Frazzle Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I am relatively new at my workplace and one of my coworkers is giving off a strange vibe. She invades my personal space and is all up in my face when we talk. She tends to sit on my desk to talk to me too...although I notice she does that other people as well. The other day, she told in me in a low voice that I'm looking to get out of the city, I could stay in one of her homes in the countryside for free as long as I look after her pets. I figured maybe she was just being friendly since she knows I'm new to the area and have no family or friends here. Also, it seems like she has a couple homes that she rents out to vacationers so I figured maybe she wants to advertise. Today, we broke off into teams at work for an activity and she happened to be in my group. We were sitting next to each other and she rubbed my back and gave me a hug, saying "I'm so happy you're on my team." What's going on here? I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and tell myself that maybe she's just being overly friendly and has poor boundaries. What do you guys think? P.S.: This lady is my mom's age.... if not older.
MrMeh Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Nothing going on here. I rub all my friends on the neck and tell them I'm happy to see them..
Maggie4 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 It's because she's your Mom's age that she doesn't have to worry you might think she's hitting on you. Is she rubbing the backs of men of her own age? I don't think you have anything to worry about.
h0000 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Nothing going on here. I rub all my friends on the neck and tell them I'm happy to see them.. Yeah you rub your friends, you don't rub your employees/coworkers. It's called sexual harassment.
h0000 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I think people are forgetting one thing: it is at a work place. Not your family/friends get together. IMO she is being inappropriate .
Maggie4 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I think people are forgetting one thing: it is at a work place. Not your family/friends get together. IMO she is being inappropriate . Hmm... yeah I agree with you if he doesn't want to be touched, it is harrassment to him, especially if she is a supervisor and he can't tell her to buzz off. But coworkers who are friends who both like it, can rub backs, I think.
Jules Dash Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Some people are just inappropriate like this and mean no harm. I work with a married woman that tends to give fellow coworkers massages while they sit as they work. It caught me off guard at first and I wasn't sure how to react because I was a new employee when it first happened at the time. Years later now, I am still getting some of the best nonprofessional massages ever whenever I sit near her workstation to complete a task.
h0000 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 But coworkers who are friends who both like it, can rub backs, I think. Maybe if they are of the same sex, they do that sort of thing. But then again I think "rubbing" is a fairly intimate act. I understand you "pat" a co-wokers shoulder but rubbing the back? Hmmmm.....and especially this is a female and male setting.. Also by the sound of it," invades my personal space and is all up in my face" I still strongly think it's inappropriate. I don't know about her intention, maybe she is harmless but I doubt it's completely, absolutely, 100% innocent. I have just never seen that sort of behavior my whole working life.
Buddhist Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) I think people are forgetting one thing: it is at a work place. Not your family/friends get together. IMO she is being inappropriate . I agree that it's inappropriate but I don't think it's necessarily sexual in nature. Some people just are more touchy feely than others and they really don't think anything of it. Possibly given the age difference her attitude is more maternal than sexual. Some older ladies just like to look after the young-uns in the office, mother henning them a bit. She didn't invite the guy to the country for a dirty weekend. She invited him to be a pet sitter as a way to help him out. She appears to be paying him a similar level of attention as she does his other coworkers. I know a lot of women who have this kind of personality, they take it upon themselves to ensure office harmony. Personally they piss me off, treating everyone around them like children. But you know, there are worse people to share cubicle space with. It's also been my experience that a lot of guys read any kind of interest in them as sexual interest, merely because they don't tend to pay anyone attention unless they are sexually interested in them. I work with some men who get all defensive around me because I speak to them and treat them like people. I roll my eye's a lot.....No. I'm really not trying to get into your pants. It's called rapport building, get over yourself please. Edited September 23, 2015 by Buddhist
Ami1uwant Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Doesnt matter if its the same sex or opposite sexes and it doesnt matter who is doing the touching...rubbing your back, touching your dhoulder can be interpreted as sexual harassment and it doesnt matter if that was the intent. The OPs perception is she is hitting on him.
Buddhist Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Doesnt matter if its the same sex or opposite sexes and it doesnt matter who is doing the touching...rubbing your back, touching your dhoulder can be interpreted as sexual harassment and it doesnt matter if that was the intent. The OPs perception is she is hitting on him. In which case the OP is welcome to file a sexual harassment case with his HR dept. He's bringing it to a dating site though which kind of implies he's more curious than upset.
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