SmartDude Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 At one time in his life, he indulged in the services of a profesional escort? Let's say you have a guy who stayed away from one night stands. He knows he is really attractive, women seem to be drawn to him, yet he is human and has needs. He is not a heartbreaker so his solution for purley sexual needs is to pay for it. He does not go out and have FWB because it is messy and time consuming, and conflicts with other interests in life. Would you still date a guy who just droped this bomb on you? Why or why not?(please be specific if possible) 1
Els Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 There is no such thing as a perfect person, regardless of escort visits or not. 11
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No, I would not continue to date a man who had hired a prostitute. Aside from the fact that it is illegal in many areas, many women in the sex service industry often there by coercion or poor life circumstances and I feel this is exploitation. I also cannot fathom why one would need to pay for these services when sex is readily available otherwise. 5
Buddhist Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I could not care less and find it hard to imagine any conversation in which this topic would come up. Would I prefer to date someone who had sex with a prostitute or sex by duping other women into thinking they are in a relationship? Hmmm....tough call there. One implies some level of honesty while the other is completely devoid of it. Sadly many men fall into the latter and think that's somehow attractive. 3
casey.lives Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I don't care. I feel a measure of sympathy for single guys. Being a guy, can be tough.
Author SmartDude Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 No, I would not continue to date a man who had hired a prostitute. Aside from the fact that it is illegal in many areas, many women in the sex service industry often there by coercion or poor life circumstances and I feel this is exploitation. I also cannot fathom why one would need to pay for these services when sex is readily available otherwise. Ya, I wouldn't date you either lol. Illegal? jeez who cares as long as there is no harm done. Most people including myself are aginst sex trafficing. That is not what this is about. I am not talking about street walking, pimped out women on drugs. And why would a guy pay when its readily availible? Duh...its so he can have sex without complications. There are plenty of these types of complications in the "readily availible" world of sex, no thank you. 2
Omei Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Idk id feel weird knowing and kinda pissed off he would feel the need to state that because if you start dating why on earth would that information be of any use. 1
Els Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Ya, I wouldn't date you either lol. Illegal? jeez who cares as long as there is no harm done. Most people including myself are aginst sex trafficing. That is not what this is about. I am not talking about street walking, pimped out women on drugs. And why would a guy pay when its readily availible? Duh...its so he can have sex without complications. There are plenty of these types of complications in the "readily availible" world of sex, no thank you. Are you actually trying to get opinions on whether or not women would date such a guy, or are you just trying to push your own opinions on prostitution? 7
ManyDissapoint Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No, I would not continue to date a man who had hired a prostitute. Aside from the fact that it is illegal in many areas, many women in the sex service industry often there by coercion or poor life circumstances and I feel this is exploitation. I also cannot fathom why one would need to pay for these services when sex is readily available otherwise. This is a very condescending attitude. Many prostitutes and many escorts (if not most) do it by their own decision. Furthermore sex is not 'readily available' to men like it is to women. Talk about projection. EDIT: And I have never been nor ever will be with a prostitute, since I'm sure you think I'm trying to justify my own behavior. 2
Els Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) This is a very condescending attitude. Many prostitutes and many escorts (if not most) do it by their own decision. "Their own decision" and "poor life circumstances" are not in any way mutually exclusive. In developed countries where prostitution is legal and regulated, most prostitutes are consensual, yes, but in the majority of cases they are still there because they desperately need the money. I don't necessarily view this as exploitation (since the majority of miners, janitors, etc don't enjoy their jobs and are doing what they do because they desperately need the money too), but it isn't exactly a rosy picture of girls lovin' what they do either. And don't even get me started on prostitution in places like Thailand. The majority of those are not consensual, or even of age to consent. Anyway, to answer the OP's question, I would probably not, simply because such a person would probably not be compatible with me. It's really a case-by-case thing though. Edited September 23, 2015 by Elswyth 5
Siquijor Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Why would you tell her this? There's no need to. Everyone's got skeletons in their closet and if we all admitted them to potential partners I'd imagine there would be zillions of single people out there. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No not at all. I know five guys well who've used the services of sex workers in the past, including three exes of mine. One did it fairly regularly (a few times per year over many years) and used it to get his fetish kicks when he wasn't in a relationship. The other did it once, in Amsterdam, hated it and swore never to do it again. The other got a happy ending massage once on holiday. It's more common than you think, but nobody talks about it. If someone was doing it regularly to this day it would put me off because of what it says about someone's willingness to engage in an industry that often exploits and trafficks women who have little other option (I'm pro legalisation however, so that people can do it more safely seeing as it's going to happen either way). But if someone used to do it in the past, it's no big deal I don't think. I'd appreciate the honesty and feel closer to him for telling me something raw and honest about himself.
Toodaloo Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Why pay or indulge if it is not what is making you happy. Apart from the above comments I also see the use of escorts as low in self control and esteem. But then we all have weak moments. Seriously, sex is not absolutely vital. But it is a wonderful thing between two people in the right circumstances. Simple answer. Your either comfortable or not with this. If you are not comfortable with it do not do it. Use your left hand instead. If your comfortable and the escort is there of her own free will and not because she is forced or hooked on drugs etc... why not. Also its probably best not to tell your future partners about it. Its also probably best to get yourself regularly checked and use condoms etc. To be honest I am shrugging my shoulders with this one. So you had sex with another person. Its not like that hasn't happened ever before is it...
