For the ladies, don't know who the author is.

[Illusion24]

ConfusedinOC...

 

You make a lot of valid points. But everyone has their own way of dealing with heart breaks and emotions.

 

Alpha~ for example likes to bash woman as the enemy, so to speak. He's afraid like all of us are, he's just putting up a front because it's all he's got to survive this whole thing called love.

 

Pocky...isn't trying to bring you down. Just trying to make you realize you need to snap out of it already. We know you're hurt, we know you're ready but stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

(Please correct me if I'm wrong for the above statments but it's what I've observed)

 

You have a lot to offer a girl, I can see you also have a lot of passion for finding "The One" but that takes time. I've been running from my emotions too and it's not fun. It doesn't feel good to be insecure, hurt, betrayed, lied too...None of this s*** makes you want to get up in the morning but WE have too.

 

I'm happy to see you're trying your hardest to get over her. In my opinion you don't need therapy but do whatever helps you. Just be happy and you know what, you can't say your the ONLY guy who would give her what she wants. I gotta agree with Pocky, it's obvious you weren't if not you'll be together.

[Naive]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

ConfusedinOC...

 

You make a lot of valid points. But everyone has their own way of dealing with heart breaks and emotions.

 

Alpha~ for example likes to bash woman as the enemy, so to speak. He's afraid like all of us are, he's just putting up a front because it's all he's got to survive this whole thing called love.

 

Pocky...isn't trying to bring you down. Just trying to make you realize you need to snap out of it already. We know you're hurt, we know you're ready but stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

(Please correct me if I'm wrong for the above statments but it's what I've observed)

 

You have a lot to offer a girl, I can see you also have a lot of passion for finding "The One" but that takes time. I've been running from my emotions too and it's not fun. It doesn't feel good to be insecure, hurt, betrayed, lied too...None of this s*** makes you want to get up in the morning but WE have too.

 

I'm happy to see you're trying your hardest to get over her. In my opinion you don't need therapy but do whatever helps you. Just be happy and you know what, you can't say your the ONLY guy who would give her what she wants. I gotta agree with Pocky, it's obvious you weren't if not you'll be together.

 

 

That was very well said NSN!!!

[Illusion24]

That was very well said NSN!!!

 

Thank You..!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

ConfusedinOC...

 

You make a lot of valid points. But everyone has their own way of dealing with heart breaks and emotions.

 

Agreed, and I've said that several times. Everyone is different and to expect them to be "just like me/you/he/she/them" when dealing with emotional issues is unrealistic.

 

Alpha~ for example likes to bash woman as the enemy, so to speak. He's afraid like all of us are, he's just putting up a front because it's all he's got to survive this whole thing called love.

 

Bashing women is a sign of insecurity. And yes, I agree he's afraid.

 

Pocky...isn't trying to bring you down. Just trying to make you realize you need to snap out of it already. We know you're hurt, we know you're ready but stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

I know that and I know what I need. But hammering it at me and expecting me to move along at a pace that pleases Pocky or anyone else is also not realistic. She should make her point once, then move on.

 

(Please correct me if I'm wrong for the above statments but it's what I've observed)

 

You have a lot to offer a girl, I can see you also have a lot of passion for finding "The One" but that takes time. I've been running from my emotions too and it's not fun. It doesn't feel good to be insecure, hurt, betrayed, lied too...None of this s*** makes you want to get up in the morning but WE have too.

 

Thank you. I spent most of my adult life having a good time as a single, happy-go-lucky guy. When love finally hit me, I was READY for it. I just happened to fall in love with someone who wasn't in the same time and place I was. Had she been, she would have been much more receptive. I'm sure I'll find the right woman when I find the one who is looking for the same things I am.

 

I'm happy to see you're trying your hardest to get over her. In my opinion you don't need therapy but do whatever helps you. Just be happy and you know what, you can't say your the ONLY guy who would give her what she wants. I gotta agree with Pocky, it's obvious you weren't if not you'll be together.

 

If it's meant to be with her, so be it. The reason I opted for therapy is because I have never loved this deeply and never knew it could hurt this bad. The greater the love, the greater the pain when things don't work out. I understand that.

 

This relationship was an experience I needed in that it taught me to be MUCH more careful in who I select. I definitely need to be with someone who is on the same playing field as I.

 

Thanks for the reply.

