Stage5Clinger Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Sometimes this can be shyness, self-consciousness, anxiety, stress, poor health, medications/caffeine, and more.. but the way you describe him makes me believe he is an undeclared homosexual. You have a couple of options here.. 1. Jerk him off like you're churning butter half/totally naked and test results. 2. Commit yourself to a sexless life / and eventual divorce 3. peace out HARD
oldshirt Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 The first few times I experienced a woman going down on me, I really didn't like it either. They were inexperienced at the time too and didn't really know what they were doing and the sensation was too intense and was more distracting than pleasurable. that is not a sign of homosexuality. Besides, I assume gay dudes blow each other all the time and dig it. Complementing women's nails and clothes is not a sign of homosexuality. I do it all the time. It has even gotten me laid. .....by women. Touching and complementing an joking about other guys? Maybe, maybe not. I'm sure bisexual/gay guys do do that. But hetero guys who are secure in their sexuality and aren't homophobes will do it to. In the end homosexuality is about having a romantic/sexual attraction to men. It has nothing to do with losing an erection during oral sex or liking someones nails or another persons pants. If he is attracted to men and wants to rub up against them, he's gay. If he's attracted to women, he's straight. Either way it doesn't mean that he will be good in bed or the right person for you. My advice is if you don't like him and it's not working out for you, break it off. if you break it off with him then his sexual preference won't be your business.
Author Northwestern1011 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 I should mention: The other night (and the time before that), I was COMPLETELY NAKED, and he was still unable to get/stay hard. Touching him did nothing. He even seemed surprised himself. His response was something like, "It feels good. Are you sure it's not hard?" He's in his mid twenties. He's in great health. He does NOT have a low libido--that's the weird part is he definitely has the highest drive of any guy I've ever dated, yet then can't carry it out. Which makes no sense to me. He doesn't even consume caffeine, and hardly drinks. He admits to getting off "every couple days" and allegedly, not with porn. I'm the first woman he's ever seen naked, or done these things with at all. I've asked him if it's a guilt thing, and he says he doesn't think so. He basically has no response for what causes it. And what's with the him almost climaxing while giving me oral? He wasn't even touching himself! I could try seeing if there's a different response after a couple beers. Although the first time this happened, we had just had a beer. The entire time we've been dating, I've only seen him get off ONCE. And it was well over a month ago. Now that I look back on it, it took a ton of begging and cajoling and encouraging to get him to do it. And that was him just getting himself off with me present. Now he can't even do that.
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 It's the "He's religious" is what is causing some of the anxiety. It's a whole lot of guilt riding up around in his head. He's worrying about sinning, going to hell for enjoying sex/lust outside of marriage. I encourage you to move on.
Stage5Clinger Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Yet, he's still just as excited to go down on me. And allegedly almost climaxed a coupletimes unexpectedly while performing oral on me night before last? Sorry, I missed this. He's gay. Men don't climax from giving oral (ever, ever, ever) and they certainly don't climax soft and with no physical stimulation. Run. Run far and fast away from this situation. No excuses. He's making things up to try and come off as straight but this is factually impossible what he is telling you. I would question everything from this point forward if you decide to keep talking to him (I advise against it!!!!!)
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Once you got this 'eeww' feeling about a man you cannot change your view on him. Very well said! :bunny:
chumble Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 When standing at a urinal, I can't piss if someone's nearby with only a shoulder-height partition. This doesn't mean I don't desperately need to pee... Yet with a full-height toilet stall partition, I not only can pee, but can take a massive and toxically explosive high-decibel dump regardless of who the victim the next stall over is. What's the difference? Some minor psychological block. Terrible analogy, but uh... You're his first lay, so (assuming he has other qualities you like) why not stick with him long enough so he can learn to relax.
