Siquijor Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 So lets say the woman worked as a prostitute for as many days as the man spent with prostitutes. Then it's all good? It's probably more of an equal comparison than previously but there's still a difference. You got to understand I'm male so I'm taking this from a man's perspective. It's not just about sex here and sleeping with tons of different people, it's mostly about a prostitute valuing money before her own self-respect and if she can't respect herself she's most likely not going to respect a partner. I could go on. And for what it's worth I can understand a woman who wouldn't be happy with a guy who used prostitutes.
road Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Man has women throwing themselves at him and he is paying for sex. Why? Is it they are two baggers, their so bad that he needs a bag incase the one on her head falls off? Is it they are from the Lee family, Beast, Ghast, and their cousin Home? Is it that they pegged the scale, not the 1 to a 10 scale but the 300 lb scale? I was not a chick magnet growing up, during my prime, or now. Though the whole point of a FWB was that there is no hassles. Does not make sense to me.
Els Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 It's probably more of an equal comparison than previously but there's still a difference. You got to understand I'm male so I'm taking this from a man's perspective. It's not just about sex here and sleeping with tons of different people, it's mostly about a prostitute valuing money before her own self-respect and if she can't respect herself she's most likely not going to respect a partner. I could go on. No, I still don't agree. If we go by the logic that a prostitute is 'valuing money before her own self-respect', then surely a john is 'valuing sex before his own self-respect', yes? One being not okay makes the other one not okay, and vice versa. Also, how about a woman who has visited escorts vs a male gigolo? Is he intrinsically 'worse' just because he's the seller and she's the buyer? 3
ManyDissapoint Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 So with whom are women having sex? Anyway, it's not about condescension for me. It's about answering OP's question, with specific reasons, as requested. It's fine to disagree with me. You therefore didn't need to add a disclaimer; I don't give a toss if you've used a hooker or not. That's your choice, just as its mine to not engage in a relationship with a man who has a history of paying for sex. Which is, after all, what OP was asking in the first place. Nothing in this world makes sense if people are not held accountable for their actions, and unless we recognize that it takes free will, and a strong will in order to succeed in this world. I'm pretty sure that women don't date night time janitors and burger flippers even though they have a sob story about how they really need the money. I personally do not like to see the victim narrative expand more than it already has. This is not to say that I don't disagree with your choice to not date a man who has sex for money. It's completely distasteful. However, if the demands for prostitution dried up overnight and men all became shining angels of righteousness, you can bet that prostitutes would be pretty upset about that. Fortunately for them, they have good job security as proven by 8000 years of history since people starting forming civilizations.
ManyDissapoint Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I actually had a friend that went to Vegas every weekend as an escort to pay for university I don't buy this. I took loans out to pay for my expensive university education and broke my back doing hard manual labor for good wages during the summers and christmas break to pay for it. This was at a cement plant which incidentally would have hired any woman who wanted to work there, because they were constantly trying to get more women into the work force because of quotas. Why would you have that on your permanent record? Working as a hooker just for some short term benefit? This is not to say that it is absolutely possible that in some places there is literally no other choice but to do that profession (or some other profession). This forum is mostly composed of people in the top 90% of wealthy people in the world (aka westerners) trying to talk about a world that they have no idea about which is REAL dire circumstances. 1
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I thought this thread was about asking women if they would date someone who was perfect, but visited a prostitute one time. This thread has gone off the rails. 3
Siquijor Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 No, I still don't agree. If we go by the logic that a prostitute is 'valuing money before her own self-respect', then surely a john is 'valuing sex before his own self-respect', yes? One being not okay makes the other one not okay, and vice versa. Also, how about a woman who has visited escorts vs a male gigolo? Is he intrinsically 'worse' just because he's the seller and she's the buyer? I sense from your comments in this thread past and present that this is more of a personal gender issue than anything else. It just sounds like you're justifying what a prostitute does by passing the buck onto a man. If she isn't forced into prostitution then it's HER CHOICE 100%. She therefore cannot blame other people for a decision she made solely by herself can she?
