Brooke42 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 So awhile back I had posted about my dating life and how this guy had just cut things off with me and given no warning. I'm completely over it. However, now, I've reconnected with a guy friend that I had during my college days. I haven't physically seen him in almost 3 years, but we have been keeping up with each other a lot over the past year. We've always remained in touch. Well recently....i'd say about 3 weeks ago, he told me be has feelings for me, that he always really liked me but he could never make a move in college because I had a boyfriend. He's told me he really really likes me and wants to make it work with me. He lives a little over an hour away from me right now. I've had a lot of bad luck with guys for a long time. I will get my hopes up and then they will leave. The more I get to know this friend, the more I like him. He sent me flowers to my house today. I haven't gotten flowers from a guy since high school. I'm enjoying everything right now but I know that physically being together will be very hard. It would require one of us to move and make some serious life decisions, but at this point I want it more than anything. Here is a major setback for me. The last time this guy saw me was 3 years ago..I was probably 30 pounds lighter (I'm not heavy right now, I was too thin then). But my stomach isn't as tiny as it used to be. I'm also worried that this guy will do a run away act just like every other guy before him. I'm so excited every day when we talk, but then again I wonder if I should ever even get my hopes up. I keep thinking that when he meets up with me it won't be the girl he remembers and finds so beautiful. He's seen me, just over a camera or a computer. I'm worried I'll dissappoint him. Of course I've voiced my concerns to him and he tells me there's no way I could dissappoint him in that way. I'm trying not to let my insecurities ruin this, but I can see myself getting more and more insecure as the days go on. I'm not the person he knew then. I'm worried he will take one look at me and say "wow I waited around all this time for this? I could have someone better." This guy doesn't think he's cute, he actually thinks he's way out of my league, when in fact I think he's out of mine.I just want to be secure in this, I don't want to worry but I can't help to think back on every guy that's made promises and left, and it makes me wonder if I should even be happy about all this or terrified. I'm scared of what he will think when he sees me. He tells me im the most gorgeous girl ever, but It scares me to think he might not think that when he sees me in person. Any thoughts?
Zippy2000 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Its only been 3 years. That isnt a huge timeframe. Besides when you say you reconnected. How did you reconnect?
Maggie4 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 You said you are not overweight now. So that's good and healthy. Maybe he thought you were too thin back then but liked you anyway in spite of it. And now that you are at a normal weight, it's even better! Most guys just like women to look healthy, not anorexic.
Toodaloo Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Brooke You are approaching this all wrong. All you are doing is thinking about going to meet up with an old school chum. So pull out your best party pants and you mascara and go have some fun. Quit looking at this as you have to get on and get into a relationship with this guy. Start looking at it as you have a friend that you have known for a long time and you are looking to reconnect. Oh and let us know how it goes. 2
Coraline Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 So awhile back I had posted about my dating life and how this guy had just cut things off with me and given no warning. I'm completely over it. However, now, I've reconnected with a guy friend that I had during my college days. I haven't physically seen him in almost 3 years, but we have been keeping up with each other a lot over the past year. We've always remained in touch. Well recently....i'd say about 3 weeks ago, he told me be has feelings for me, that he always really liked me but he could never make a move in college because I had a boyfriend. He's told me he really really likes me and wants to make it work with me. He lives a little over an hour away from me right now. I've had a lot of bad luck with guys for a long time. I will get my hopes up and then they will leave. The more I get to know this friend, the more I like him. He sent me flowers to my house today. I haven't gotten flowers from a guy since high school. I'm enjoying everything right now but I know that physically being together will be very hard. It would require one of us to move and make some serious life decisions, but at this point I want it more than anything. Here is a major setback for me. The last time this guy saw me was 3 years ago..I was probably 30 pounds lighter (I'm not heavy right now, I was too thin then). But my stomach isn't as tiny as it used to be. I'm also worried that this guy will do a run away act just like every other guy before him. I'm so excited every day when we talk, but then again I wonder if I should ever even get my hopes up. I keep thinking that when he meets up with me it won't be the girl he remembers and finds so beautiful. He's seen me, just over a camera or a computer. I'm worried I'll dissappoint him. Of course I've voiced my concerns to him and he tells me there's no way I could dissappoint him in that way. I'm trying not to let my insecurities ruin this, but I can see myself getting more and more insecure as the days go on. I'm not the person he knew then. I'm worried he will take one look at me and say "wow I waited around all this time for this? I could have someone better." This guy doesn't think he's cute, he actually thinks he's way out of my league, when in fact I think he's out of mine.I just want to be secure in this, I don't want to worry but I can't help to think back on every guy that's made promises and left, and it makes me wonder if I should even be happy about all this or terrified. I'm scared of what he will think when he sees me. He tells me im the most gorgeous girl ever, but It scares me to think he might not think that when he sees me in person. Any thoughts? Go for it!! I had to go back and check how far you said the distance was between you two. For some reason I was thinking across the country or something, which would complicate things. But an hours drive away is manageable! At least meet up once and feel things out. I think it's too soon to worry about how hard it would be for one of you to move; you have to find out if you really have chemistry first! Then that's a conversation to revisit in the future. I think you'll always wonder if you don't try! Good luck and let us know what happens!
