Is it going to work without knowing when or IF distance will be eliminated?

[mike2388]

I've known this guy for about 4 years now. He has had a crush on me for most of that time. I always that he was attractive but I never had the same feelings he had toward me as I felt we were on totally different pages in life.

 

He moved to Hawaii for college about 1.5 years ago. We kept in contact a bit through text. This past August I felt the need to be spontaneous and I booked a flight and hotel to Hawaii as he often encouraged me to do. Long story short, during my time out there I completely fell for him. We were so affectionate with each other. There was so much chemistry. But then it was time for me to go back home.

 

Ever since we have kept in touch just about everyday. One day he expressed the distance was already killing him. I talked him into not stressing about it and just letting it play out. Well for the first time today I started thinking the same. It's not the distance that wares on me though, it's the fact that I am not sure if he will ever move back to this area again, and nor is he. I know he originally had plans after college to go to Grad School in New Zealand which I would never want to jeopardize that for him. He also enjoys living on an island. I am starting to get confused on what to do. Do we continue talking? I know he is super stressed out about this situation but for the most part I've been pretty content about the distance. Today it hit me hard though. Now I understand how he has been feeling.

 

I have asked him to come visit me in November and I know he really wants to but a part of me knows he is hesitant. He has even said that he feels like it will make things worse. I told him that my plans were to visit him in January but I am not sure I will do that if he doesn't go through with coming here in November. If he doesn't visit in November should I just lay off of this whole situation? Is this going to work without knowing when or IF the distance will ever go away?

 

It's been a rough day. Thank you if you have read this far. Any feedback, opinions, advice, etc. would be appreciated.

[d0nnivain]

It can work if you don't know exactly when the distance will end but it won't work if there is no expectation that the distance will ever end.

 

 

Does he have plans to move home after graduation? Do you have any ability to get a job & move to Hawaii? Do you even want to?

[mike2388]

He has said he was looking into grad schools here at one point and wanted to make me happy by moving out here. But I told him I'd only be happy if he was happy. I told him I don't want to get in the way of any aspirations or plans he has had. I've thought of moving but my life is established here with family, friends, and career. I may even become part owner of a business which has been a dream of mine. Over in Hawaii I don't know anything besides him. He's worth it but I also know that move would effect my family as I'm a huge family person. A part of me feels that he is trying to fight these feelings both of us have because he isn't sure if he is ever going to be back here. It's a possibility but not a guarantee. As cocky as it sounds, I have been hoping I can get him to fall for me hard enough to eventually end up here. I think this distance would be a piece of cake if I had a date when the distance would be no longer.