No_Go Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 It s the lack of experience, religion, and maybe some level of social awkwardness. In short performance anxiety. He gets hard when he's down on you because there is no pressure to "perform" (i.e. stay erect) then. I think I dated a bi-guy. Well, he was telling me that he experimented dating men (nothing physical according to him). He was waaayyy to gentle for my taste, and TMI ... was totally into ...butt play, his butt I mean. Also watching humiliation porn. Even for him, I wouldn't be 100% sure he's gay - fetish + extreme open mindedness maybe... **TMI warning ahead** I’ve been dating this guy about a month and a half. Everything is great except for one huge issue…I’m starting to wonder if he’s gay. Or at least bisexual but strongly prefers men. A couple weeks ago, for the first time ever, I attempted to perform oral sex on him. Within seconds, he went from hard to completely flaccid. Nothing seemed to be able to get him hard again. I thought that was odd, but he waived it off as he was sunburned and dehydrated and didn’t feel good. But then last week, I tried again. And the exact same thing happened. Maybe even faster. And nothing could get him hard again. Not my mouth, or my hands, or even him stimulating himself. If it happens twice in a row like this, I know it will happen again if I ever attempt to perform oral or anything else on him again. And I know for that reason there has to be an issue. The strange part is he gets aroused even from me just looking at him certain ways..Yet sexual activity happens and he immeadiately loses it? He wants to initiate oral on me, and seems really into it..But if I go to do it to him, it’s just over? He was raised very very very deeply religious, and is still active in church. With the doctrine “All sex outside of marriage is bad”..Could it really be a mental block thing? He was a complete virgin before I met him, so these are first two blowjobs he’s ever had. I’m starting to feel really rejected. I’m 24 years old, healthy, in shape, and the most attractive I’ll ever been in my life. Touching a guy who claims to be really into you and then can’t even stay aroused is beyond embarrassing. I’ve only had oral with one other person, but I know I was actually very good at it back then.So I know that’s not it. I just know it’s starting to make me feel really unwanted. And then there’s the other aspect—he has a ton of close male friends. And it’s an ongoing joke that he makes innuendo jokes with them—about other men—all the time. About all these men being his lover (and these are genuinely straight guys—I don’t question their sexuality). He’ll also notice and compliment me on my nail polish (what guy does that?) or my pants or shirt or makeup. Once, he even complimented one of my MALE FAMILY MEMBERS on his pants. He’ll make commentsa bout guys butts. And I thought up until now this was just extreme joking,especially to get a rise out of people. But since the blowjob incident..I’m genuinely starting to wonder. Having the guy you’re dating lose his erection when you try to be intimate him one day, and seeing him rub a guy’s shoulders 4 days later is getting beyond unnerving. Any advice? Could it genuinely be the religious guilt aspect? Or does it sound like I’m dating a man who prefers men, and just adamantly denies it—and probably even dates me to prove otherwise to the church?
Gaeta Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Thats cruel. Why dont you try talking to him about it ? It might be the religion thing or maybe he isnt ready for that . What is cruel is this young inexperienced woman trying to tackle a problem that is too big for her. With all of her prejudices and misconceptions she risks hurting his self-esteem more than to repair it. She needs to move on and he needs to go consult about his problem.
Author Northwestern1011 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 What is cruel is this young inexperienced woman trying to tackle a problem that is too big for her. With all of her prejudices and misconceptions she risks hurting his self-esteem more than to repair it. She needs to move on and he needs to go consult about his problem. I feel like there's a lot of truth here. I would probably feel differently if I'd been with several men, and this didn't make me wonder if I just gave terrible blowjobs or was extremely unattractive or such nonsense. But that definitely sneaks in and permeates my self conscious. The sad part is other than this, he's really sweet and does nice things for me no other man has bothered to--day I wrote this post he showed up on my lunch break with a soda for me (I'll be honest, he's done things like appearing on my lunch break--just appearing or waiting for me to come outside and then 'surprising me'-- a sliver of my paranoid self wonders if he does this because he's "checking" to see if I'm having lunch with anyone else). Thoughtful things like that. I think it would also help if he had another guy to confide in about the problem--but he doesn't. He has several VERY CLOSE friends--who he tells almost everything to, including things about me I wish he'd not share that have made me PISSED--but he can't tell them about THIS. Because these are all friends from church. And if they knew he was doing these things, he would kicked out of the church group. I also get irritated because I feel like I'm viewed as like the town harlet--because I'm the NOT religious one, and I have been with someone before. And OH YES, that is a mild point of concern for him.
