losangelena Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Thank you Elswyth, I think this post sums up my concerns on this issue. To tell or not to tell! It probabbly does not make that much sense to reveal this information right away or at all in a dating situation. But there might be that time when a woman wants to know about my past, and what made me who I am today. It is interesting that for some women it is an absolute deal breaker, and others do not mind as much. And before anyone asks: "Would you date an escort?", yes I already have. It did not work out. So why are you asking, exactly? I'm guessing that you are seeing someone and are thinking that eventually you may need to reveal this information. I have not honestly thought about it too much. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. I find there's something a bit skeezy about hiring an escort or being with a prostitute, but I think there's a difference in having made a habit out of it, and doing it once and then being like, "never mind." I mean, I tried a ONS out once, didn't enjoy it, and probably wouldn't do it again. If I ever date a guy who wouldn't want to be with a woman who's done ONSs, I'd understand, but hopefully he'd see that it wasn't habitual on my part. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
autumnnight Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 It would depend on how long it had been and what he thinks about it now.
craw Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Interesting question. Never thought about this. I guess it depends where - like someone said, if its Supporting human trafficking. How does one even determine that? Maybe he was feeling lonely or He's into some kinky stuff. If it was Thailand... Definitely a deal breaker. 1
Lovelorn00 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 This whole thread is super depressing.
Author SmartDude Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 So why are you asking, exactly? I'm guessing that you are seeing someone and are thinking that eventually you may need to reveal this information. That is a very good guess! But no, I am not seeing anyone in the context of building a commited relationship right now. I am curious to see the reasons woman are against, for, or neutral about guys who have seen profesionals. The specific reasons women have for not being not attracted to this type of activity also interests me.
BlueIris Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me at all. While I do object to the sex industry as it is run and has historically been run, I don’t see anything inherently immoral about someone, male or female, paying for sex as a direct agreement, a one-to-one exchange. There are far too many shades of grey in the continuum of "dating" and who’s paying for what to draw bright lines on these issues. In other words, there are plenty of women and men who pay to play in many less direct ways for them to claim a moral high ground. Also, I don’t see anything more honorable or moral about picking people up in bars and having sex in the parking lot, or being dishonest or evasive about feelings and intentions in order to keep having sex with someone. At an individual interpersonal level I consider that far more dishonest and exploitative, and that is rampant. For me, the immorality of the sex industry is in pimping, sex trafficking and the exploitation of sex workers by 3rd parties- who manipulate them and take their money. In my opinion, the issue is the money and who gets it or takes it, not the sex. Edited September 23, 2015 by BlueIris 2
Vintage79 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 This is a very condescending attitude. Many prostitutes and many escorts (if not most) do it by their own decision. Furthermore sex is not 'readily available' to men like it is to women. Talk about projection. EDIT: And I have never been nor ever will be with a prostitute, since I'm sure you think I'm trying to justify my own behavior. Ummm - sex is just as readily available to men as it is to women, unless there is some kind of crazy lesbian sex ring that I don't know about. If you're talking about hetero-sex, then there is a guy and a girl - it sounds to me like availability is relatively similar. Sure, you can make the argument that there are slightly more men than women, but at that point, you're really starting to split hairs. The biggest difference is that guys seem to complain about lack of sex, whereas women don't (at least as much). 1
Toodaloo Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I am curious to see the reasons woman are against, for, or neutral about guys who have seen profesionals. The specific reasons women have for not being not attracted to this type of activity also interests me. 1. Pro's are just that pro. Most of us are just enthusiastic armatures not porn stars or actresses. 2. Unlike the pros we have to put up with you when you vomit and have stomach upsets. We have to put up with your really annoying habits that the pro doesn't even know about yet we still have to "perform"... 3. The old niggle of if he can be so callous to pay for it is he actually capable of love? 4. If he had to pay for it what did all those other women see that I missed - should I run? 5. STD's The list is long, I can continue and I am just someone who was shrugging their shoulders at the whole thing... Its not rocket science. How would you feel if the woman you were with paid some bloke to sleep with her?