[Pocky]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Pocky, you make a lot of assumptions but you're one of the people my Therapist described as someone who shouldn't be giving advice. Your bitterness is spilling all over.....

 

Maybe you should read what I wrote again. This part:

 

I can't wait for the day you meet someone else and it's wonderful and you realize how much time you wasted on pretending this relationship was so great when it really wasn't so great and now you really do have a relationship that's great.

 

I can't wait for the day you meet someone else and it's wonderful - yeah real bitter there. I'm actually hoping you find an amazing relationship soon so you realize that it can be wonderful with more than one person.

 

now you really do have a relationship that's great - another prime example of how bitter I am. Looking forward to the day when you have a great relationship.

 

I was being rather lighthearted with you - playful- telling you that the future is better than what you had. And the the smiley face and the little snap meant I was joking. By emphasizing the "snap" I was teasing that I was telling you to jump to it. I was making fun of my own approach in a playful manner. Stop taking everything so seriously.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Bashing women is a sign of insecurity. And yes, I agree he's afraid.

so is posting the same krap over and over and over and over and trying to monopolize other's time on LS. At least i don't do that.

 

And if you had a bit more of me in yourself your woman may still be around. BTW I have listend to Tom Lykus maybe twice in my life.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by alphamale

so is posting the same krap over and over and over and over and trying to monopolize other's time on LS. At least i don't do that.

 

You have the right to ignore the messages and people have the right to ignore my threads. By all means, skip my post if you aren't interested in what I have to say. Nobody is twisting your arm.

 

And if you had a bit more of me in yourself your woman may still be around. BTW I have listend to Tom Lykus maybe twice in my life.

 

I doubt it. We aren't nearly in the same places in our lives. I wanted the relationship to progress and she wanted to let it just kind of "flow." I wanted to get married, she doesn't want that considering she might have 5 more years of school.

 

And you and Lykis are separated at birth....

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Pocky

I can't wait for the day you meet someone else and it's wonderful - yeah real bitter there. I'm actually hoping you find an amazing relationship soon so you realize that it can be wonderful with more than one person.

 

now you really do have a relationship that's great - another prime example of how bitter I am. Looking forward to the day when you have a great relationship.

 

My apologies. Thank you for the kind words.

 

I was being rather lighthearted with you - playful- telling you that the future is better than what you had. And the the smiley face and the little snap meant I was joking. By emphasizing the "snap" I was teasing that I was telling you to jump to it. I was making fun of my own approach in a playful manner. Stop taking everything so seriously.

 

I'm in a serious depression right now. It's not something I can just "snap" out of. I gave everything I had with her and I am spent. Emotionally and physically and I need to recharge before I can get my life back in order.

 

I need a vacation!

[Pocky]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

My apologies. Thank you for the kind words.

 

Yeah - you better give me love. I was being nice!

 

I need a vacation!

Don't you run your own company? Go on one!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Pocky

Don't you run your own company? Go on one!

 

My Business Partner thinks I've been on a "mental" vacation from work for the past week and a half....and I probably have....

[whichwayisup]

I have been re-reading the NO CONTACT guides. Over and over.

I have learned that women DO want men like me. In fact, MOST do. The problem is I have placed my self worth based on someone who isn't NORMAL. Bad, Bad, Bad.

NO CONTACT is now back in full force. If I break it, I fully expect you guys to tear me a new one.

When I see the therapist on Thursday, I will ask for her more insight into how I can break her hold on me.

I am spending more time with friends.

I am working on putting a new band together to write original songs (I do a lot of Alice in Chains covers)

I am seeing my own self value.

 

I need to continue to work on "feeding my soul" and not letting her suck mine dry....

 

I really think you're doing OK. The grieving process is a huge thing with breakups, and the best way is to treat it like a death - That is what it feels like, except that person is still alive.

 

Hey, nice picture btw.

[ashley83]

hey....lay off OC...I have definitely benefited from his posts since my breakup. He's so encouraging and makes me feel that I'm not alone. He also really seems to have his head on straight. all he wants is a healthy relationship w/ someone without the games that soooo many people play! For that alone, he's a gem.....and there are tons of girls who'd give anything to be w/ a guy like that, myself included.

[ConfusedInOC]

I really think you're doing OK. The grieving process is a huge thing with breakups, and the best way is to treat it like a death - That is what it feels like, except that person is still alive.

 

Hey, nice picture btw.

