have discharge. He doesn't believe me and he asked if i see someone else i said i dont and he said to me he is not convinced and he needs time to think about it. What should i do? i told him truth i can't do much else?just to say he is typical scorpio.. stubborn and hard to gain his trust.. i duno what can i do for him to change his mind. Should i give him time? if yes how long should i not talk to him?
Celeste.Carol Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Has he seen this side to you? Masturbating with toys a lot. If so, then you would think he would have some trust and if you have never lied before, even more so. I think this is equivalent to a wife/gf coming home and finding a condom, and the man pleads he used it during masturbation to not make a mess. There is a wavering line between trust and "Do you think I am an idiot?"
Buddhist Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 He asked, you answered. End of conversation. If he chooses not to believe you, jumping through hoops will not make him trust you. It will just teach him that you will jump through hoops every time he disapproves and you'll open the door to manipulation. The thing is, he will only trust in a relationship when he decides to do so. If you know the truth of things and he decides to walk away, it's his loss. I would leave it there, not rehash this conversation, nor dance to his tune over it. His feelings on the matter are his own, he can take them home and sort them out. Wait for him to contact you. 2
rocketman122 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I wouldnt believe it if it was my GF. image you coming to his house and finding a condom. and he never used one with you. he could say I was ****ing a doll I got to try it out and not get it messy. he returned the doll though. she wasnt tight enough. id walk away. otoh, he could have smelled the inside and see if there was a specific scent.
thunder777 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 yea well id be furious too, wtf!!! send him a link to this thread, write a full explanation of everything u did that night even just reading your post, i cant fully believe you
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 If you were actually cheating, does he not think you'd be bright enough to toss the condom away somewhere he couldn't see it or get rid of it before he could find it? 1
h0000 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 If you were actually cheating, does he not think you'd be bright enough to toss the condom away somewhere he couldn't see it or get rid of it before he could find it? lol hey, some people really are careless (or plain stupid) hmm it's a bit hard to believe you OP. 2
Disconnect Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I have to say... it does sound like BS. I wouldn't believe it either. 1
Author press Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 well he knows i have toys he knew it at start plus we have been always honest about anything thats why i dont know why he is doing it
h0000 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 well he knows i have toys he knew it at start plus we have been always honest about anything thats why i dont know why he is doing it if you really don't know why he's doing it, it's because toys and condoms are usually mutually exclusive but you use them together. Just like a guy telling you he uses condom when he jerks off. 1% chance it's true. Hopefully he will believe you based on the 4 month of knowing who you are
SawtoothMars Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 well he knows i have toys he knew it at start plus we have been always honest about anything thats why i dont know why he is doing it ... I've never met or even heard of anyone else who uses condoms in this way. So that makes your story hard to believe. Just hang in there and see if he turns around on this.
jen1447 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Condom and toy use isn't uncommon at all. Certainly not between ppl using them together, which is similar to your reason - it's just a barrier between elements you don't want to mix for whatever reason. Buddhist is entirely right - it's on him and there's not much else you can do with it at this point. Personally I'd wonder if I even want to be with someone who exhibits paranoid traits after a basis of trust has been established.
xcupid Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 He will believe what he wants to believe. You can't change that. If he doesn't trust you then time to find someone who's more mature and can trust you. You were up front with him right from the beginning. Your condom use is perfectly normal with sex toys. What's left inside a condom is usually a tell tale sign, too.
katiegrl Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 What I would like to know is what prompted him to look in your *bin* in the first place? You mean your dirty laundry bin? What was he looking for, dirty underwear? Who does that? Weirdo. 1
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I would never date someone that tells me to handle him with kid gloves until HE (yes this is about him) feels you are trust worthy. You shouldn't have to explain yourself. If he is running off all freaked out, he's got issues that are not yours to deal with or fix. Throw this one into the trash bin, you are not there to kiss his boo boo on his damaged heart. 3
Diezel Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 What I would like to know is what prompted him to look in your *bin* in the first place? You mean your dirty laundry bin? What was he looking for, dirty underwear? Bin = Trash can right by the toilet. I'm guessing. If it were the dirty laundry bin and she's throwing condoms in there, don't you think THAT would be weirder? 1
katiegrl Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Bin = Trash can right by the toilet. I'm guessing. If it were the dirty laundry bin and she's throwing condoms in there, don't you think THAT would be weirder? Lol, good point! Unless condom got tangled in with her panties somehow. But okay, assuming it was trash bin, who goes through their girlfriend's trash? What was he looking for? This entire thread sounds weird!
Diezel Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Haven't you ever thrown paper towel into a trash can, looked down, and saw something that stood out? You're assuming that this trash can had a lid that he had to pull up and purposely went digging through. That shouldn't be assumed automatically. My own "bin" doesn't have a lid so anyone who threw paper into it, would see whatever is sticking out. 2
katiegrl Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Haven't you ever thrown paper towel into a trash can, looked down, and saw something that stood out? You're assuming that this trash can had a lid that he had to pull up and purposely went digging through. That shouldn't be assumed automatically. My own "bin" doesn't have a lid so anyone who threw paper into it, would see whatever is sticking out. Actually no I don't go looking into other people's trash bins, down, up or sideways. Not my deal. Unless I am suspicious of something, which I am not. I toss the paper towel in there and that's that...
Diezel Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I toss the paper towel in there and that's that... Your friends probably hate all the times you missed the bin. And again, he might have thrown it in there not actively looking. You just seem to assume he went automatically digging through trash. That's not 100% the case and only he knows that or not. 1
katiegrl Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Your friends probably hate all the times you missed the bin. And again, he might have thrown it in there not actively looking. You just seem to assume he went automatically digging through trash. That's not 100% the case and only he knows that or not. Diezel, this is a silly argument. Who cares? So it is normal he went through/looked down at her trash, fine, I don't really care. Do you? Really? I still think he is weird. Paranoid and weird. And if OP is putting condoms on toys .... than IMO she is weird too. :bunny:
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Personally I'd wonder if I even want to be with someone who exhibits paranoid traits after a basis of trust has been established. You have to admit that the BF isn't being paranoid, he is being presented with the exact same scenario as if she was sleeping with another guy yet he is to believe that she isn't. It is about the trust and if I was presented (when I was single) with the same scenario I would see if the person wavered at all during he discussion and if they didn't I would set the issue aside but keep an eye out for any other signs. The BF isn't in the wrong.. and neither is the OP.. it is just an odd scenario that looks worse than it really is. 2
kendahke Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I've heard of using condoms on toys to keep them from getting overly icky. OP, your guy may have just been looking for an excuse to bail. If he wants to believe that you're screwing around, then he's going to do that no matter what shape you twist yourself into to get him to believe you. It's best he just skip off on his merry little way now before even more of your time is wasted behind him. 1
jen1447 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 You have to admit that the BF isn't being paranoid, he is being presented with the exact same scenario as if she was sleeping with another guy yet he is to believe that she isn't. It is about the trust and if I was presented (when I was single) with the same scenario I would see if the person wavered at all during he discussion and if they didn't I would set the issue aside but keep an eye out for any other signs. The BF isn't in the wrong.. and neither is the OP.. it is just an odd scenario that looks worse than it really is. Paranoid - they have a basis of established trust in the relationship, she has an entirely plausible explanation for the presence of the condom. Trust combined with plausibility resulting in suspicion is paranoia - an irrational distrust. 1
Recommended Posts