GF always yelling at me

[spitfire3416]

My girlfriend of nearly 3 years seem to be growing apart. We keep getting in more and more fights and they're always being started by her. She wants to get married and is tired of waiting. This is the excuse she likes to use as of recently. Before that it was about us living long distance for a year. Before that it was that "You don't think things through". I honestly feel like she has a bad temper but she won't ever acknowledge it as the cause to when we're fighting. I see her do it to her parents and her friends too. Every time when we get in a big fight she just walks around the house ignoring me. We recently got in a big fight yesterday going to her friends wedding. I was 10 minutes late getting ready and she was laying into me like I killed her cats. So I fired back and basically just exploded on her. I get tired of feeling like a doormat to her. It took a while to try and put on a happy smile during the wedding and as the night progressed we seemed to be getting along again. Then another fight broke out over the dumbest thing imaginable when we got back to the hotel. I ripped into her even harder. I was drunk, yes, but none the less I was pretty furious about what she did, or I guess said. It's just non stop with her. She yells at me if I put the wrong # plastic into the recycling. "Milk containers don't go in the ****ing recycling!" or it's yelling at me while I'm driving "You missed the ****ing turn, what's wrong with you, you never pay attention!" But if she ever does something like that while she's driving "I simply say "it's ok babe just take the next turn and turn around" I'm starting to feel like were just two very different people. She's very calculated, organized and basically just high strung. Very type A. Where as I'm your typical type B. Laid back, easy going and much more calm about situations. Do I just give up? I love her but I feel like she has bi-polar or something. Her moods are just so drastic and will change at a moments notice.

[Oregon_Dude]

Well, you'd better marry her, or boy, is she gonna be pissed.

[d0nnivain]

There is no reason for rudeness. . . ever. No matter your mood or your Type A personality.

 

 

When I was younger I would blow up at BFs for the stupidest things like putting the milk container in the garbage when it belongs in the recycle.

 

 

As I got older & more mature, before I yell and especially when I want to yell I take a deep breath & think about whether I would like to be spoken to this way if I was on the receiving end. 99x/100 I am able to reign myself in, take another breath & speak my peace calmly.

 

 

DH & I still snap occasionally. I can be very Type A & OCD about stuff. He usually just snarks that I should "do it myself." When he says that even in the snottiest tone I realize it is a reaction to me being snippy to him. I try to say sorry & take a deep breath to calmly explain why mine is the "right: way. It's a matter of self control.

[mrs rubble]

Have you tried humoring her? My man is like your woman highly strung and organized and I'm the laid back one.

Your getting ready for the wedding incident reminds me of the time my man wanted us to leave "really early" on our holiday. I woke up at 3.30am and he was packing all his gear in the car, I just stayed resting until I couldn't ignore him anymore, then got up put my gear in the car and left. At 5.00am we were well on our way, so I posted on Facebook "Already at Halfway town as Mr.Organised was packing the pillows from under my head at 3.30am" His kids thought my post was hilarious, and replied with "sounds like dad!!"

He's very patient with me now, I sometimes still tease him about leaving early for things, by suggesting we take my car because it doesn't need to leave as early as his.

[casey.lives]

to help her calm down.. she needs to see that you're more serious than she perceives. laughing and childish clingyness would only amplify her anger and send her into a tail spin of fear because you are reinforcing your lack of seriousness. Anger is a valid emotion and trying to "minimize" it through laughing or pampering is disrespectful. Try and get to the root of the anger .. don't try and mask it with kindergarten style attention deficit caretaker strategies. 3 yrs and you don't know how to mitigate with your girl... i'd start consider the exit.

[bubbaganoosh]

And she wants to get married? Friend your getting a free preview of your life with her.............free preview. Is this what you want?

 

You want to spend years and years fighting, screaming, name calling and in the end dividing everything up, losing your shirt and still fighting?

 

Don't you know when enough is enough. Look I know you'll say we don't fight all the time and when we don't she purrs like a kitten but you need to weigh the situation out. How many times a purring kitty and how many times a crazed dog?

 

Let her know that marriage isn't happening until she gets anger management and a lot of it and truth be told I wouldn't trust it.

