She likes someone else

[7675]

So, i'll try keep this short.

 

Met a girl through a friend about a month ago. We got to know each other. I was interested, she also showed interest and I asked her out.

 

We went out the weekend before this past one (the 12th). I had asked her out again for last weekend and she agreed, but on the day she flaked (woke up feeling ill) i asked if she wanted me to go see her the next day (sunday) but she never got back to me. We carried on speaking as if nothing had happened for the rest of sunday.

 

I could tell that something was off, but yesterday I asked her out again to see what was up. She didnt respond for the whole day. So last night, we had a chat and she confessed that she had feelings for someone else. They weren't together or anything, they just hung out and watched movies nd stuff. They had never spoken about each other as more than friends

 

So, my problem is that I like her, and she admitted that she is interested in me, and that there's a chance we could be together. But I dont know what to do moving forward. A part of me thinks i should let it go, but another part of me thinks she's worth pursuing.

 

Any advice?

[Zippy2000]

I ll have an honest conversation with you. She told you she is interestedin somone else but also interested in you.

 

Its called a positive knock back. You give a reason WHY she doesnt want to be with you but leaves you with a positive note.

 

We do this in business everyday. You give someone feedback and its called a "sh*t" sandwhich. What this means is you give good points about someone one. In the middle (the filling of the sandwhich) is where you deliver the cr*p and leave on a positive note.

 

 

She`s just let you down kindly. I hate to use the phrase "move on". Its not as eay as that. Its like telling a drug addict to stop using drugs.

 

I saw to help your chance of meeting someone. Speak to other girls and if you can get out more and you will meet another person you will click with and wants to be with you and not someone else.

[7675]

Thanks for that response, and I hear you. I am 99% ready to just move on.

 

But lets just humour that other 1% for moment...

 

Lets just say that she is interested. Lets just say everything she said was true, and she can see us being together. How would you deal with that? What would you do to try move things forward?

[Zippy2000]

ok, I hear you. Lets play the game for that 1% which mathematically speaking. You have a very slim chacne of winning.

 

If she is interested which she is clearly not. Shes already giving you your Sh*t sandwhich and she`s already cancelled on you. How many times do I have to post on this forum that if a person is into you. Its in their actions.

 

They would have agreed to meet up with you and if they couldnt then they would offer you a counter offer for another day.

 

This isnt going to work as cleaqrly from the start she has told you indirectly.

 

I ll tell you whats going to happen. You`ll keep pursing her. You `ll make her feel uncomfortable. She`ll run out of excuses and she WILL stop talking to you.

 

Do as I say. Disappear, talk to other girls, be open minded. Your putting all your eggs in one basket right now and you `ll break all your eggs.

 

When and IF she wants to you she`ll come back. She knows where you are. One day she might think. Hold on a mo. That bloke 7575 was actually a decent bloke and she will come looking for you and when she does. Guess what? You ll be with someone else. She was too late!

[7675]

"mathematically speaking" hahaha I think you took the humour part a bit too literally.

 

But I get what you're saying, and I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket. I'm not going to relentlessly pursue her either, but I won't close the door on this whole thing.

 

I might ask her out again much later on. And yeah yeah, I know, most people will say thats stupid, but whatever. If she says yes, cool. If she says no, cool.

[road]

"mathematically speaking" hahaha I think you took the humour part a bit too literally.

 

But I get what you're saying, and I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket. I'm not going to relentlessly pursue her either, but I won't close the door on this whole thing.

 

I might ask her out again much later on. And yeah yeah, I know, most people will say thats stupid, but whatever. If she says yes, cool. If she says no, cool.

 

 

 

 

Do you realize that you were dumped, for the better option, at least in her mind?

 

 

There is no more asking her out. All that shines is not gold, she may come to realize this other man may be a dud and she will come looking for you and may be she still will not want you.

 

 

A year from now if you hear that she and this new guy are through you can take a chance and ask one more time.

[Zippy2000]

"mathematically speaking" hahaha I think you took the humour part a bit too literally.

 

Nah, not really. I was being sarcastic.

