pinkpositive Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 :(Hi Everyone! I just want to ask some advise regarding my problem that Im facing right now. I feel so confused, Guilty, Lonely and lost. I've been in a good relationship before for 8 years and when I was still in 4th year college that time I accidentally got Pregnant and I decided to abort the baby, I was 4month pregnant that time. Reasons for me to do it because I have so many goals and dreams in life that I want to achieve and having a baby is never been in my mind. I was really so confused that time. No one knows I had this experience only my ex bf. I kept it to myself too since abortion is illegal in my country. As I graduated in College I decided to move from another city cos i still cannot move on with my life as I really felt o guilty from what i did and also the reason why me and my 8yrs bf broke up. .I promised to myself that I will not do it again and no one will know about this. Currently I have a foreigner Boyfriend, We've been in a relationship online for 2 years and we just met in person last month, we stayed together for a week. We have lots of plans and dreams we want to achieve and we still dont want to have baby. Unfortunately I got pregnant by him. We both dont want this. He asked me to abort it which is also really hard for me cos I know how it feels and it takes time to recover mentally. He kept on convincing me the advantages of aborting the baby and I also agreed to do it. Im living alone in my own place. Just last Week I did medical abortion without anyone knows about this only my Bf and me. It was really a nightmare for me cos no one to take good care of me and i have to do it on my own unlike before my ex was there. Now, I'm physically recovered but I didnt know mentally Im not yet Ok. I'm having hard time to sleep cos everytime I close my eyes I see all the flashbacks, The pain and the Process of abortion. I feel like I want my baby back. My bf is trying hard to help me but it seems like its not working. I feel so guilty, shame, hate myself, lonely and lost. I dont know how to move forward cos it seems like the past kept on pushing me back. I tried to move on from the past experience i had and I never thought it will happen again. I really dont know what to do anymore how to forget and move forward cos everything is just so confusing a lot. Question that I have is : Do I need to tell my Bf that Ive been pregnant before and also went for abortion? Would it help me move forward? Would he be there for me and still accept me? Please help me.
Madicat Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Hello, first No I don't think you need to tell your boyfriend anything, but if you were to tell him that it might make you feel better and it might give him a better understanding of why your having a hard time recovering. With moving forward I'm sure it wont be easy but just try to see yourself as a strong women who is in control of her life and if your religious it might help to pray about it. Lastly there is no reason why your boyfriend would not accept you if you were to tell him, everyone has a past and that's okay what matters is who you are now. 1
Author pinkpositive Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Hi. Thank you so much for your advise. I really appreciate it. You think its really a big deal for a relationship if Ive been hiding my past experience? and this shouldn't affect our relationship right? Thanks!
OnlyBelieve Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I am sorry that you are feeling all this guilt and shame. To answer your question, I don't think by telling your boyfriend will help you move on. What's important is you accepting you. Forgiving yourself from the past decisions, choices and actions that you have made. That's the only thing that's going to help you move on. No relying on anyone else to accept you for who you are You have to know who you are and accept yourself, forgive yourself and pray for a way on how to do that. I pray that you can forgive yourself and your wounds will be healed. I also pray that you will find the peace that you need to move forward so you can be free to be that strong woman that you designed to be. You are valuable! You can always reach out if you need advice, assistance, help, encouragement or someone to pray for you Blessings!!
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