Author SmartDude Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 How would you feel if the woman you were with paid some bloke to sleep with her? Oh damn, that would be a dream come true. I would love to meet such a sexually open minded women who was willing to experiment with males escorts. Wrong question! lol
RecentChange Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Like some others - I am not sure why it would come up / be told.... But I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I easily seperate emotion from sex, do not have a problem with (and have enjoyed) ONS.. And personally I do not find FWB situations particularly messy or difficult...(its all about communication ) So no, not a deal breaker for me at all... The paying for it part is a little weird to me, but I guess I could understand finding a good FWB could be difficult for a guy (easy for a girl who has a mind set for it).
StocksnBlondes Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Being single without the availability of an intimate partner is very difficult ...I'm there now after being divorced about a year. I go without if I'm not dating someone and have a high sex drive ...it's not easy. I would expect the guy I'm interested in to be as "conservative" ....because I'd be worried about diseases from escorts. Condoms are not 100% ...my vote is hold off for the real thing. I think people are way too picky about dating these days ... If you're attractive it can't be that difficult to find someone compatible.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 If you're attractive it can't be that difficult to find someone compatible. I have to disagree with this, I consider myself attractive, but dating is hit or miss. 2
StocksnBlondes Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Hey Dr R Yes I'll agree ...maybe it's your demographic/dating pool. I'm female and about 50 ...I am selective about who I go on a date with ... With the experience of a little over a year of dating I will go on about 7-8 dates and find someone compatible that I'd consider LTR material ... Wanting to stay on topic ...I'd still wait for the right time and it is really difficult to hold off ...I usually get around to asking how long it's been for the guy ...if we're both interested in each other ...how long it's been just to verify if we have the same values. Important to me.
StocksnBlondes Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 That is a very good guess! But no, I am not seeing anyone in the context of building a commited relationship right now. I am curious to see the reasons woman are against, for, or neutral about guys who have seen profesionals. The specific reasons women have for not being not attracted to this type of activity also interests me. The reasons I'm not attracted as I've stated is the health risks ...just not worth it. I also prefer someone who believes as I do that activity has an emotional component and if a guy I'm dating doesn't feel that way, what's to stop him from having a little fun on the side in a committed relationship with me ...I consider it callous behavior. My ex saw nothing wrong with going to a stripper bar (and watching porn) ...he didn't go often but he cared more for his own feelings. 2 years ago he went on a cruise with our kids as I was finishing my med school studies and met someone ...he's still with her now. The behavior and value system can carry over ...
Siquijor Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Really, you two? So if a woman has been a prostitute in the past, you have no business knowing that and no right to choose not to date her because of it? I mean, 'don't ask, don't tell', right? And I'm pretty sure most guys wouldn't ask a woman if she's ever been a prostitute... Some of the double standards here are astounding. Hardly a fair comparison is it? There's a major difference between a woman who chooses a career as a prostitute than a guy who goes with one for a solitary night. One's a far bigger issue than the other. It's a bit like comparing a seasoned alcoholic to someone who had too much to drink for their 21st birthday party. 1
pteromom Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Yes, it would be a dealbreaker, and there was one time I actually broke it off with a guy who confessed this to me. Not because it is illegal, or exploitative, or anything like that. Simply because it would tell me something about his values. Either he needs sex to the point where he is going to sell his own integrity out to get it, OR his values say it is perfectly ok to just pay a woman to use her body. Neither is ok for someone I am in a relationship with. BUT - I don't care what other people do, and even believe prostitution should be legalized and regulated. I also wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who drinks a lot, smokes pot, or is bisexual. Doesn't mean I care what others do if it makes them happy.
pteromom Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Hardly a fair comparison is it? There's a major difference between a woman who chooses a career as a prostitute than a guy who goes with one for a solitary night. One's a far bigger issue than the other. Not really. Both parties hold a belief that sex is a commodity. Anyone who disagrees with that idea would have a problem with either a prostitute or someone who has seen one. 2
pteromom Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Oh damn, that would be a dream come true. I would love to meet such a sexually open minded women who was willing to experiment with males escorts. Wrong question! lol Well - then asking this question of a broad group of people is a little pointless. Most people aren't like you. You are looking for a very specific type of woman, and actually WANT to weed out those who wouldn't date you if you had seen a prostitute. Don't try to attract everyone. Be honest about who you are and look for the woman you want! If you are looking for someone very sexual and experimental, stay off the basic dating sites and look at the fetish and sex community sites. You'll find someone!
