nvrhadagirlfriend Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 So, I've only turned 18 this year and I've never had a girlfriend yet. I met this girl at uni who I cannot stop thinking about. I'd usually just see her once a week during class and talked to her a few times. She's in the same group as me in the class, I'm worried that me being too quiet will put a bad impression on me. Now that semester has ended, I won't be able to see her again (most likely) and right now I can't stop thinking about her... I'm not sure what to do.
Sean Yaho Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 This use to happen to me all the time. I'd see a girl I was attracted to and I'd start daydreaming, which is normal, then I'd start developing feelings for her sooner or later only to go home and talk about her and how awesome she is to my friends or just include her in my daydreams.... Pickup artists call this "oneitis" the feeling of thinking someone is special and perfect in every way. Psychologist friends of mine call it the Fantasy bond and say it can even happen while dating someone. I only bring up the pickup artist thing to show you how common these feelings and emotions are. I don't recommend listening to any of them. (Pickup guys) So how did I get over it? Two things that I did to help me get over the fantasy bond: 1- I learnt to walk up and talk to a girl whenever I felt attracted to them. I didn't have to shoot for gold but as long as I made a good impression, from there I'd get their name and say hi whenever possible. Then I'd build rapport and banter a bit until I was comfortable to ask for a date... or I'd realize this girl wasn't for me and move on. Now all that takes allot of practice and experience. There's a lot of getting over social anxiety involved, but you have to start somewhere. 2- Start dating other people. Sucks to say it but from what you posted you probably know extremely little about this girl. You two could be as compatible as the wrong sides of a magnate, so saying that it shouldn't be that hard to find someone new and even more attractive than this girl. You may miss the initial spark due to your prior feelings, but it's a good way to realize who else is out there. If I could give you one word of advice after all that, it'd be: Use this experience to better yourself in the future. The next time you see a girl you're attracted to resort to remembering what you went through the last time you didn't attempt to talk to her and get to know her.... Use it as motivation and you'll be surprised on how resilient you can be. 1
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