ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I came across this. Not sure if it's been posted before but for the ladies, it's definitely a good reminder to feed your soul first before you feed someone else's. After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, you really are strong, you really DO have worth. You learn and you learn... with EVERY GOODBYE, you learn.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 E. Lori Milton Great author and poem writer! Insightful words~
alphamale Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 yes....this is called growing up, maturing, life experience, etc. etc...
laRubiaBonita Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yes....this is called growing up, maturing, life experience, etc. etc... redundantcy......... .......... OC~ now that you are begining to "see the light". or at least acknowledge that there is a light to see..... Maybe you should re-read your previous posts and re-read our advice to you, know that you seem to be armed with some Professional Knowledge and insight.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita redundantcy......... .......... OC~ now that you are begining to "see the light". or at least acknowledge that there is a light to see..... Maybe you should re-read your previous posts and re-read our advice to you, know that you seem to be armed with some Professional Knowledge and insight. I have been re-reading the NO CONTACT guides. Over and over. I have learned that women DO want men like me. In fact, MOST do. The problem is I have placed my self worth based on someone who isn't NORMAL. Bad, Bad, Bad. NO CONTACT is now back in full force. If I break it, I fully expect you guys to tear me a new one. When I see the therapist on Thursday, I will ask for her more insight into how I can break her hold on me. I am spending more time with friends. I am working on putting a new band together to write original songs (I do a lot of Alice in Chains covers) I am seeing my own self value. I need to continue to work on "feeding my soul" and not letting her suck mine dry....
NTB Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I have been re-reading the NO CONTACT guides. Over and over. I have learned that women DO want men like me. In fact, MOST do. The problem is I have placed my self worth based on someone who isn't NORMAL. Bad, Bad, Bad. NO CONTACT is now back in full force. If I break it, I fully expect you guys to tear me a new one. When I see the therapist on Thursday, I will ask for her more insight into how I can break her hold on me. I am spending more time with friends. I am working on putting a new band together to write original songs (I do a lot of Alice in Chains covers) I am seeing my own self value. I need to continue to work on "feeding my soul" and not letting her suck mine dry.... i am glad you are doing so much better......it gives me hope i hope i can get to where you are now like a fool i broke NC and i am paying for it very dearly now and the worse thing is i get seem to get it back under control
Illusion24 Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 For the ladies, don't know who the author is. Post: 1 | Quote: I came across this. Not sure if it's been posted before but for the ladies, it's definitely a good reminder to feed your soul first before you feed someone else's. quote: After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, you really are strong, you really DO have worth. You learn and you learn... with EVERY GOODBYE, you learn. It's funny, I'ma fool for love. I love everything about it, the intimacy, friendship, companion, everything you can think of. But lately, I feel numb!...Is this normal, to be completely happy and then from one day to the next read a statement like the one above and love and understand the meaning but NOT FEEL ANYTHING??? What's up with me?? I'm starting to realize I'm for f***ed up then I thought...I want to feel again and I don't know how??
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ What exactly about her has you so addicted to her? Everything. She's just so different than anyone I've ever met. Like I said, the second I laid eyes on her my heart LEAPED. I knew, at least then, she was the one for me. Love at first sight.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NTB i am glad you are doing so much better......it gives me hope i hope i can get to where you are now like a fool i broke NC and i am paying for it very dearly now and the worse thing is i get seem to get it back under control Sorry to hear about that. I was hoping by describing what happened after I broke NC that it would help others to stay strong and stick with it. The more I think about how crappy she treated me, the more I realize she doesn't DESERVE my time. And there will come a day when she rues her decision....
Pocky Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever It's funny, I'ma fool for love. I love everything about it, the intimacy, friendship, companion, everything you can think of. But lately, I feel numb!...Is this normal, to be completely happy and then from one day to the next read a statement like the one above and love and understand the meaning but NOT FEEL ANYTHING??? What's up with me?? I'm starting to realize I'm for f***ed up then I thought...I want to feel again and I don't know how?? Eh - I didn't feel anything. It's good for some and if it makes them feel better than by all means they should read things like this and feel better. For me, it's cheesy, like a Hallmark Card. Maybe it's not so much that you're not feeling, but that you find beauty in different things. I don't find beauty, compassion, love, understanding or anything else when I read that, but let me see a mother cradle her child or let me see an older couple handing hands while they wait for the subway or an older brother helping his litter sister cross the road and I'm filled with emotion.