Ruby Slippers Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No I would not date them because it's against my own personal values, simple as that. If paying for sex is OK with you, then that's fine with me I'm not going to push my values on you, have at'er. It only matters to me if I have involvement with you, whether it's a relationship or friendship. I feel the same way. I couldn't do it, because it's just too far from my own values. And if were a man, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to stomach having a romantic relationship with a former prostitute. Buying and selling sexual services violates my personal moral and ethical code. Trust me, my life could be a lot easier and I could have a lot more money in the bank if I were OK with selling my body. But it feels like that would be a major betrayal of my very soul. I'm not actively judging or crusading against hookers & johns, but I don't want to meld my life and spirit with one. I imagine that a woman who has sold her body in a sexual context would have less of a problem having a relationship with someone who had paid for sexual services in the past. 3
Siquijor Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Not really. Both parties hold a belief that sex is a commodity. I'd agree with that statement if a guy had been with a prostitute multiple times, but once? I'm not so sure. I think it would be harsh to judge a person on a single occasion. 2
Krieger Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I don't care. I feel a measure of sympathy for single guys. Being a guy, can be tough. yep woman have it easy vs men . 1
Heer Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone. Personally, I would be really shocked if my bf went to escorts or used prostitutes, but I guess its kinda "normal". Its one of those things where a lot of guys do it, but we don't really talk about it or ask. I actually had a friend that went to Vegas every weekend as an escort to pay for university when I was living back in SoCal. She eventually quit after 6 months because one of her clients hit her. It was very hard on her and she went to a therapist but in the end, she turned out ok and got a job at the library. I was actually tempted to go with her to Vegas for some time but I think she was quite attractive and even if I wanted to, I don't think anyone would've hired me:laugh::laugh: But seriously, please sympathize with sex workers because some really are doing it because of dire circumstances, even though I would NEVER recommend someone to do that. Edited September 23, 2015 by Heer
Author SmartDude Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 But seriously, please sympathize with sex workers because some really are doing it because of dire circumstances, even though I would NEVER recommend someone to do that. You win the grand prize. Thank you for that statement. I think more people need to do this. Gays used to be shamed in society. But somehow it is still ok to shame a sex worker? That is not right. 2
Els Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Hardly a fair comparison is it? There's a major difference between a woman who chooses a career as a prostitute than a guy who goes with one for a solitary night. One's a far bigger issue than the other. It's a bit like comparing a seasoned alcoholic to someone who had too much to drink for their 21st birthday party. So lets say the woman worked as a prostitute for as many days as the man spent with prostitutes. Then it's all good? Thank you Elswyth, I think this post sums up my concerns on this issue. To tell or not to tell! It probabbly does not make that much sense to reveal this information right away or at all in a dating situation. But there might be that time when a woman wants to know about my past, and what made me who I am today. It is interesting that for some women it is an absolute deal breaker, and others do not mind as much. And before anyone asks: "Would you date an escort?", yes I already have. It did not work out. I think you should be honest about it. Some women will consider it a dealbreaker and some won't. If you have no problems dating a woman who sold sex in the past, I don't think you will have much problem finding a woman who is okay with it. 3
IronZ Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 No, I would not continue to date a man who had hired a prostitute. Aside from the fact that it is illegal in many areas, many women in the sex service industry often there by coercion or poor life circumstances and I feel this is exploitation. I also cannot fathom why one would need to pay for these services when sex is readily available otherwise. No offense but you're living in a very black and white world up there in your head. You're talking about the industry and coercion as if this guy personally sold sex slaves and is responsible for all the wrong things in the world. Could it be possible that he was maybe just a very lonely guy during a low period in his life and needed some company? How about putting aside the judgmental attitude for a moment. Also, where is sex readily available, if you don't mind me asking? You think all dates end in sex or something? 1
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