thejabberwocky Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years after discovering he has a drug problem. I've been in NC since the day I broke up with him, now 35 days ago. I'm having issues moving on in my life without him. I don't want him back, as drugs and lying are both dealbreakers. But I miss him so much and our lives together. In example, I had to miss his sister's baby shower this weekend. He was there, as were their parents, so I had no choice. I was so close with his family - they were more supportive of me than my own are. It's hard to go from being apart of their family to missing these huge milestones in their lives. I also miss his dog. I remember the day we got him and I tear up. He is such a sweetheart and I can't imagine never seeing him again. I also have my own dog that I feel soooo guilty that I took my ex away from her. She adored him and runs up to every man we see who looks similar to him. We were also supposed to go to Hawaii with his family next month. I had already bought new bikinis and coverups. I was so excited to have a vacation with him and just relax and have fun. Now it's coming up and I feel sick. He's obviously still going to go and that whole two weeks I'm just going to feel so awful and wonder what he's doing and if he has another girl there with him. I just keep being reminded of how our life could've been. In my eyes, he voluntarily destroyed his life and our life together. I just can't understand that. We could be so happy right now. How do you adjust to life without your ex? What do you do if you were close to their family? What about the plans you made together?
Ellie35 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Unfortunately and for now, it's no contact with him and his family. It's hard when you have made plans and those days come but then they go. I find this month hard as we spoke of moving in together. After this month there were no plans so there will be no anniversarys or the like. It's a tough road or process to go through but you will get there and time will heal.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I'm willing to bet you can do better than a lying drug addict. It's normal to grieve. Grieve it, all of it. Just don't fool yourself into thinking this guy was the one for you. 1
Draper Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Family and such are one of the toughest things to let go of. I felt the same way with my ex's parents. They were so good to me and so supportive of me. My parents aren't bad by any means, but her parents were always special to me and I felt like I was special to them. Hell, when I first met the ex she lived by herself in an apartment so naturally I spent most nights there. She ended up moving back home and her parents obviously knew we slept together most of the time, so they told me 'You have a good head on your shoulders and you treat her well, and obviously you guys are really serious about each other. So, you're welcome to sleep here anytime'. So that was awesome. I ended up spending probably 6/7 nights a week there. I spent A LOT of time with her family and letting them go with her is awful because I don't even have anything to be angry at them for. I guess you just have to let go, I mean there really isn't anything you can do, it's not like you can keep them in your life and go visit them. As for the future plans and stuff, yeah that sucks a lot. We were supposed to have moved in together at the beginning of september, yet now I'm in the apartment alone. Like the person above said, they days come and they go. When they come, be ready. Have a friend on standby in case you need to talk. Or, we are always here.
jen1447 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I hate to reduce humanity to science but it's really just separation anxiety. 35 days is very early so you're still in the thick of it and you're struggling bc the old way's still the norm. Time will take care of that tho and the new way will slowly become the norm, and then the old way will seem kinda weird. Instead of grieving for the things you mentioned you'll start thinking how weird it was that you lived with a drug abuser, liar, etc. I know that probably sounds depressing but it'll happen, and when it does you won't feel depressed, you'll feel relieved. The only fix is time, no shortcuts. You gotta put your time in and be miserable in the short term, but take comfort in the fact that despite it being a slow fix, it pretty much always works. 2
mightycpa Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 You've got to put in the time. It's been a whole month... it seems like forever when it comes to exes, and it seems like only yesterday when it comes to paying rent. That should tell you that it's all in your head. It will get better if you let it, but you've got to put in the time.
sbk24 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I feel the same, however you must feel that you are making progress being in NC; even if it is very slowly. Like you said in my thread we deserve better, emotions aside (which of course is easier said than done), the ex chose someone else or a different factor over us. So why should we be treated second best? Stay in NC and try not to dwell on the what if and his family. Focus on your friends, family and most importantly yourself.
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