 

Listen. I admire your persistence with this girl. You sound like me and being open minded. However you sound like me when I was younger and thought persistence pays off.

 

In my experience now. Yes, sometimes it does but more often or not it doesnt.

 

I ve learned now that sometime when you drop off the radar and do something else. They can sometimes come back to you.

 

I ve had 3 incidences this has happened but it my be months or a few years down the line. I had one girl who said no to me and 4 years later and after 4 failed relationships. She remembered me as I never played games with her and she came back. I had lost interest.

 

Good luck whatever you choose in life.

[mammasita]

She's afraid of being mean to you and told you straight up she's into someone else. Stop rationalizing and move on. Don't waste your time on her.

[lino]

She isn't interested, move on.

[7675]

Zippy, i hope you know that you may have ruined sandwiches for me.

 

But seriously, thanks for the advice people. I often hate the blunt, harsh reactions you tend to get on this forum. But they tend to be the truth, thats why I stick around.

 

Good day to all of you

[katiegrl]

7675, ever heard of *selective thinking*?

 

That's exactly what you're doing.

 

Hearing the part about maybe being with you one day but completely ignoring the part where she said SHE IS INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE.

 

Sorry for yelling that, but wanted to make sure you heard it.

 

Don't be foolish, she is throwing you a crumb in case it does not work with the guy she REALLY likes.

 

In her mind, you're okay to date if she's got nothing else.

 

At most, she sees you as a friend, don't project your feelings on to her and don't kid yourself.

 

If she were into you, she would NOT have told you she is into SOMEONE ELSE.

 

Sorry, but you would be wise to move on from this one...

[jam.over.jelly]

At least she's honest with you, rather than lead u on and keep u in the dark. I give her credits for that. But honestly though, don't waste your time with her, she's always gonna just have lukewarm interest in u.

[stillafool]

If the other guy wants her too she will be in a relationship. Don't ask her out again because it will annoy her. She was trying to let you down easy while still being somewhat honest. Just move on. Why would you still want to date someone who has told you they are interested in someone else?

[7675]

Emotions mate. Emotions and logic don't often go together. Sometimes you just can't help it. You get addicted to the feelings or whatever, even if you know its bad for you.

 

Sometimes telling a guy to get over a girl because she's not good for him is like telling a smoker to get over smoking because its not good for him. The smoker probably knows that already, but he can't help it.

 

Anyway, I'm not going to try anything else with her. Just going to move past it

[katiegrl]

Your smoking comparison was a bad analogy because it takes years to become addicted to smoking, and breaking that addiction causes a very uncomfortable physiological response.

 

Same with breaking an addiction to drugs or even a very intense long term physical and emotional relationship.

 

How long have you known this chick. ..one month?

 

I don't buy you "can't help it." It's a cop out IMO.....of course you can "help" it.

 

Which you now have chosen to do .... which is good to hear.

 

Wish you the best moving forward..

[7675]

Who says one can't develop strong feelings for someone within a month?

But fair enough. It was just an example.

 

My point is, you can't choose who you like. It just happens. And even if she says she likes someone else, that doesn't instantly mean I dislike her. I do like this girl, I can't fight that.

 

But what I can do is put myself into a position where I might get over her. Thats what I plan on doing.

[katiegrl]

Who says one can't develop strong feelings for someone within a month?

But fair enough. It was just an example.

 

My point is, you can't choose who you like. It just happens. And even if she says she likes someone else, that doesn't instantly mean I dislike her. I do like this girl, I can't fight that.

 

But what I can do is put myself into a position where I might get over her. Thats what I plan on doing.

 

Oh I know one can't help how they feel...

 

But they certainly can help what do with those feelings.

 

Which means realizing she likes someone else, and not entertaining notions that you have a chance with her (no matter what BS she feeds you). Which was what you were doing earlier in the thread.

 

But hey .... good for you for recognizing what a futile waste of time and energy doing that is!

 

And taking appropriate steps to move on from your feelings.

 

Again, wish you the best!

[7675]

I know. Guess it was just wishful thinking.

 

Thank you