GH101 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) I am close to my parents and siblings. I don't have many friends or date really. I am unemployed for now because I couldn't pass math to get my AA degree. However, my extended family thinks I got my AA degree and I just say I am tutoring and saving up for my BA. I don't drive. I consider myself an attractive early 20's female. However, extended family members think I am a loser for an unknown reason. They all think and act like I have no friends, ever date or have any type of life. I have no idea why they think this. I see them a few times a year and they barely talk to me. When they do run into me I am usually with my parents/siblings, but again they run into me maybe once a year at a mall. I don't really bring up friends/dating to them, but again only see them a few times a year. Every time I mention to them about a friend or guy I was dating my extended family acts shocked and confused like why weren't they weren't told sooner I had friends or went on a date. Again even though I don't have many friends or date really, there is no reason my family should think this. My parents went to a wedding recently and extended family asked where I was and my parents said on a date and they were shocked. Another wedding my parents attended they told people I was with friends and again they were shocked. I just get annoyed and have no idea why family members just assume I am a loser sitting at home. I don't put much on FB, but so what? I just hate when my extended family assumes things that they have no reason to assume. My extended family thinks my other cousins have a ton of friends, date a lot etc. However, they see and talk to family the exact same as me. My extended family doesn't even really talk to me because they just assume nothing is new with me, then when they over hear I was out with friends or went somewhere they act shocked. Would this annoy you? Edited September 22, 2015 by GH101
Taramere Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) If the behaviour you're talking about is coming from aunts or uncles who have often clashed with your own parents then all this could be more about those family tensions playing out than having anything to do with you. Basically, yes - I'd find it annoying, but probably in an "I wish I had better extended family than this bunch" sort of way. What you're describing sounds rude, catty and not very supportive behaviour - which says more about them than it does about you. When people behave like that it's usually because they're generally catty, and don't really need much of an excuse or reason to act it out. All that said, it's best ignored. Whether tactlessness comes from malice or stupidity, neither source is something to be applauded or paid much attention. As an addendum, their reaction to you not being at the weddings might have more to do with annoyance that you didn't attend than with shock that you go on dates/have friends. Depends on whose wedding it was, though. Edited September 22, 2015 by Taramere 2
Author GH101 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 If the behaviour you're talking about is coming from aunts or uncles who have often clashed with your own parents then all this could be more about those family tensions playing out than having anything to do with you. Basically, yes - I'd find it annoying, but probably in an "I wish I had better extended family than this bunch" sort of way. What you're describing sounds rude, catty and not very supportive behaviour - which says more about them than it does about you. When people behave like that it's usually because they're generally catty, and don't really need much of an excuse or reason to act it out. All that said, it's best ignored. Whether tactlessness comes from malice or stupidity, neither source is something to be applauded or paid much attention. As an addendum, their reaction to you not being at the weddings might have more to do with annoyance that you didn't attend than with shock that you go on dates/have friends. Depends on whose wedding it was, though. I wasn't invited to the weddings, just my parents. My family can be catty, rude and critical. I just hate when they assume things about me. They think my other cousins are out living life and I'm just sitting at home with my brother and sister lol.
purdyPeas Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 My parents went to a wedding recently and extended family asked where I was and my parents said on a date and they were shocked. Another wedding my parents attended they told people I was with friends and again they were shocked. Who is telling you that extended family is shocked? Did you witness any of this potentially taken out of context or overblown senerio conversations? No? oh. 2
ufo8mycat Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 by your own admission you see these people a few times a year. I am at a loss as to why you think you occupy their thoughts all the time. This seems a lot of cognitive effort for people you see infrequently. I wonder if you are projecting your own concerns. No, it wouldn't annoy me - mostly because I don't care what my extended family think about me. I wouldn't be spending too much time analysing third hand information. Did your parents tell you that people looked shocked when told you were on a date? Do they say things to you directly? 2
Author GH101 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 My parents told me they were shocked and grilled them about who these friends were. They have also acted shocked and confused when I mention friends or dating to them. It just annoys me the assumptions these people make about me even if I only see them three or four times a year.
purdyPeas Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) I'm guessing some parents can be manipulative control freaks, especially if they are paying for your college tuition and letting you still live at home after the age of 18. Sometimes, parents are not very nice, emotionally or mentally. They are just still people after all. Sounds like you are being objectified by them. Perhaps it is their way of teasing you.....trying to push you to do things or strive harder by belittling you. Scapegoating. Edited September 24, 2015 by purdyPeas
Author GH101 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 I'm guessing some parents can be manipulative control freaks, especially if they are paying for your college tuition and letting you still live at home after the age of 18. Sometimes, parents are not very nice, emotionally or mentally. They are just still people after all. Sounds like you are being objectified by them. Perhaps it is their way of teasing you.....trying to push you to do things or strive harder by belittling you. Scapegoating. No I'm not talking about my parents, I was referring to other family members such as aunts, uncles, cousins. My parents are so supportive and I am very close with them. I was just at a family party and I told my aunt I went out with a few guys from this volunteer group I belong to and she almost passed out from being so shocked. She didn't know I went on dates because I didn't tell her; absurd. I only see and talk to this aunt a handful of times a year. My extended family assumes I have no friends or date because they weren't told and my FB isn't plastered with pictures of it.
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