TyLongfellow Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Hey everyone, my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 7 weeks ago. It's been 31 days NC. Last week was my birthday, she texted me at 7:30 in the morning telling me Happy Birthday. I simply responded "thanks". The breakup was very painful for me, we were together 8 years. We are both 26. She broke up with me for another guy. A guy 20 years older. They have been together for about 2 months. I feel a lot of anger toward her for how dishonest she was and the emotional and possibly physically cheating. I do still care about her a lot. I am doing much better since. I don't know if I'd ever be able to give our relationship another go because of how it went down. But for some reason I really feel she acted on impulse and she is going to have regrets at some point. I would like to think we could talk about everything at some point, but I'm not expecting anything. My question is, do I send her a birthday text? Should I simply be short? I don't want to be a d*ck and not send anything since she did, but maybe she only did because she felt regret? Idk. Should I not send anything because it could give her an ego boost? My goal is just to have her reach out to me at some point to talk. But I don't want to look weak or desperate at all.
thejabberwocky Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 If you responded to her on your birthday, you already broke NC. NC means NO contact, not no contact unless it's their birthday. No you should not text her and you should start NC over and block her number. She LEFT YOU for another man, but you're worried about her being offended because you don't tell her happy birthday? Do you hear how that sounds? You are weak and desperate right now. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but this is where you are at. This is why you need to do NC, for real this time.
Sean Yaho Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) All up to you, I always break contact for good after a breakup. It's easier to move on that way,the only time o do end up contacting them is for closure or to apologize or what not. If contacting her has any chances of you regaining prior emotions towards her or thoughts of getting back together and not closure... I wouldn't contact her. But like you said she contacted you so it may be in your best interests to send her a short happy birthday. It's never a good thing to hold onto resentment towards an ex. Just have a plan for if she decides to start a conversation, remember why you broke up and use it as closure. You'd be shocked on how relieving it can feel to tell someone you forgive them and wish them luck. Edited September 23, 2015 by Sean Yaho Missread
SheleftmeforMichael Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I've been thinking about the same question as you as well. My ex's birthday is coming up in November. You'll find different chains of thought here on whether you should or you should not. There is no right or wrong path. Do what will work for you in which you benefit, not the other way around. I'm currently following the path of controlled "loose" contact with my ex (it took a long time to get to the point where I can do this and I initially had to do the NC first to be able to get there). I think the better questions to ask yourself is what are you gaining from even wishing her a happy birthday? What was the measure of effort she even took in wishing you a happy birthday when she did? Did she go out of her way to do it? Is what she did even warrant your effort in wishing her a happy birthday? For me...my ex and I (3 year relationship) broke up last December. My birthday came early in the beginning 2015 around Spring. Despite us not being together and ending our relationship on some very bad terms (I cheated on her, she found out, and she left me for another guy, I apologized and tried every way possible to get her back unsuccessfully = short story) My ex made it a point to call me and wish me a happy birthday, to take me out that day, share a birthday meal with me, spend the entire afternoon with me and even bought me gifts with attentiveness to things that I had mentioned to her in the past that I liked. At the time my mindset wasn't right. I still was trying to look for a way to get her back and I assume from her mindset that she was really trying hard to still be a friend to me. Fast forward to the present which has given me time to think about what she did with a more clearer mind, the fact remains that it did make me feel special and happy that day and I appreciated it very much and I won't forget she did that. She didn't have to do any of that (shoot, she was already with a new guy at that point) but she did and made the effort and went out of her way to do it. Those actions that she took are worthy enough for me to reach out to her and wish her a happy birthday. Now...I don't know if I'll do everything that she did and take her around town and what not, but the possibility of me calling her and wishing a happy birthday at the very least is likely. Now in reading over what you stated (and if I sound abrasive, i'm sorry, i'm just trying to give my opinion, nothing more) on what she did... She didn't send you a card, she didn't give you a call to wish you a happy birthday...she sent you a text. Think about that for a moment. Is that the best she could do? Surely...if your ex really cared about you and wanted to make you feel special, they'd show you more effort than just a text message. Is that message alone worthy enough or your time to reach out to her and wish her a happy birthday? Think about some of the questions I put forth and compare with my example. Only you can decide if reaching out to her is worthy of your time.
Blanco Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 You were devastated by the breakup. You still aren't over it. You still aren't over her. She is now with someone else. You still would entertain a relationship with her. All of the above are reasons to let the day pass as though it were just another day, because I can almost guarantee you that from now on, this date WILL just be another day.
Draper Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 My birthday is tomorrow, you will wish me a happy birthday instead of her. 3
dumbass2 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Don't wish her a happy birthday. It appears that she may have been seeing this guy before you broke up. She wished you a happy birthday because she feels guilty. You wish her a happy birthday and you are telling her it is ok that you are with this new guy that you were probably seeing while with me. Tell this to yourself and how does it sound? Don't send it because of how it went down. She doesn't love or care about you any more. Here actions tell you that. A little guilt, maybe, but see it for what it is now,,,over.
Author TyLongfellow Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Thanks for the replies. I decided I am not going to reach out. I really don't know what her reason for reaching out to me was. You are right, she probably could of did more if she cared. She is actually pretty crazy. Since she broke up with me, it's like she is living a totally different life. She portrays herself on FB as someone who is big into fitness. In reality, she doesn't workout and isn't athletic. She posts pictures of girls that look like her, but aren't, (doesn't show her face) doing handstands and other athletic movements. Makes me sick. She is all lies. I don't need people to tell me I'm desperate, 8 years is a long time, and I know it will hurt for awhile. It doesn't mean I'm trying to get her back. Happy birthday Draper lol, I saw on the other thread you and a couple others are going through a situation VERY similar to mine. Early on was the worst, but it does get easier. 1
Draper Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Yeah sounds like maybe she doesn't even know herself anymore, posting the fake bodies and pretending to be something she isn't. Thank you, seeing people who have been through the worst of it makes it a lot easier. I hope everything works out for you 1
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