Pocky Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC The more I think about how crappy she treated me, the more I realize she doesn't DESERVE my time. And there will come a day when she rues her decision.... Oh come on - what's with the "she rues her decision" like you're some kind of god and the only man in the world that could ever treat her well and make her happy. I'm all for you doing what you need to do to get over her because you really need to get over her, but don't convince yourself that you were the best she'd ever get. It didn't work for a reason which means that you aren't the best she could ever get or she'd be with you. And she's not the best you could ever get or you'd be with her. You're turning this relationship into something that was ideal and surpassed reality as though you were living in a romance novel and someone just ripped out the last pages and deprived you of your happy ending. You weren't in a romance novel, your relationship wasn't ideal. Stop painting some imaginary relationship. If it were so wonderful you'd be together.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Oh come on - what's with the "she rues her decision" like you're some kind of god and the only man in the world that could ever treat her well and make her happy. No Pocky, but it makes me feel better to say it, whether it's true or not. Stop raining on my parade. I'm all for you doing what you need to do to get over her because you really need to get over her, but don't convince yourself that you were the best she'd ever get. It didn't work for a reason which means that you aren't the best she could ever get or she'd be with you. And she's not the best you could ever get or you'd be with her. You're turning this relationship into something that was ideal and surpassed reality as though you were living in a romance novel and someone just ripped out the last pages and deprived you of your happy ending. You weren't in a romance novel, your relationship wasn't ideal. Stop painting some imaginary relationship. If it were so wonderful you'd be together. It wasn't all that wonderful, I admit that. I'm working on making myself feel better. You're not helping
alphamale Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC The more I think about how crappy she treated me, the more I realize she doesn't DESERVE my time. And there will come a day when she rues her decision.... I have dated some women who had dumped their "nice guy" boyfriends before they met me and yes they did say nice things about their ex-nice guys and had some fond memories, etc... but I don't think one of them ever regretted leaving them or wanted to go back to them. in the dating and mating game pretty much everyone is replaceable. and I personally never ever tell a woman I am better than any other guy. i tell them i am a normal, imperfect, average guy who is no different than any other dude.
Naive Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Everything. She's just so different than anyone I've ever met. Like I said, the second I laid eyes on her my heart LEAPED. I knew, at least then, she was the one for me. Love at first sight. How can she be the one for you though if she treats you like a you are just anyone else?
Naive Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Let me word it a bit differently, How could you think she was the one for you when she sees you so indifferently?
Pocky Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC No Pocky, but it makes me feel better to say it, whether it's true or not. Stop raining on my parade. It wasn't all that wonderful, I admit that. I'm working on making myself feel better. You're not helping It should be helping because when you really accept that it wasn't wonderful you're stop focusing on this false image you have and approach the situation realistically. Snap out of it! I can't wait for the day you meet someone else and it's wonderful and you realize how much time you wasted on pretending this relationship was so great when it really wasn't so great and now you really do have a relationship that's great. Snap!
Illusion24 Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I don't find beauty, compassion, love, understanding or anything else when I read that, but let me see a mother cradle her child or let me see an older couple handing hands while they wait for the subway or an older brother helping his litter sister cross the road and I'm filled with emotion. Could this be where I'm at now in my life. Not needing love, understanding and comapssion but seeing much more greater things in life...But then again feeling those things makes the world go round sometimes. You see I'm so f***ed up...
Pocky Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale in the dating and mating game pretty much everyone is replaceable. and I personally never ever tell a woman I am better than any other guy. i tell them i am a normal, imperfect, average guy who is no different than any other dude. Yo! You left out the good part like arrogant, sex-crazed, obsessed with breasts and gender biased. Oh and S-M-R-T. Could this be where I'm at now in my life. Not needing love, understanding and comapssion but seeing much more greater things in life...But then again feeling those things makes the world go round sometimes. You see I'm so f***ed up... Not saying they're not needed - you just don't find them in the commercial, Hallmark card, corny love song kind of way.
alphamale Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Yo! You left out the good part like arrogant, sex-crazed, obsessed with breasts and gender biased. Oh and S-M-R-T. the above is part and parcel of being a normal, imperfect and average guy.
Pocky Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale the above is part and parcel of being a normal, imperfect and average guy. Ah, so the term "typical guy" does apply. Woot! Now I can use it to describe the oh-so-few men we have on LS and it won't be offensive.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ Let me word it a bit differently, How could you think she was the one for you when she sees you so indifferently? Because she led me to believe that. Trust me, when she puts the charm on, she is irresistible. Charming, sweet, sexy, loving, caring, sensitive, thoughtful, intelligent, fun, a good listener, supportive. Everything I thought I wanted in a woman. She is a bit of a Tomboy. She likes men that are very independent and secure in themselves. By falling head over heels for her, and wanting to spend all my time with her, she took that as I was clingy and insecure. I know it looked that way, and I wanted like MAD for it to work out, I know why it didn't. She isn't ready, willing and wanting of that level of love. She just wants to hang out and have fun, no strings attached. And I had a ton of strings. Pocky, you make a lot of assumptions but you're one of the people my Therapist described as someone who shouldn't be giving advice. Your bitterness is spilling all over.....
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale the above is part and parcel of being a normal, imperfect and average guy. And you are not, alpha?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I have dated some women who had dumped their "nice guy" boyfriends before they met me and yes they did say nice things about their ex-nice guys and had some fond memories, etc... but I don't think one of them ever regretted leaving them or wanted to go back to them. Of course not, alpha. They were unequally yoked. The problem with most of your "advice" is you seem stuck on the Tom Lykis school of dating. There ARE women out there that desire men that love them, communicate, care, etc. Women who perceive that as being weak, soft, or clingy are mostly immature and NOT READY for a REAL relationship. What your advice centers around is a "game" that I have no intention of playing. I don't WANT to be with someone I am not equally yoked with. At 36, I am READY for a real relationship because I've sowed all my wild oats and gotten it out of my system. Games for players. in the dating and mating game pretty much everyone is replaceable. and I personally never ever tell a woman I am better than any other guy. i tell them i am a normal, imperfect, average guy who is no different than any other dude. But you do think it's a game, and thus my point is made ever so clear....
Recommended Posts