love1336x Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 At one time in his life, he indulged in the services of a profesional escort? Let's say you have a guy who stayed away from one night stands. He knows he is really attractive, women seem to be drawn to him, yet he is human and has needs. He is not a heartbreaker so his solution for purley sexual needs is to pay for it. He does not go out and have FWB because it is messy and time consuming, and conflicts with other interests in life. Would you still date a guy who just droped this bomb on you? Why or why not?(please be specific if possible) Eh, why not? in a sense any woman who had a man paid her dinner, or whatever type of date and then has sex with him is preforming a service. The escort is simply cutting out the date, and just giving the sex. What's wrong with that? Everyone has to work. I feel people who judged other so harshly are in the closet and don't know the real world. Don't judge. 1
love1336x Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I don't buy this. I took loans out to pay for my expensive university education and broke my back doing hard manual labor for good wages during the summers and christmas break to pay for it. This was at a cement plant which incidentally would have hired any woman who wanted to work there, because they were constantly trying to get more women into the work force because of quotas. Congrats! HOWEVER THAT'S YOU! You cannot judge people BASE on what YOU do, It's there life, NOT YOURS. IF somebody wants to make money laying on their backs, who are you to SAY they can't? seriously. Who are they hurting? If they are clean about it, and wear condoms why not? What's the different between a girl who in college sleeping around experimenting with her body v. a woman who sleeping with men for money, yet paying off her college tuition or whatever she needs the money for? NOTHING.
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I am REALLY against prostitution for many reasons that I won't go into detail on here... I COULD let it go but ONLY if I could be sure that my partner would never turn to prostitution again. If it was someone I was newly dating, I would probably end it there. If I found out into the relationship, I would consider letting it go but honestly it really clashes with my values and expectations.
h0000 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 What's the different between a girl who in college sleeping around experimenting with her body v. a woman who sleeping with men for money, yet paying off her college tuition or whatever she needs the money for? NOTHING. Agreed. Not much different. They are both low 1
lino Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I always thought 'the past is the past, no one's business but yours'... Or does that only apply to promiscuous women who don't have to tell their partners about all the guys they slept with? Is there really much a difference between a prostitute who has slept with 100 guys vs a promiscuous woman who has slept with 100 guys which some on here defend so adamantly? Is the issue that a prostitute is getting paid and this creates jealousy amoung promiscuous women who simply sleep around for free? Also, would a woman who slept with one of the many players who bed hundreds of women be judged as harshly? Or is it ok there because said players aren't being paid? If said players were charging money would a woman who sleeps with such types (and there are many, lets not deny this) be judged with as much scorn? If not, why not?
ManyDissapoint Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I don't buy this. I took loans out to pay for my expensive university education and broke my back doing hard manual labor for good wages during the summers and christmas break to pay for it. This was at a cement plant which incidentally would have hired any woman who wanted to work there, because they were constantly trying to get more women into the work force because of quotas. Congrats! HOWEVER THAT'S YOU! You cannot judge people BASE on what YOU do, It's there life, NOT YOURS. IF somebody wants to make money laying on their backs, who are you to SAY they can't? seriously. Who are they hurting? If they are clean about it, and wear condoms why not? What's the different between a girl who in college sleeping around experimenting with her body v. a woman who sleeping with men for money, yet paying off her college tuition or whatever she needs the money for? NOTHING. You misunderstand. I have no problem with this at all. It's everyone's choice what they want to do for work, and with their bodies and all the consequences that come with it. What I have a problem with is the sob story that comes along with it.
