Karimikui Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Can a friendship ever work when your friend resents you? I have a friend whose intelligence and work ethic I really admire. However, she is extremely resentful of me. I'm 38 and my friend (an ex colleague) is in her 60s. I'm considered attractive and my friend considers herself "ugly". She is very vocal about this. She is not "ugly" but she is overweight and not especially physically attractive. She says that as a young woman men never asked her out on dates and that family members even berated her for being "ugly." In reality she has a beautiful smile and killer cheekbones but she can't see anything attractive about her own appearance. This translates into her constantly being critical and resentful of me. She berates me and tries to shame me constantly for wearing makeup, even though I only wear lipstick and eyeliner. She also tries to convince me that I am not attractive to men because I am 38. According to her men just don't look at women who are over 35. It's like she is trying to do some kind of mind control on me because she keeps telling me how I won't be able to get a date or meet a life partner now that I am over 35. Even though in reality I get plenty of dates. Recently I told her I'd been on a first date with a guy I really like a lot. My other friends were excited for me and asking lots of questions about him. But this friend looked genuinely upset that I am feeling happy. Her comment was "it's early days yet. Does he realise how old you are? Men will usually only want a woman your age for casual sex then move onto somebody younger who can still bear children for them." Does it sound like this woman actually hates me?
Survivor12 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 It sounds more like she hates herself. 1
mrs rubble Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Sounds like she's jealous of you. You should tell her even the ugliest people, can have the most beautiful heart and that is all that matters to some people. Damn shame she's not even got that going on with her nasty comments. I hope you're not taking any of her B/S on board. Women these days are having babies at all ages and people of all ages get married- even Ms Sour could land a man if she had a good attitude!!
almond Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 That level of negativity is not something I can be around for very long. This woman is genuinely unhappy with herself, and it's sad that she is so consumed by it that she throws it on to others. I feel bad for her, but this sort of thing can be toxic - if it begins to have a negative impact on you, don't feel bad about distancing yourself from it.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 First of all, I am not even sure why you are referring to her as 'your friend'. She's obviously anything but. As the saying goes, "With friends like these....who needs enemies?" I'm sorry, but you've obviously shown a great deal of patience. Perhaps it's time to give back as good as you get. For example: Recently I told her I'd been on a first date with a guy I really like a lot. My other friends were excited for me and asking lots of questions about him. But this friend looked genuinely upset that I am feeling happy. Her comment was "it's early days yet. Does he realise how old you are? Men will usually only want a woman your age for casual sex then move onto somebody younger who can still bear children for them." Possible responses: "Well, you should know." or: "And there speaks the voice of experience...!" Or even - "So I take it you're still a virgin then?" These may be cruel, but I'm of the opinion they may be what's needed. She's a resentful, bitter verbal bully. And until you stand up to her, and give her a taste of her own medicine, I'm afraid she won't stop.
Donna1 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Can a friendship ever work when your friend resents you? I have a friend whose intelligence and work ethic I really admire. However, she is extremely resentful of me. I'm 38 and my friend (an ex colleague) is in her 60s. I'm considered attractive and my friend considers herself "ugly". She is very vocal about this. She is not "ugly" but she is overweight and not especially physically attractive. She says that as a young woman men never asked her out on dates and that family members even berated her for being "ugly." In reality she has a beautiful smile and killer cheekbones but she can't see anything attractive about her own appearance. This translates into her constantly being critical and resentful of me. She berates me and tries to shame me constantly for wearing makeup, even though I only wear lipstick and eyeliner. She also tries to convince me that I am not attractive to men because I am 38. According to her men just don't look at women who are over 35. It's like she is trying to do some kind of mind control on me because she keeps telling me how I won't be able to get a date or meet a life partner now that I am over 35. Even though in reality I get plenty of dates. Recently I told her I'd been on a first date with a guy I really like a lot. My other friends were excited for me and asking lots of questions about him. But this friend looked genuinely upset that I am feeling happy. Her comment was "it's early days yet. Does he realise how old you are? Men will usually only want a woman your age for casual sex then move onto somebody younger who can still bear children for them." Does it sound like this woman actually hates me? I think it's just a women's envy. She is jealous of your success. jealous that you look better than she.
Recommended Posts