lilliane Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Hi, long story short: I kind-of-dated someone for almost 8 years in some kind of on-again off-again relationship because I was "pretty sure" he was the one. After some time (probably 3 or 4 years ago) we started to want different things in life and never really could "be in a relationship" again, though we remain as friends, and sometimes (a lot of times) we ended up having sex. About 3 weeks ago we talked again and I realized he no longer was "in love" with me (and that I was in love.. or I thought so). We keep talking after that but I took some distance from him. Last week a really cute and nice guy sent me a message in OKcupid and we started talking A LOT and I think I like him. He is everything I've ever wanted in a person and we are very compatible, I'm happy talking with him and I can tell he is happy and likes me. I'm also very sure I want to give myself an opportunity with him. The thing is "my ex" has a lot of problems of depression and anxiety and is having a bad time right now and (I know it's really stupid) I guess I feel guilty for liking someone so soon and "let him alone with his depression", but at the same time I like talking and feeling happy with this other person and I don't want to miss this chance to meet new people and maybe have a healthy relationship this time. How can I stop feeling so guilty about this.. I wasn't expecting to meet someone so cool, so "soon" and I feel really bad. Thank you everyone! 1
sabrinaLo Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Hi, I think it is great that you have found someone that you like and I do not think it is so "soon". On my opinion, your other relationship has ended much earlier than 3 weeks ago. You do not have to feel bad about it. I am also sorry that your ex has problems with depression and anxiety but I fear you are not the right person to help with it (although I know you would really like to). If you try to help, you may do more harm than good. Last word, seems like you know the new guy only since a few days. Maybe it is a good idea to take the things slowly not because of your ex but for your own good. You may be able to start a healthier future relationship this way. I might be wrong in this though, this is only my perspective and what I would have done for myself. 1
Author lilliane Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Hello, thank you so much for reading and answer. I guess you're right in everything... Now that I feel a lot more calm than yesterday I agree.. that relationship was over a long time ago and the one that always broke up was him, and at some point he always knew I DO want a relationship so... I think it's just hard for me to think in the moment he knows I'm dating again and he might feel bad. For the other part, yes I only have a few days talking with this person and we are talking just as friends and just getting to know each other, but it's really weird how similar we are, even in things from childhood and plans for future... So it's great but you're right, it has to go in a slow and natural way Thank you so much <3
lop98 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 'everything I ever wanted in a person' for an okcupid guy that messaged you last week for the first time should be a bigger concern... you don't know anything about his values for instance, you want to be careful with the past but keep an eye on the future and not head towards rebound path, you may say you're over this but everyone needs time to assimilate a relationship that sounded a bit like a mess (love you but not really, lets break up but still have sex)... avoiding it and going for an easy fix of affection and similarities never ends well.
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