PC96 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Let me know what you guys think. I would really love some comments about this. I haven't gotten to talk about it with anyone. My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and I just really want to talk to someone about it. Just some background information. I did study abroad over the summer in China and I met this girl who was European. I asked her out and we started dating pretty much a few days after we met. I had a lot of issues with this girl throughout the relationship. She was incredibly beautiful and smart but I didn't really love her personality. She is judgmental towards her friends and she is very materialistic when it comes to clothing. Also her interests really only lie in clothes and chickflicks. She also had a completely different lifestyle than I did before we met. She had been with a lot of guys before and is completely okay with the hookup culture. Where as I've only hooked up a few times with girls and she was my first time. We pretty much spent every day and night together for 2 months and got as close as 2 people could get in that time frame. We explored an unknown country together and did amazing things. Even through all that, we had a lot of major issues and I actually broke up with her twice! I know, it sounds really ty but I did. Both times, I went back to her. I just couldn't handle the initial pain. Even through all that she really loved me and we decided to do long distance. We both live in the states and our colleges were only a few hours apart. She was never as open or communicative about things. She also wasn't as affectionate, although I was probably just over affectionate. Anyways, one night I got extremely angry at her because of all the frustration I kept. I guess I was just always worried that she didn't feel the same way because she didn't show it as much as me. After that, I knew that things weren't the same. She didn't really respond to my texts or calls and I knew it was the final straw. She was letting go of me. In hindsight, things are just so much easier to see. I let my emotions take over me so many times and we broke up 3 times in a span of 2 months because of it. At first it was a mutual breakup, but I resorted to my "get back together" mentality. So I quickly tried to reconcile things again. I let my emotions control me. I usually am pretty emotionally stable but they really hit me hard. I just hadn't been in a relationship for so long that I didn't know how to handle a lot of things. I contacted her a few times throughout the week and she told me to move on and that she didn't want to give me any hope. I completely understand why she wanted to move on and didn't consider me someone she wanted to be with. My actions and reactions were really messed up sometimes. 2 weeks ago, I decided to do No Contact because I needed to move on. I've been handling it pretty well. I've actually been having a really great time hanging out with friends and doing all the things I love. I think about her a few times a day, but I can usually talk myself out of it and be positive about my future. Yesterday, the feelings got too strong and I sent her an email asking her not to give up all possibilities of being together in the future because I know that there are things that I need to work on and experience before I got into a serious relationship again. I've deleted her number and every other form of communication and I've also MADE her block me on facebook. I know that seems excessive, but I knew it would be best for myself. Anyways, I still think about her a lot of time and I'm not sure what to do about it. I've accepted the fact that we may not even end up seeing each other again. But I know internally, that things are going to work out for me. I know I messed up a lot. I really did. But it probably wasn't in our best interests for us to be doing long distance anyways. I've learned so much from this experience and I really hope that she has a happy and fulfilling life. I think I'm going to just cut off contact with her completely because there's no need for us to stay in contact. If she wants to reach out to me sometime in the future. That would be great. Otherwise, this is where our paths end. I guess I have to turn my back, walk away and never look back. Let me know what you guys think. I would really love some comments about this. I haven't gotten to talk about it with anyone.
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Well, basically, you do all that stuff you're talking about, plus two things: 1) You make yourself very difficult to contact. As in you can't get a random text, email, snapchat, fb post, whatever... so difficult that any contact from her takes a concerted effort on her part. That way, you know that if she contacts you, she's got something important to say. 2) For now, NC Forever is a great way to think about it. At some point, you'll realize that you could speak to her without a problem. But by the time you get there, you probably won't want to do it. Funny how that works. 2
dumbass2 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Like mightycpa says, you go NC to heal and get past the emotions of the past relationship and if you get to a point where you feel like contacting her but all the emotional crap is gone and you don't really care, then that's your call. It doesn't have to be forever, but the mindset should be that it is.
thejabberwocky Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 You broke up 3 times in two months. Clearly this isn't going to work out, so why bother talking to her? 1
scooby-philly Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I agree with the jabbywokky I had a similar experience - I went a whole year and lost money to with someone I thought was needy and self-centered only two weeks in. Listen - people change, but only slowly. If it's not right early on, let it go. We live in a wonderful world now that understands how relationships work, what true compatibility means. Don't sell yourself short and don't give into loneliness. The worst thing in the world is to ignore your gut and your feelings.
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