 

Awwww, thanks. Some days are good, some bad. I haven't been able to sleep more than 4 hours a night so that is weighing on my system. My body does NOT like lack of sleep. So I am working on that.

 

hey....lay off OC...I have definitely benefited from his posts since my breakup. He's so encouraging and makes me feel that I'm not alone. He also really seems to have his head on straight. all he wants is a healthy relationship w/ someone without the games that soooo many people play! For that alone, he's a gem.....and there are tons of girls who'd give anything to be w/ a guy like that, myself included.

 

Thanks Ashley. All I ever wanted from the Ex is a happy, healthy relationship. I did everything imaginable to make her and I both happy. It's obvious she is not mature enough to handle a REAL relationship and I should be thanking her for breaking it off so I can find someone who does.

[whichwayisup]

Awwww, thanks. Some days are good, some bad. I haven't been able to sleep more than 4 hours a night so that is weighing on my system. My body does NOT like lack of sleep. So I am working on that.

 

Well, do as many catnaps as you can! Bum out on the couch, pull a blanket on ya and watch TV. That should get you cozy enough to doze off...........Works with me! Put on some nice music if you're not into watching TV. This way atleast your body is resting.

[Lil Honey]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Everything. She's just so different than anyone I've ever met. Like I said, the second I laid eyes on her my heart LEAPED. I knew, at least then, she was the one for me. Love at first sight.

 

First, unfortunately, there are people that we love - and will always love - who we just can't share our lives with. Sometimes it is us, sometimes it is them, sometimes it's just not meant to be.

 

Second, I understand what Pocky is saying, however, I understand that everyone has their own time frame to work in. What takes one person a month, may take another person a year. Dwelling on a lost love can make a person get "stuck" in a current mindset, never allowing them to move forward and I think Pocky wants more for you than that. (Please excuse my guesstimations, Pocky.) If you, CIOC, are like me, you need to wallow in the self-pity for a while and when you get damn tired of it, you will move ahead, but it needs to happen in your own time.

 

Third, I hope that a relationship has caused Alpha to see women and the world the way that he does, because then there would be hope that he might someday see past it and in a different light. I hope he wasn't born with such a negative view. I want to reiterate what someone else said . . . (most) mature women don't want what Alpha thinks all women want.

 

Lil Hon

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Well, do as many catnaps as you can! Bum out on the couch, pull a blanket on ya and watch TV. That should get you cozy enough to doze off...........Works with me! Put on some nice music if you're not into watching TV. This way atleast your body is resting.

 

It's the anxiety that is keeping me awake. Even last night, when I was dog tired of not sleeping for 3+ days longer than 3 hours. I took 2 tylenol PM and passed out at 9:30 at night. Woke up at 2:30 am and did not go back to sleep. And at 5am, was sick....

 

My therapist says I need to RUN 30 minutes a day. I barely thought about her last night when I was running but I can't run on days I lift. And today is legs and shoulders, so I will have no energy left to run.

 

But I like your ideas. I just can't plop myself in front of the TV unless it's interesting stuff.

[whichwayisup]

Third, I hope that a relationship has caused Alpha to see women and the world the way that he does, because then there would be hope that he might someday see past it and in a different light. I hope he wasn't born with such a negative view. I want to reiterate what someone else said . . . (most) mature women don't want what Alpha thinks all women want.

 

You should go and read some of Alpha's posts. He's got alot more inside than he puts out there, anybody should see that - Just gotta be open to it, and I guess if one doesn't get his humour, his style of things - Then one can be offended.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Lil Honey

First, unfortunately, there are people that we love - and will always love - who we just can't share our lives with. Sometimes it is us, sometimes it is them, sometimes it's just not meant to be.

 

I hope I can learn to not love her anymore and not hurt when I think about her. Right now it's all so fresh that I can actually FEEL the pain. It's not plesant at all. But, the therapist said "Stop thinking about her fondly. She is the SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN...." and she is right.

 

Second, I understand what Pocky is saying, however, I understand that everyone has their own time frame to work in. What takes one person a month, may take another person a year. Dwelling on a lost love can make a person get "stuck" in a current mindset, never allowing them to move forward and I think Pocky wants more for you than that. (Please excuse my guesstimations, Pocky.) If you, CIOC, are like me, you need to wallow in the self-pity for a while and when you get damn tired of it, you will move ahead, but it needs to happen in your own time.