Author Brooke42 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Thanks for your replies:) The situation is a bit complicated. I have very low self-esteem and have been used a lot. My ex was very abusive toward me, and since our breakup, every guy I have been with has used me. I have almost given up altogether, because I'm tired of guys lying to me, promising they will be there for me, and then leaving. I had briefly dated a guy recently, and he ended up leaving too. This friend of mine, he reached out to me. We went to college together, met my sophomore year while I was with my abusive ex, we were teammates on a coed team together. He avoided talking to me a lot because my ex was insane but we kept in contact after he left. We didn't talk everyday. It started out as maybe one or twice a month, progressed to weekly, and then daily and here we are now. We always just talked as friends. However, very recently he confessed to having feelings for me..to always having a slight crush on me during college, but never pursuing it because I was with someone. He told me he could really see himself with me and wants to make it work. Like I said he lives an hour away from me, and in order to be together long term one of us would have to move...probably me because the town i'm in right now is hell. I truly care for him...more than I've cared about anyone in a long time. This hasn't been going on very long but so far he's done everything right. He says he's going to come see me as soon as possible. He sent flowers to my doorstep. Here's where my problem lies. I always get my hopes up. And every guy turns out the same. They end up leaving. And what I have going on with this guy right now is going to be EXTREMELY difficult. I don't have a car right now , he would be the one having to come see me at the moment. I am a new college graduate and I still don't have a job. Also another problem. I'm afraid he is going to get tired of dealing with never seeing me and he will give up and go for someone who is a lot easier to be with. Of course he promises he won't, but all guys say things like that. Another thing..when we were in college I was super tiny. I had an eating disorder so my stomach was completely flat. I didn't look unhealthy, just tiny. Well that's when he knew me and that's the only image he has to go by of me, except when we snapchat...which is almost everyday. I'm not fat now, but I'm nowhere as thin as I was then, and I'm so worried about him seeing me for the first time in years and being disappointed. I could get so excited about being with him, and then he could realize I'm not the person he knew then, which was technically a kid. I don't think I'm pretty enough for him, he is gorgeous. But I find myself on edge about it....today especially. Even now I'm worried because I sent him an ugly face snapchat and he stopped texting me back two hours ago. I sound like a middle school girl. But I'm so worried that it's sad. I'm worried I'm not going to be enough for him, and he will leave...just like everyone else.
kassy Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Ok you need to get a grip! Calm down! As other posters said you just need to meet him and catch up, see if there is any chemistry there for a start. You don't need to worry about a relationship or anything at this point. He is an hour away... That's not far, just meet up sometime as soon as possible and don't project into the future, just be present.
Guyouthere Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I was there for a girl, saved her life even, and certainly changed it and gave her freedom, literraly… Only to go 4000 miles and a ring and money (that I sent her so she could eat) and have her tell me she was disappointed in me, that I wasn't what she had pictured in her head. So yes, there are evil people in the world.
Guyouthere Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 I was there for a girl, saved her life even, and certainly changed it and gave her freedom, literally… Only to go 4000 miles and a ring and money (that I sent her so she could eat) and have her tell me she was disappointed in me, that I wasn't what she had pictured in her head. So yes, there are evil people in the world.
xcupid Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You're investing way too much emotion into this and fantasizing about a future which may or may not happen. Meet him. See how things progress. That`s it. You`re not in a relationship. It might not develop any further. If things work out and he wants a relationship, he`ll put the effort into seeing you. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You are coming up with all sorts of excuses to not pursue this relationship. You're scared, right? I really think you should try to move, maybe to his town or better. You don't like where you live now, but there's no reason to be there since you graduated and not yet working. Apply for jobs at a location you want to be. Get a car. You see I am taking away all your excuses! This guy has been good to you. Why should he pay for the bad things your ex did to you? Why not give him a fair chance?
Qboro90 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 When did you start to have feelings for this guy? When he told you that he liked you during college and now he has his chance? Because that would mean that you really just fell for the first person to boost your confidence and make you feel good and excited. You will constantly deal with these issues in dating until you find your own self worth and value. Relying on a guy or relationship to be happy is going to end horribly each time because there's too much pressure and focus put onto it. You need to be completely happy and ok with being single and alone before you can enter a healthy relationship. He wouldn't still be talking to you if he wasn't attracted to you. I'm sure you have social media. Pictures there and through snap chat. He knows what you look like currently. Forget thinking about that. Don't let guys kno what you are insecure about or else you risk having some ken exploit that in order to manipulate your emotions. If he says he's gonna do everything he can to make it work then you should start asking for his plan of action. When is he gonna come visit you? Get a date set. Don't text as much. You're being overly available. Where's the mystery and challenge? If he knows that all he has to do is send flowers and show up and you'll jump at the chance to be his girlfriend then he'll never give you the effort and devotion you deserve. Don't give away your heart and trust so quickly. I know it's tough and you think that you're in a bad place right now. You're a college grab who has a degree and you're whole life ahead of you. The job will come as long as you keep searching and being proactive with setting up interviews.
Omei Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 In all your posts you have a fixation on what your exs have done and are obsessing over what the future will be like with this guy. Your emotional as others say and getting way ahead of yourself. To me it seems you have work on your insecurities first. Relationships are not guaranteed to last forever even with the nicest of guys. 2
Redhead14 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 The OP needs to stop projecting past relationship scenarios into current situations and to stop projecting into the future. She needs to be in the moment. She needs to accept herself and love herself the way she is and be able to accept that whatever her current situation is may not be what works for this guy or any guy, not because there's anything wrong with her, it's just not what works for them if they move on. 1
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