notmakingsense Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 So.... I'm currently in the middle of a break-up (or so it seems)... you can read my posts in "Breaking Up", "Coping", and elsewhere..... I've been spending a lot of time obsessively analyzing our relationship... what was right, what was wrong, etc. One topic I'd like to spend time on is the fact that, with this woman, I have had the most unbelieveable amount of chemistry -- certainly more than I've ever experienced before. She claims the same. We both were so turned on by eachother, and the sex was incredible. We just clicked, and, she's multi-orgasmic -- which totally fed my male ego! My question is... how much is chemistry worth in a relationship? Right now I'm feeling like I'll *never* be able to find a woman with whom I click so well... and I've dated quite a bit! I think that I'll probably be passing-over some really great gf candidates if I constantly am looking for a twin of that gorgeous woman who turned me on so much....
alphamale Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by notmakingsense My question is... how much is chemistry worth in a relationship? in a relationship with two people (or more, if that's your thing!) the chemistry piece is the most important and the most elusive. you cannot create it. it is either there or it is not. It is totally subjective and therefore quite rare. And since it is rare its value is very high.
Author notmakingsense Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Oh great. This last one is going to be hard to duplicate. The bar has been raised quite high. I don't know if I have the energy to do the amount of dating its going to take to find someone like her again....
Mz. Pixie Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 NMS- Although you guys had sexual chemistry she wasn't treating you like you wanted to be treated. Remember that part- instead of the fantastic sex- if you can.
Author notmakingsense Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Thanks again Mz Pizie -- yeah, I have to keep my mind off of that. It totally sets me back.
morrigan Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I agree that sexual chemistry is definitely the initial reason you pursue someone/get pursued. It fades out long term if both people don't have enough shared ideas or interests. I think that I'll probably be passing-over some really great gf candidates if I constantly am looking for a twin of that gorgeous woman who turned me on so much.... If all you're looking for is a surrogate for the ex, you are bound to be disappointed. I've met guys who physically resembled my bf and were nowhere near as attractive to me as he is. Chemistry is less about looks and more about personal quirks.
Author notmakingsense Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 If all you're looking for is a surrogate for the ex, you are bound to be disappointed. I've met guys who physically resembled my bf and were nowhere near as attractive to me as he is. Chemistry is less about looks and more about personal quirks. Point well taken Morrigan -- I guess I'm not really just talking about appearances, but the whole "chemistry package", including the quirks and how we got along in general. I still feel that its going to be really hard to match that.
morrigan Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Don't worry, it will happen again, just possibly with a girl who looks/acts nothing like your ex.
Merin Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I agree with Alpha that Chemistry is of high value.. While it is true that sexual chemistry can't sustain the relationship all on it's own as Alpha also pointed out it cannot be created.
Author notmakingsense Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Thanks everyone for your posts. I guess this is just me wallowing in self-pity over my impending break-up. It makes things even harder to deal with knowing what a great chemistry we had. I don't really need her to tell me why we are breaking up, I already know -- and the major bummer is that none of the reasons has anything to do with our chemistry or compatibility. What I'm getting out of this thread is that chemistry has a very high value. I will never compromise (or settle) just because of what is going on with me and my current situation
Jtizzle Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 yes indeed i agree with alpha as well...if chemistry had a price it would mos def be high and probaly only bill gates and the top ten folks would b able to afford it..but to me chemistry mentally/personality wise is a must with me..i love to laugh and make jokes and i need somebody to go to a very noisy place with me and have me laughin so hard they kick us out for bein TOO LOUD... as others above has stated..great chemistry cant be created, it has to come naturally
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