Els Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I sense from your comments in this thread past and present that this is more of a personal gender issue than anything else. It just sounds like you're justifying what a prostitute does by passing the buck onto a man. If she isn't forced into prostitution then it's HER CHOICE 100%. She therefore cannot blame other people for a decision she made solely by herself can she? What?? How is saying that the john and prostitute are both equally culpable (if there is any culpability to be had) 'passing the buck onto the man'? I have never been a prostitute (again, ) and probably never will. I have zero personal stakes in this, simply pointing out a logical fact. It sounds to ME like you are trying to justify your encounter with prostitutes by trying to paint yourself as the victim 'who had no choice' whereas the prostitute had '100% choice' in what she did. Sorry to break this to you, but both of you made choices. And with choices come potential judgements from people who disagree with those choices. You can't decry our judgement of johns while simultaneously saying that prostitutes 'have no self respect'. That is hypocrisy to its fullest extent.
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I always thought 'the past is the past, no one's business but yours'... Or does that only apply to promiscuous women who don't have to tell their partners about all the guys they slept with? Is there really much a difference between a prostitute who has slept with 100 guys vs a promiscuous woman who has slept with 100 guys which some on here defend so adamantly? Yes it is completely different. A women who slept with 100 guys is just like ... a guy who slept with 100 women. That has nothing to do with participating in a commercial transaction where sex is the product. OP if I loved the guy alot I would forgive and leave that in the past, as long as the guy had ALREADY decided for himself that he was not okay with using sex and women as a commodity that he could buy. I am in favor of adult people being able to choose to buy & sell sex, but I personally would never want to be close to a man who views women and sexuality in that way.
Els Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I thought this thread was about asking women if they would date someone who was perfect, but visited a prostitute one time. This thread has gone off the rails. The OP later clarified that his actual question was whether he should tell the woman about his past or not.
Author SmartDude Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 The OP later clarified that his actual question was whether he should tell the woman about his past or not. Indeed that was this was all about. Honestly I don't know If I ever can now. It is a tough call. I would like to be forthcoming and honest. But sex is such a sensitive issue when it does not have to be. People uproot entire families just because one of the partners had sex with someone else. I think at the root of this is the issue of "recreational sex" vs. "relationship sex". There are woman (and men) who truly belive that you can not have both. There is also the false belief that non-commited must always be devoid of all feelings. So untrue!
Els Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Indeed that was this was all about. Honestly I don't know If I ever can now. It is a tough call. I would like to be forthcoming and honest. But sex is such a sensitive issue when it does not have to be. People uproot entire families just because one of the partners had sex with someone else. I think at the root of this is the issue of "recreational sex" vs. "relationship sex". There are woman (and men) who truly belive that you can not have both. There is also the false belief that non-commited must always be devoid of all feelings. So untrue! Be honest. Like I said before, as you aren't judgmental towards a woman with a similar past, I don't think it would be too difficult for you to find compatible women who don't mind. It really is just about compatibility. 1
Siquijor Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 What?? How is saying that the john and prostitute are both equally culpable (if there is any culpability to be had) 'passing the buck onto the man'? I have never been a prostitute (again, ) and probably never will. I have zero personal stakes in this, simply pointing out a logical fact. It sounds to ME like you are trying to justify your encounter with prostitutes by trying to paint yourself as the victim 'who had no choice' whereas the prostitute had '100% choice' in what she did. Sorry to break this to you, but both of you made choices. And with choices come potential judgements from people who disagree with those choices. You can't decry our judgement of johns while simultaneously saying that prostitutes 'have no self respect'. That is hypocrisy to its fullest extent. There you go again, pointing the finger. Yawn. I take it you've got evidence to back up that statement about me seeing prostitutes? You haven't have you? That's because I never have! You just concocted it to reinforcement the argument you're about to lose. As for a john having self-respect? In a sexual sense, perhaps not, but at least he's got some. How? Unlike a prostitute he's prepared to do an honest days living. Maybe at long last you can see the difference between the two, although I won't hold my breath. Amen.