 

How long before her anger goes from fat mouthing you to slapping you to picking up a heavy object and clocking you with it? Then she turns it around to the cops and says she was scared of you and you get hauled off.

 

Turn around and hot foot it out of that relationship before many bad things happen. I got a feeling your only seeing the tip of the iceberg.

[joseb]

I'd need to get a better idea of how often she freaks out like this, and if it is mostly behind closed doors ofr in public, but I would agree that the signs are there she could get downright abusive.

 

At the least, it sounds like the relationship is not so great. Ate you sure you want this for your life?

[scooby-philly]

Hey OP,

 

that's a tough situation. Arguments and mis-understandings are naturally part of relationships. However, the other person needs to respect you and both of you need to grow together. It sounds like she's used to either verbal tirades or just using guys. I've learned the hard way twice - particularly for men (this is not meant as sexist ladies) - women need to respect and adore their guys - and their quirks or they're not really in love. Any decent, hard-working guy deserves a woman who treats him like a prince if he treats her like a queen.

 

A few quick questions:

1. What's your take on marriage at this point? With her I mean?

2. If she does it to her friends and family, why don't they say anything? Or, have you talked to them about it?

3. Obviously if you care about her you need a different strategy. Ask for some space before getting into a fight and give her the silent treatment. See what happens. If she can't respect your boundaries....sorry - it may not be worth it.

 

I dated a woman for a year and eventually met her family and it explained it all - so I'd definitely find out more about her past and if her family takes that crap then it probably will not change.

[xcupid]

Why are you putting up with that behavior? Even if you love her that's no reason to put up with that. Red flags here. Sounds like couples therapy might be needed.

[spitfire3416]

I'd need to get a better idea of how often she freaks out like this, and if it is mostly behind closed doors ofr in public, but I would agree that the signs are there she could get downright abusive.

 

At the least, it sounds like the relationship is not so great. Ate you sure you want this for your life?

 

I wouldn't say it's too too much but enough to definitely raise red flags. Maybe 1-2 times a week. Sometimes we can go 2 weeks without a fight. She has done it in person before, maybe not to the scale as if we were alone but it's happened a few times in public I'd say over the 3 years.

[spitfire3416]

Hey OP,

 

that's a tough situation. Arguments and mis-understandings are naturally part of relationships. However, the other person needs to respect you and both of you need to grow together. It sounds like she's used to either verbal tirades or just using guys. I've learned the hard way twice - particularly for men (this is not meant as sexist ladies) - women need to respect and adore their guys - and their quirks or they're not really in love. Any decent, hard-working guy deserves a woman who treats him like a prince if he treats her like a queen.

 

A few quick questions:

1. What's your take on marriage at this point? With her I mean?

2. If she does it to her friends and family, why don't they say anything? Or, have you talked to them about it?

3. Obviously if you care about her you need a different strategy. Ask for some space before getting into a fight and give her the silent treatment. See what happens. If she can't respect your boundaries....sorry - it may not be worth it.

 

I dated a woman for a year and eventually met her family and it explained it all - so I'd definitely find out more about her past and if her family takes that crap then it probably will not change.

 

well my take on marriage with her right now is that I don't think it would really be a long lasting one. that's kinda why I'm writing this right now. my doubts are just getting stronger and stronger. we had a fight a few weeks ago because her friend that started dating a guy a couples after us got engaged. so when I came home and she told me the news she was just sitting there on her computer being pouty and not speaking to me. i tried to let it go but she just kept not speaking to me. then a few days later after that she seemed to finally be getting over it a little. then my best friend gave me the news that he would soon be proposing to her girlfriend. she went right back into the same mood which later the next day lead to a massive fight.

 

then about a week ago I just came out with it when she was pressing me why we're not engaged yet. i told her that i just feel like she doesn't love me as much as she thinks she does. i told her about how i came from a family with not great marriage role models. my parents fought all the time and my mom basically grew to hate my father. i told her that that was my fear. that she says she loves me now, but might not 10 years from now. we had a good talk and she seemed to really understand where i was coming from. she said well we just have to work through our problems. now a week after that her way of working out the problems is going about the house ignoring me, saying theres nothing to talk about. i just came home, she turned her head and looked at me and went about doing what she was doing.

