Wilingtodoanything Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Dear Readers I am not a perfect Man can be selfish lazy and I do not think. However over the last for years i had burried my head in the sand not relaising the damage I was doing to my relation ship. Every 6 months or so I have needed a kick up the arse and I know that this should not be the case. I was not there for my wife during 1st pregnancy i admit i was scared that I would loose my daughter and her, if it was not for her mom being with her then I don't know if she would have made it I was rubbish. After that i Struggled to bond with my daughter but I did get passed it, then the little arguments my brother would cause and one final incident being the sticking point has caused alot of damage I hope i can repair. (I did not cheat) I should have stood up for her more like she did for me when i was at my lowest and fought and stood up for myself. It took me some time to maybe a little to late but I cut my brother out of my life for good for the betterment and for the sake of my family. With the complications of both pregnancy's she has asked me to or mentioned that i should get a vasectomy yes the thought of someone messing down there un nerves me and I have yet to this as i type this up. but i don want any more kids and i only want to be with my girls and build and work on our family and make more happy memories. over the last 4 years I just stopped trying for no reason at all apart from got lazy too comfortable and took my wife for granted and it has now come to a head so possibly anything that I do may now be too late but I need to try for the sake of my children. I have not only let her down but my kids as well. I use to leave her notes run her bath's do romantic things etc, plenty of people gave me hints along with the wife nagging but i just though people were having ago at me so i burried my head in the sand not realising what damage i was causing. I have started to do al the things i was doing when we 1st together which i should never have stopped doing, she thinks there was a reason for it because you do not stop. I did not stop trying cause I did not want to be there or because i did not lover. I do lover and adhore my kids and my wife i just stopped showing it. She does not know how she feels but i am trying to keep positive and fight for us but she come across as being all defeat est. she has asked for some time and space which i am giving her but I am willing to fight and do everything in my power to be the man that she fell in love with. She does not know how she feels about me, she loves me dearly for giving her kids but as she has been fighting for the last 4 years she is running on empty and has no fight left in her. So i am trying to fight for the both of us in the hope i can win her back, but i know i have to be realistic that it could end. I do not want anyone else I married her for all her faults and all her good points. and if I got one final chance i would never stop showing the girls or her how much I love and adhore them. So we are on the dreaded trial seperation, we still in the same house she upstairs i sleep down stairs and were still friends with alt weekends in the house. we still talk, etc and I am fighting so hard for the sake of the kids and us. has anyone experienced this and has it made them stronger, as I know marriage is not easy and it has to be worked and effort has to be put in both ends. my thinking is cause i am always optimistic but that's a fault of mine i guess that because she has not asked me to move out yet there must still be something there. but i am probably be wrong and i would be deviated if we did split up the girls and her are my world. if we did not split I would spend every waking moment of my life making it all up to the girls and her as they mean everything to me and for me she is my soul mate. I just hope that I have not left it to late to fight for her. even though she says I have and she does not know if she can feel that way again. Sorry about the spelling.
K2z Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 You're manning up in very important ways. I wish you success. Be patient with her.
ChicagoSparty Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Typically in a marriage, once one person reaches the point where they are thinking about ending it, it's pretty much over. Not saying that there's no chance, but it's very, very slim. Also, chapter and verse in these situations...when one spouse suddenly decides they need time and space, be on the lookout for another person lingering around. There is usually an impetus for separation, and that impetus is usually another person entering the picture. 1
K2z Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I would suggest journaling. Or write her daily letters that you don't necessarily send. At some point, broach the topic of couples counseling.
OnlyBelieve Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Don't give up or lose hope. It can turn around to be the best marriage imaginable. Take a baby steps. Be consistent in what you would like to begin doing for her, the kids and your marriage. I recommend going to counseling beginning with yourself and marriage counseling. Be prepared for the challenges and stay strong. I recommend calling Focus On The Family. They can provide you with a referral or possibly counsel you for free. They stand behind keeping marriages and families together. I pray that your marriage will be restored and the healing for all the pain. I pray that you and your wife have the unconditional love for each other that you have never experience before. I also pray that you will become the husband and father that you dreamed to be. Almost for got, here's the number to Focus On The Family 1-855-771-HELP Also, there's a book titled "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I recommend getting it for both of you and reading it. It's about "Each person has a primary love language that we must learn to speak if we want that person to feel loved." Blessings!
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