autumnnight Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Hooooooo boy..... OP, I am a woman approaching 50 who married a guy with much of your story. Except he wasn't into oral on me, and he only had one or two weirdly close male friends and almost all female friends. But the religious stuff and the hangups? Yeah I'll be frank. Once the "new" of intercourse wore off for him, I spent most of my marriage sex-starved and wondering about his orientation. This doesn't get better. I think you should move on so you aren't a dozen years down the road with kids wondering what is wrong with you..... And yes, I'm projecting. But I know from whence I speak. 1
SSM3 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 **TMI warning ahead** I’ve been dating this guy about a month and a half. Everything is great except for one huge issue…I’m starting to wonder if he’s gay. Or at least bisexual but strongly prefers men. A couple weeks ago, for the first time ever, I attempted to perform oral sex on him. Within seconds, he went from hard to completely flaccid. Nothing seemed to be able to get him hard again. I thought that was odd, but he waived it off as he was sunburned and dehydrated and didn’t feel good. But then last week, I tried again. And the exact same thing happened. Maybe even faster. And nothing could get him hard again. Not my mouth, or my hands, or even him stimulating himself. If it happens twice in a row like this, I know it will happen again if I ever attempt to perform oral or anything else on him again. And I know for that reason there has to be an issue. The strange part is he gets aroused even from me just looking at him certain ways..Yet sexual activity happens and he immeadiately loses it? He wants to initiate oral on me, and seems really into it..But if I go to do it to him, it’s just over? He was raised very very very deeply religious, and is still active in church. With the doctrine “All sex outside of marriage is bad”..Could it really be a mental block thing? He was a complete virgin before I met him, so these are first two blowjobs he’s ever had. I’m starting to feel really rejected. I’m 24 years old, healthy, in shape, and the most attractive I’ll ever been in my life. Touching a guy who claims to be really into you and then can’t even stay aroused is beyond embarrassing. I’ve only had oral with one other person, but I know I was actually very good at it back then.So I know that’s not it. I just know it’s starting to make me feel really unwanted. And then there’s the other aspect—he has a ton of close male friends. And it’s an ongoing joke that he makes innuendo jokes with them—about other men—all the time. About all these men being his lover (and these are genuinely straight guys—I don’t question their sexuality). He’ll also notice and compliment me on my nail polish (what guy does that?) or my pants or shirt or makeup. Once, he even complimented one of my MALE FAMILY MEMBERS on his pants. He’ll make commentsa bout guys butts. And I thought up until now this was just extreme joking,especially to get a rise out of people. But since the blowjob incident..I’m genuinely starting to wonder. Having the guy you’re dating lose his erection when you try to be intimate him one day, and seeing him rub a guy’s shoulders 4 days later is getting beyond unnerving. Any advice? Could it genuinely be the religious guilt aspect? Or does it sound like I’m dating a man who prefers men, and just adamantly denies it—and probably even dates me to prove otherwise to the church? The guys has nerves, fact!
Gaeta Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I think it would also help if he had another guy to confide in about the problem--but he doesn't. This shows how his problem is way over your head an unfortunately you do not have the knowledge to help him out. I am late 40s and I would not have the knowledge to help him out. Men don't confine about their ED to their buddies like women confine to each other. Confining won't help him. He needs to talk to his doctor who will direct him to the proper help.
sin miedo Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Sorry, I missed this. He's gay. Men don't climax from giving oral (ever, ever, ever) and they certainly don't climax soft and with no physical stimulation. Run. Run far and fast away from this situation. No excuses. He's making things up to try and come off as straight but this is factually impossible what he is telling you. I would question everything from this point forward if you decide to keep talking to him (I advise against it!!!!!) Not true at all. I've gotten off when giving my gf oral. Maybe I'm just a weird dude, but it really turns me on to see her squirm, moan, pull my hair, etc in ecstasy... 1
wb1988 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) What ever it is let it be HIS problem and not yours. Time to find a new boyfriend. Ignore this "if it's broken then throw it away, if it's not broken then still throw it away" type advice. Also worthy of note is his seeming enthusiasm to go down on you. Gay men don't really...do that. Yeah if he gets that urge feeling when looking at your pussy then he's definitely not gay. He also knows that you want him to get hard which is why it was worse the second time — performance anxiety. You need to just not care (or at least act like it) and I'm sure the problem will be gone soon. Also there's no such thing as bi-sexual, it's just a respectable term for 'confused'. Edited October 1, 2015 by wb1988
Jinx01 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Just the fact that he told you that maybe it's you not being exciting naked is enough that you should break up with him. He's probably gay...
Author Northwestern1011 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 This week's update: He told me yesterday that he tried for the first time in a week (allegedly--I don't know if I believe that) to get off yesterday. And he couldn't even get himself hard to masturbate. Alone. He's in his mid twenties. He doesn't have any health issues. He's not using steroids. All I could say was wow. Whatever is wrong is getting worse. And it's starting to look like it's not even me.
shet Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 We all told you it wasn't you and that he had some kind of problem. I had a year long period in my early twenties when I couldn't masturbate. There was no drive to. I never gained an erection, something that normally just happens randomly. I was unhealthy (physically and mentally) at the time. I wasn't seeing anyone who wanted me to perform so it didn't matter, and it got better in the end on its own. It's your call whether you leave a man with health problems or stick by him. Remember the choice you make for the rest of your life and dwell upon your own character.
smackie9 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 This week's update: He told me yesterday that he tried for the first time in a week (allegedly--I don't know if I believe that) to get off yesterday. And he couldn't even get himself hard to masturbate. Alone. He's in his mid twenties. He doesn't have any health issues. He's not using steroids. All I could say was wow. Whatever is wrong is getting worse. And it's starting to look like it's not even me. He might have low testosterone, and should see a doctor to confirm.
Coup La-La Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 None of the things you said would be a warning sign by themselves, but together they make a giant RED FLAG! I say this from personal experience: The hurt you will feel when he comes out will dwarf anything you've felt before. When my ex-gf came out as lesbian I experience a level of pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. #saveyourself 1
GunslingerRoland Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Sounds like performance anxiety... but he may be bi. I don't think it's unfair of you to ask him, given all the joking he does about it, if he is bi...
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