Els Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 There you go again, pointing the finger. Yawn. I take it you've got evidence to back up that statement about me seeing prostitutes? You haven't have you? That's because I never have! You just concocted it to reinforcement the argument you're about to lose. As for a john having self-respect? In a sexual sense, perhaps not, but at least he's got some. How? Unlike a prostitute he's prepared to do an honest days living. Maybe at long last you can see the difference between the two, although I won't hold my breath. Amen. "Never argue with an idiot - they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." You're beating around the bush, and I have no desire to go around it with you. I quoted you because you said the OP should just not tell and the women should be okay with it, as 'we all have skeletons in our closet'. But later on you let it show quite clearly that YOU find some skeletons to be okay and some not. I find this quite hypocritical, but this thread isn't about you. That is precisely why the OP should be honest. With the information, the woman can decide whether she is okay with this particular skeleton or not - which is entirely her prerogative. You wouldn't want a woman to lie to you if she had been a prostitute or seen a gigolo. So don't do the same to others and don't encourage others to do that.
Hopeful30 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Well, the thing is...if he's attractive why does he need to hire an escort? Surely an attractive guy can get laid without having to pay for it. Especially if he has "needs". I won't lie, I would be slightly put off, but then again, that's his past. If he isn't the same man today than he was before, then I don't care about the escort, cuz that's not who he is. And who he IS is what I want, not who he WAS. I'm capable of letting a lot of things slide if I can see he is a genuine man who will be good to me. I'm sure there are things in my past that would make some men think twice too. I wouldn't want to be judged by that. I'm not that person anymore.
smackie9 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 The OP later clarified that his actual question was whether he should tell the woman about his past or not. OK so what do you all think he should do? IMO he should just shut his face. The majority (not all) of women that have posted on here have have stated they would walk. I think that is all the OP needs to hear, instead of all this jibberjabber.
katiegrl Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) It's probably more of an equal comparison than previously but there's still a difference. You got to understand I'm male so I'm taking this from a man's perspective. It's not just about sex here and sleeping with tons of different people, it's mostly about a prostitute valuing money before her own self-respect and if she can't respect herself she's most likely not going to respect a partner. I could go on. ***And for what it's worth I can understand a woman who wouldn't be happy with a guy who used prostitutes****. Quote in asterisk -- I would like to remind everyone the question the OP asked the women, in his original post .... is if she would date a guy "who at ONE time in his life, engaged the services of a professional escort." Not multiple escorts on a regular basis, but one escort at one time in his life... For me, yes if that was the only issue and everything else clicked, while knowing that might give me pause for a moment, I would still date him.... Franky though, not sure why this should even be mentioned. If he had an addiction or regularly engaged, then of course, disclose it. But a one time thing? No need to disclose that IMO.... I am sure most of us have done things in our past (once or twice) we're not particularly proud of. Unless, what we have done once or even twice has a direct bearing on what is happening in the present ...keep it to yourself...it has no relevance IMO. Edited September 25, 2015 by katiegrl 1
EveAFlame Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I have dated a man who regularly saw escorts/prostitutes, strip clubs, and massage parlor. Never again. I am glad he was honest, have told him that repeatedly. We are still friendly but I would NEVER date him again. Or any other man who REGULARLY saw them.* * a few youthful indiscretions wouldn't turn me off but beyond that, we wouldn't gel sexually. 1
Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Quote in asterisk -- I would like to remind everyone the question the OP asked the women, in his original post .... is if she would date a guy "who at ONE time in his life, engaged the services of a professional escort." Not multiple escorts on a regular basis, but one escort at one time in his life... I'm pretty sure the OP only said 'at one time in his life', which just means that all the escort visits happened during a particular phase in life. There was no mention of 'one escort' or 'one visit', and AFAIK if the OP is talking about himself there have been multiple visits to multiple escorts involved. OK so what do you all think he should do? Many of us have answered before you did. IMO he should just shut his face. The majority (not all) of women that have posted on here have have stated they would walk. I think that is all the OP needs to hear, instead of all this jibberjabber. Why is any opinion besides yours 'jibberjabber'?
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