[neowulf]

now a week after that her way of working out the problems is going about the house ignoring me, saying theres nothing to talk about. i just came home, she turned her head and looked at me and went about doing what she was doing.

 

And that my friend is your queue to exit. She's done with you. You stood up to her and refused to be bullied into giving her what she wants, so she's going to sulk like a petulant child over it.

 

Time to move on and chalk this up to experience I think.

[warshaw]

This is one of those situations where it really depends on how good is the make up sex?

[redhead149]

MAYBE you shouldn't be crowdsourcing people on the internet to decide if you should break up with your girlfriend of 3 years who left a CAREER to come home to you and who is sitting in the next room with YOUR COMPUTER.

 

MAYBE she's not an irrational bitch but someone who's tired of never being actually listened to. And tired of being lied to. And tired of hearing your bull**** excuses for everything.

 

And MAYBE you shouldn't get mad at said gf for not believing you when you say you want to marry her and not understanding how she can question that you actually love her when you're busy posting this kind of **** on the internet. And then the next day googling "why won't my girlfriend have make up sex with me?"

 

Safe to say you don't need the internet to decide this one for you...

[mightycpa]

OP, sounds like the cat is out of the bag. I think you guys are in a race to the finish line, and she's pulled ahead coming out of the third turn.

 

From that last post, I can't imagine that you two are ready for marriage, from either of your perspectives.

[Guyouthere]

MAYBE you shouldn't be crowdsourcing people on the internet to decide if you should break up with your girlfriend of 3 years who left a CAREER to come home to you and who is sitting in the next room with YOUR COMPUTER.

 

MAYBE she's not an irrational bitch but someone who's tired of never being actually listened to. And tired of being lied to. And tired of hearing your bull**** excuses for everything.

 

And MAYBE you shouldn't get mad at said gf for not believing you when you say you want to marry her and not understanding how she can question that you actually love her when you're busy posting this kind of **** on the internet. And then the next day googling "why won't my girlfriend have make up sex with me?"

 

Safe to say you don't need the internet to decide this one for you...

 

Time for some popcorn

[Michelle ma Belle]

It's hard to give advice when we're only hearing one side of the story. On paper, she sounds like a total psycho bitch but I'm not sure that's entirely fair.

 

At the same time, people can't go around acting out inappropriately just because they're angry or hurt or don't get their way. I don't care how big of a douche you might be in her eyes, ADULTS aren't supposed to behave this way.

 

It's clear you're both unhappy in your relationship and you both handle that unhappiness in very different ways.

 

The only advice I have to give is to ask yourself this question; if this is as good as it's EVER going to be with this woman, is it good enough? And that question goes for your girlfriend as well. You may not be the prize you think you are.

 

If the question is "no" then maybe it's time to find the exit for both of your sanity. Thinking things are going to get better if or when is complete bullsh*t and a common mistake so many people make. It never gets better unless you're both on the same page about your future and are actively working towards common goals. It doesn't sound like you're even reading from the same book anymore.

 

Good luck.

[Terry8889]

MAYBE you shouldn't be crowdsourcing people on the internet to decide if you should break up with your girlfriend of 3 years who left a CAREER to come home to you and who is sitting in the next room with YOUR COMPUTER.

 

MAYBE she's not an irrational bitch but someone who's tired of never being actually listened to. And tired of being lied to. And tired of hearing your bull**** excuses for everything.

 

And MAYBE you shouldn't get mad at said gf for not believing you when you say you want to marry her and not understanding how she can question that you actually love her when you're busy posting this kind of **** on the internet. And then the next day googling "why won't my girlfriend have make up sex with me?"

 

Safe to say you don't need the internet to decide this one for you...

 

 

Are you his GF? Oh man this got interesting LOL

After I read what you described I would say she is controlling, and manipulative. Getting engaged shouldnt be forced. It should be an spontaneous act of love. If the guy doesnt want to do it yet, HEY! respect that no one should force him to do it. If she doesnt like it and is not happy about it well she should leave. She is acting like a child, she wants to get what she wants and doesnt care about anything and anybody else. She sounds very very selfish. If I were you, I would dump her asap. If thats how she behaves now while being just your GF can you imagine life as a married couple? Sounds like it will be living in hell for you pal. Get out of there and run as fast as you can before its too late. Dump her you deserve better. Someone who will respect you and love you. Good luck!