 

Agreed. And when we hurt, we tend to take any bit of criticism in a negative manner. We don't like to be criticized when we feel good, so when we feel bad the effect is essentially doubled.

 

Third, I hope that a relationship has caused Alpha to see women and the world the way that he does, because then there would be hope that he might someday see past it and in a different light. I hope he wasn't born with such a negative view. I want to reiterate what someone else said . . . (most) mature women don't want what Alpha thinks all women want.

 

Agreed. Therapist, my business partner and her parents all think she is too immature for a relationship, that is why she uses words like "soft" and "clingy". Those are words high school kids use, not mature adults in healthy relationships.

 

Whatever happened to alpha, I am sure he thinks he can cure it with being elusive, but for me, I am not into playing games with people. There's no fun in it for me. If I want a challenge, I'll play basketball. My relationship should never be a challenge or a game.

[Lil Honey]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

You should go and read some of Alpha's posts. He's got alot more inside than he puts out there, anybody should see that - Just gotta be open to it, and I guess if one doesn't get his humour, his style of things - Then one can be offended.

 

 

I have read some of his posts. I never said he was "empty" in any shape or form.

 

LOL I am not offended. *shrugging*

 

When someone makes generalizations about a mass of people, I see it this way. If I don't do the things that a person is talking about, I have no reason to BE offended. What is being said is taking everyone - the general population - into consideration (hence the word "generalization"). I already know that I am my own person and I am an individual. If someone says, "All woman are idiots," I am not offended, because I know that I am not and none of the women I know are idiots. I can't be offended if it doesn't pertain to me. OTOH, if some says, "All women are beautiful," I also know that that statement can be misleading. Beauty is many things to many people. What I think is beautiful may not be to someone else. So generalizations are not "meant" to be accurate.

 

Further, I take what Alpha says with a bit of a grin cuz I think he likes others to talk about him. He even said once something about liking to post something to get others riled. Entertainment can cost so little, ya know? LOL

 

Lil Hon

[alphamale]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

My relationship should never be a challenge or a game.

every relationship you ever had or will every have in your life will be a challenge and a game somewhat. if you are too naive to know that, then you deserve what you get. most women instinctually know this fact but many men do not.

 

ask any female on LS and they will confirm what I say.

[Lil Honey]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

I hope I can learn to not love her anymore and not hurt when I think about her. Right now it's all so fresh that I can actually FEEL the pain. It's not plesant at all. But, the therapist said "Stop thinking about her fondly. She is the SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN...." and she is right.

 

Your therapist is right. I've had to do the same thing: Stop thinking of how wonderful a guy he was and start thinking of the hurt he had caused me. That was my high school boyfriend (revisited 10 years later, LOL).

 

Lil Hon

[Pocky]

Originally posted by alphamale

ask any female on LS and they will confirm what I say.

 

Psst...you forget I'm here. I know that's easy to do...Unfortunately, I have to dispute your game theory.

[Lil Honey]

Originally posted by alphamale

every relationship you ever had or will every have in your life will be a challenge and a game somewhat. if you are too naive to know that, then you deserve what you get. most women instinctually know this fact but many men do not.

 

ask any female on LS and they will confirm what I say.

 

I finally have to agree with PART of what Alpha has said. (Woohoo LMAO ) Relationships have challenging parts. I think of them as tests to your devotion. I think that they crop up to test the strength of the relationship.

 

As far as games go . . . I do not and never have played "emotional games". I have played "fun games" like teasing or just playing around, but we BOTH are playing the game - with each other. I think a lil laughter is good for any relationship. I see no use in mind games.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by alphamale

every relationship you ever had or will every have in your life will be a challenge and a game somewhat. if you are too naive to know that, then you deserve what you get. most women instinctually know this fact but many men do not.

 

ask any female on LS and they will confirm what I say.

 

I think I have learned a valuable lesson.

 

Challenge, I agree.

 

Games? I disagree.

 

Nobody I know LIKES playing games in a relationship. They might want someone who's a challenge and plays a little hard to get sometimes, but not someone who plays games.

 

That's a sign of immaturity.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Nobody I know LIKES playing games in a relationship.

Ever heard of politics or "office politics". No one says they enjoy playing politics but everyone does do it to some extent. Right? Well why don't you use the word "politics" instead of "games"?

 

relationship politics exist in any relationship between two or more individuals whether it is a blood relationship, office relationship, or romantic relationship;