Johnjj28 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Firstly, I hope this doesn't come off extremely shallow or inappropriate but im just speaking my mind. So im 28 and my girlfriend of 3 years just turned 40, However she looks like a girl in her late 20s, early 30s, 5'0, 95lbs, Asian/European mix. She is pretty cute and when I met her, I had the mad hots for her. However, that is fading now and I know that's pretty common but I'm not sure if it's me just losing attraction due to age or if its her lack of sexual appetite. Every relationship starts with a sexual bang and fades with time, but it's gotten to a point of sex just once a month. She's pretty submissive, to a point where I have to insinuate every time. Lately she's been so un sexual that I have to remind her to shower before hand, because of past experiences of her kind of stinking down there, like she doesn't care. She's clean but not like "im going to detail and prep for sex clean". That sounds weird and I hope I haven't lost your attention but it's like she doesn't want to be sexy anymore. So at the end of the day, im finding myself wanting to break up with her. I have a high sex drive and I love women, I can't stop thinking about other women. I personally know others who like me, and im sounding more and more like a 16 year-old haha but I feel it's true. Any suggestions? Would love to hear them.
Zippy2000 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I have to remind her to shower before hand, because of past experiences of her kind of stinking down there LOL! You need to go to a health care specialist and not a relationship forum. Its possible your partner doesnt enjoy sex as much as you or you are bad at it. I once dated a girl who NEVER had an orgasm in her life but she still liked the feeling of sex.
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Have you spoken to her about this? Sit her down and tell her you want to rekindle your sexual relationship. Ask her how she feels about it and what would make it better for her. Also, I have to ask... how is the rest of the relationship? In my experience, when other areas lack, I lose sexual attraction an drive too. 1
Author Johnjj28 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 The thing I guess I left out is that she has some depression. She takes medication for it and is aware of it. She can be really positive at times, to a point where it's over the top though. Im a very mellow guy and maybe im just being selfish. She is very supportive of me and helpful, she works hard and when we do have sex it's usually good, used to be great. Im very passionate in bed so I don't like to premeditate sex too much, although, it seems like she suggests sex just so I'll be satisfied, like it isn't even a thing for her anymore. Maybe it's her age?
Author Johnjj28 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 The thing is, im very passionate in bed, she says im the best shes ever had. Sex with her used to be great, still good but not great.
Author Johnjj28 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Also, ScienceGal, I have talked to her about it and made it clear that it is a concern of mine and that it's pushing me away.
joseb Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Maybe it's her age? It's definitely not her age. Women that age are usually very horny, in my experience. How is your relationship apart from the sex?
d0nnivain Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Her problem is the depression. It makes her not care about much including her own cleanliness or sex. You are welcome to do what's best for you but on some level you are kicking her when she's down. Have you tried encouraging her to get help? I spent the last 4 years in a depressed funk but my amazing husband was unwaveringly supportive.
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Her problem is the depression. It makes her not care about much including her own cleanliness or sex. You are welcome to do what's best for you but on some level you are kicking her when she's down. Have you tried encouraging her to get help? I spent the last 4 years in a depressed funk but my amazing husband was unwaveringly supportive. I didn't know that d0nnivain...I am so sorry to hear that.... Is it safe to assume you're feeling better now? I myself fell into depression last year when my parents died within a month of each other. Had a bit of a breakdown, and yeah boyfriend was there with me all the way too. Yay for supportive boyfriends!! :bunny: 1
Maharishi Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 You seem very caught up on the physical. In your post you mention her weight, her height, that she is "pretty cute", that she looks in her late 20s and that her vagina stinks. You don't say anything much about what her personality is like or what you two have in common, or what job she does or what goals and dreams she has. Maybe she is not happy in a relationship with somebody who values the superficial things so highly. 1
Disconnect Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) ^ Very well said, Maharishi. Here's a crazy idea. How about you actually, you know, talk to her about this depression, and behave like a supportive, caring boyfriend? I doubt it's her age. Could be the depression, or maybe she just doesn't like you anymore. Whenever I go off a guy, and start to see him as immature, or stupid, or insensitive, the sex is the first thing to drop off. I don't even know what to say about 'women of her kind' having smelly vaginas... Honestly. Your post made me shudder, and I felt sorry for your girlfriend. Edited September 22, 2015 by Disconnect Typo 1
stillafool Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Is it true that anti-depressant meds cause you to lose your sex drive? I thought I read that some place and if so maybe it's the meds fault. I think you should not be afraid to talk to her about her vaginal hygiene. It's important that she is clean and healthy down there. Maybe she has an infection.
empresario Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Is it true that anti-depressant meds cause you to lose your sex drive? I thought I read that some place and if so maybe it's the meds fault. I think you should not be afraid to talk to her about her vaginal hygiene. It's important that she is clean and healthy down there. Maybe she has an infection. Yes, they can steal your libido. Depending on the type of antidepressant they can have an goody-bag full of side-effects. I was on one as an experimental treatment for ADHD and it made me manic depressive (I would go into trance-like states and wander off in random directions). So, medication could always be part of the problem.
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