Samuel_22 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Hi everyone 41 days have passed since BU...and I have progressed significantly since day 1 of BU,(or so I think) I read it else where that when it comes to break up there are some stages, that people will go through, to get back to their normal lives...the thing I noticed is that all I am doing is going back and forth in these stages... Originally posted else where (Stages of BU) 1. Desperate For Answers2. Denial 3. Grieving/Anger 4. Initial acceptance 5. Acceptance So where am I know? Stuck in stages 3,4,5...there are days I feel I am fine with the fact that she is not here any more, I feel full of confidence, and I feel ok we had major differences (Acceptance), it could not have worked at all, and then days that I feel I have to accept this since, there is nothing I can do (Initial acceptance) and there are days like to today, I think I wanna cry all day (Grieving) though it is nowhere as bad as it was on day 1, still it hurts... How can I avoid things trigger the pain? There are things I have no control over, and these stimuli trigger the pain... For instance, a couple of days ago the weather was rainy where I live, and this fact that she kept telling me how much she loved rain, just made me go back all the way... I can't stop seeing these nightmares at nights, I don't even know whether I should seek help or it is normal after 42 days? Or I saw her yesterday syndrome: Well this is one of those things I have to live with, her house is attached to the school where I teach, and on any given there is a possibility to see her, yesterday for example I saw her, she did not see me, but I can't forget how men used to give her the look while she was walking down the street (it was really painful) Should I force myself to move on? I sometime think, I am not going anywhere if I continue at this rate, or it is gonna take too long to heal, I have been thinking of moving on recently, to bury what is left of the rs... but people keep telling me, not only isn't this beneficial it will also make things worse for me.... just don't know what to do anymore If you have similar experiences regarding what I am going through, I would be glad to hear Thank you all
drseuss Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 well as you know even at the 2 month mark i had a bit of a moment but it always passes and i always feel even better each time i think you are over analyzing and trying to oragnize the situation , as a teacher i can imagine you like things to be very factual and your trying to be very logical in your thought process but you cant trick your mind after a break up and you have to feel these emotions to get over them , the fact is what we are going through will always be up and down , you will miss her and long for her and then you will not think about her and feel like you are over her you just have to ride it out , you already know it takes time and 41 days isnt long ,2 months isnt long and 4 months isnt that long so there is a few more weeks of this to come 1
Liono84 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 It's still going to take time. There's no way around it. If you try to hide the pain, it's only going to prolong it. I'm at the two month mark myself, and I still go through up's and down's. I think it's only normal and that it will continue this way for a bit longer, but it's getting much better. I'm going to say something which has worked for me in some ways that you may try to apply as well; Try to stop spending time online reading stuff that reminds you about your breakup. At the very least, cut that down significantly. I know, easier said than done, but it will help you. Don't get me wrong, this place was and still is therapeutic to me in countless ways, especially in beginning and middle stages. However, after awhile I caught myself realizing that the more I spent hours reading the forums or just googling stuff online related to my feelings, my dumpers feelings post-breakup, the more I was inviting the pain and actively remembering the past. You sort of have to break that habit and focus your time and energy on something entirely different. That was not the best thing for me in the beginning, but it now is. I still do, but it's mostly just at the end of the night for me, now, whereas before it was throughout the day. 1
drseuss Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 It's still going to take time. There's no way around it. If you try to hide the pain, it's only going to prolong it. I'm at the two month mark myself, and I still go through up's and down's. I think it's only normal and that it will continue this way for a bit longer, but it's getting much better. I'm going to say something which has worked for me in some ways that you may try to apply as well; Try to stop spending time online reading stuff that reminds you about your breakup. At the very least, cut that down significantly. I know, easier said than done, but it will help you. Don't get me wrong, this place was and still is therapeutic to me in countless ways, especially in beginning and middle stages. However, after awhile I caught myself realizing that the more I spent hours reading the forums or just googling stuff online related to my feelings, my dumpers feelings post-breakup, the more I was inviting the pain and actively remembering the past. You sort of have to break that habit and focus your time and energy on something entirely different. That was not the best thing for me in the beginning, but it now is. I still do, but it's mostly just at the end of the night for me, now, whereas before it was throughout the day. I'm not at 2 months and I have literaly in the last couple of days had that thought that I'm reading too much online and it keeps your mind in the "breakup state" so I'm going to cut back too , but same as you at the start it was a life line 2
Liono84 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) I'm not at 2 months and I have literaly in the last couple of days had that thought that I'm reading too much online and it keeps your mind in the "breakup state" so I'm going to cut back too , but same as you at the start it was a life line Drseuss; Try is for a few days. Try as hard as you possibly can to consciously not spend time online with the forums or any other online avenue that talks about breakups. You will see that this will tremendously help. Again, in no way shape or form am I advocating that this place hasn't helped, because it has, and it has immensely! I still come here but less and less frequent. There comes a time where the grieving stops and the healing starts and in order to that, you must truly let go, in every way. Sure, I still think about my ex, and will prob do so for some time longer. But if you actively engage your time and effort on reading, re-reading and googling about your breakup and your feelings, than you're only thinking about your ex and the past. You have to break the habit. LET GO. Edited September 22, 2015 by Liono84 1
dumbass2 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 The other posters are right. Give this online stuff a break for a bit. Don't look things up online. You have enough information right now. Going back and forth on the different stages is completely normal. You can go back and forth, up and down and in no particular order. Eventually you get through all of them, but some are easier than others. Hang in there. 1
Author Samuel_22 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Thank you so much...what I read here was really insightful, I can't thank you enough for your guidelines and tips....I sometimes wonder where would I be now without you people, and your help, well I finally found the courage to cut the last string which sort of attached me to my ex... I deleted her phone number on day 1 of break up... but I had written her phone number down in a notebook I always carried with me, don't know, but all of a sudden I sort of felt that piece of paper gave me some false hopes, I had to cut all my attachments to her, sort of, suddenly that piece of paper felt like one, I torn that piece of paper into small pieces and tossed it...I hope I wont regret this ,but I think, I did what I had to do... suddenly I feel much stronger now, how did a piece of paper, make me feel weak, I dunno And a good piece of news is that an old friend of mine, one of my exes who had moved to California to study biology contacted me today, we did not talk much but she said she had missed me and etc... her showing approval, sort of made my day, strange, but I am learning something... ''Break ups are only hard because we are rejected by someone.'' So getting approval from anyone, specially another ex who knows you very well, boosts your self esteem and your ego to the extent, you wanna fly )) how did she know I needed that? beats me... I wish I could tell her the story, and thank her for her compliments, which reminded me I am worthy of affection and love... And yes I am going to take a break from loveshack...I love this site and all people here, but taking some time off, might help... I don't know if I can resist this one, I am sort of addicted to this website...) seriously it is one of my hobbies to come to this website, but I will give it a try at least 1
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