Edited September 27, 2015 by Terry8889

[redhead149]

Getting engaged shouldnt be forced. It should be an spontaneous act of love. If the guy doesnt want to do it yet, HEY! respect that no one should force him to do it. If she doesnt like it and is not happy about it well she should leave. She is acting like a child, she wants to get what she wants and doesnt care about anything and anybody else. She sounds very very selfish. If I were you, I would dump her asap. If thats how she behaves while being just your GF can you imagine life as a married couple? Sounds like it will be living in hell for you pal. Get out of there and run as fast as you can before its too late. Dump her you deserve better. Someone who will respect you and love you. Good luck!

 

This has been an ongoing discussion for over a year now. HE is the one who says he absolutely wants to marry me, and gets upset when I say don't believe him (clearly supported by this lovely thread). Yet he has also apparently been hiding all of these feelings about concerns for well over 6 months (see his old posts that I also just discovered about deciding if he should break up with me in Feb). It's hard to defend yourself from being called a bitch by strangers on the internet when you have no idea this is all going on

[Guyouthere]

……. I have some reason to believe that the one I talk about on here has also stopped in.

 

It's not you though.

[Terry8889]

This has been an ongoing discussion for over a year now. HE is the one who says he absolutely wants to marry me, and gets upset when I say don't believe him (clearly supported by this lovely thread). Yet he has also apparently been hiding all of these feelings about concerns for well over 6 months (see his old posts that I also just discovered about deciding if he should break up with me in Feb). It's hard to defend yourself from being called a bitch by strangers on the internet when you have no idea this is all going on

 

Well as I said nobody can force the guy to propose. If you're not happy with it just leave and find someone with less insecurities about marriage, he said he didn't have a good marriage model while growing up and that his parents fought all the time. So the guy is scared of marriage bc unconsciously he sees it a something negative, based on his experience in life. Also, the guy turns to forums bc he said you're ignoring him and saying nothing is wrong. To be honest I dont think your relationship will last, you're not even married and yet have a big issue with communication. Sounds like it will be hell for both of you. You two have different expectations, I would say end it now before it's too late. Leave the guy and if he really wants you back in his life well he already knows what he has to do (propose). If not, well you both can move on and find other people who will fulfill your expectations.

Edited September 27, 2015 by Terry8889

[joseb]

It just sounds like you two are not happy together.

 

Is there something about your relationship that you (either one) feel makes it worth trying to save?

[spitfire3416]

Are you his GF? Oh man this got interesting LOL

After I read what you described I would say she is controlling, and manipulative. Getting engaged shouldnt be forced. It should be an spontaneous act of love. If the guy doesnt want to do it yet, HEY! respect that no one should force him to do it. If she doesnt like it and is not happy about it well she should leave. She is acting like a child, she wants to get what she wants and doesnt care about anything and anybody else. She sounds very very selfish. If I were you, I would dump her asap. If thats how she behaves now while being just your GF can you imagine life as a married couple? Sounds like it will be living in hell for you pal. Get out of there and run as fast as you can before its too late. Dump her you deserve better. Someone who will respect you and love you. Good luck!

 

yea so she was snooping on my computer as I was sleeping and literally just woke me up about this **** crying. we made up, talked about all my issues and all was good again. everything i mentioned here was said to her but apparently this is all too ****ed up for her to understand. apparently it's ok for her to constantly talk to her friends about us but it's messed up for me to be getting opinions online from strangers. i'm done.

[spitfire3416]

It just sounds like you two are not happy together.

 

Is there something about your relationship that you (either one) feel makes it worth trying to save?

 

yea i love her. to me that was what made it worth trying to save. but apparently me asking this online means I don't. so that's it. were done. thanks for the help.

[lollipopspot]

yea i love her. to me that was what made it worth trying to save. but apparently me asking this online means I don't.

 

I think it's little more complicated than that, from what you both said.