scorpiogirl Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No. i live a life where things like prostitution is not something I could or would overlook. I think it's seedy and I want no part of it. I say this as someone whose boyfriend cheated with prostitutes. I lived a very different kind of life until then. 1
Disconnect Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No. It would be a dealbreaker for me, because it shows that he has no moral stance against using women as objects, he is capable of totally separating out sex from emotion/feelings, he has no concern for the harm that comes to these women by being in that profession, but only cares about getting his rocks off, and he's not all that concerned about his own sexual health. Can you imagine how appalling it is to have to have sex with anyone who arrives? Drunk or sober, dirty or clean, abusive or polite? Umpteen times a day? Whether you're ill or not? Not to mention the very real risk of violence from clients and pimps. No wonder many prostitutes take drugs - it's the only way they can put up with the awfulness of their lives. Most women can imagine this sort of life and that is why for most of them if a man goes with prostitutes it's a dealbreaker. Who would want to have dealings with a person who is so lacking in normal feelings and empathy that they can contemplate exploiting another human being in this way? And not just exploit them, but actually find it sexy? It's repellent to me. Plus, there are STDs that can be passed on even with condom use. 5
h0000 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 This is a very condescending attitude. Many prostitutes and many escorts (if not most) do it by their own decision. Hmmm yeah I guess personally I don't really have respects for escorts, prostitutes,strippers or porn stars. It's a choice for sure, and it's pretty low. I wouldn't date a man who used prostitutes, if he has to tell me that. I don't see how that's better than having sex with random girls. What you are doing is essentially the same.
Els Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 This is one of those "don't ask, don't tell" situations. I doubt many women would ever ask you about this, I know no one has ever asked me. So, just don't ever bring it up, and it won't ever become an issue. On the off chance a woman does happen to ask you about it, and she doesn't want to date you because of a night with an escort, then you probably wouldn't want to date her anyway. Why would you tell her this? There's no need to. Everyone's got skeletons in their closet and if we all admitted them to potential partners I'd imagine there would be zillions of single people out there. Really, you two? So if a woman has been a prostitute in the past, you have no business knowing that and no right to choose not to date her because of it? I mean, 'don't ask, don't tell', right? And I'm pretty sure most guys wouldn't ask a woman if she's ever been a prostitute... Some of the double standards here are astounding. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Ya, I wouldn't date you either lol. Illegal? jeez who cares as long as there is no harm done. Most people including myself are aginst sex trafficing. That is not what this is about. I am not talking about street walking, pimped out women on drugs. And why would a guy pay when its readily availible? Duh...its so he can have sex without complications. There are plenty of these types of complications in the "readily availible" world of sex, no thank you. No problem. I'm not asking you to agree with my view. You asked for opinions, did you not? So I shared mine. We all have different preferences. Mine is not to continue seeing a man who used/uses the services of a prostitute, either from a street or an escort. But I will point out that if you believe that escorts and sex trafficking are never connected, I invite you to do a bit more research in that area. A book called "The Natashas" by Victor Malarek will provide you some excellent insight if you choose to dig a little deeper. 4
Maggie4 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 You asked if it's a deal breaker. So it's really a yes or no. For me, no, not a deal breaker.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 This is a very condescending attitude. Many prostitutes and many escorts (if not most) do it by their own decision. Furthermore sex is not 'readily available' to men like it is to women. Talk about projection. EDIT: And I have never been nor ever will be with a prostitute, since I'm sure you think I'm trying to justify my own behavior. So with whom are women having sex? Anyway, it's not about condescension for me. It's about answering OP's question, with specific reasons, as requested. It's fine to disagree with me. You therefore didn't need to add a disclaimer; I don't give a toss if you've used a hooker or not. That's your choice, just as its mine to not engage in a relationship with a man who has a history of paying for sex. Which is, after all, what OP was asking in the first place. 1
Author SmartDude Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 But I will point out that if you believe that escorts and sex trafficking are never connected, I invite you to do a bit more research in that area. A book called "The Natashas" by Victor Malarek will provide you some excellent insight if you choose to dig a little deeper. Research with a book? Is that not the very deffinition of "living in an ivory tower"? My experience comes first hand. I have made friends in this industry. I know exactly what happens at my local level. I have talked to many of these women and gotten the real perspective. And indeed the world's of sex traficking and indie escorts are connected. These two groups are at WAR with each other on a daily basis.
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No I would not date them because it's against my own personal values, simple as that. If paying for sex is OK with you, then that's fine with me I'm not going to push my values on you, have at'er. It only matters to me if I have involvement with you, whether it's a relationship or friendship. 1
RoseVille Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 No, I absolutely would not. And I would not deem him to be perfect in every other way if he'd engaged in this behavior. There would definitely be other flaws if he had done this.
Author SmartDude Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Really, you two? So if a woman has been a prostitute in the past, you have no business knowing that and no right to choose not to date her because of it? I mean, 'don't ask, don't tell', right? And I'm pretty sure most guys wouldn't ask a woman if she's ever been a prostitute... Some of the double standards here are astounding. Thank you Elswyth, I think this post sums up my concerns on this issue. To tell or not to tell! It probabbly does not make that much sense to reveal this information right away or at all in a dating situation. But there might be that time when a woman wants to know about my past, and what made me who I am today. It is interesting that for some women it is an absolute deal breaker, and others do not mind as much. And before anyone asks: "Would you date an escort?", yes I already have. It did not work out.
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 At one time in his life, he indulged in the services of a profesional escort? Would you still date a guy who just droped this bomb on you? Why or why not?(please be specific if possible) My DH is drop dead gorgeous. But given his military background & posting all over the world, when we 1st got together, I asked him about sex with professionals. It was a genuine concern. ONS I could have handled & didn't ask about. I had my fingers crossed that he'd say no. I was never sure what I would have done had he said yes. At a minimum, there would have been STD tests before we were intimate & I might very well have dropped him. The whole seediness, illegality of the transaction isn't something I want to deal with.
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